Questions for the laywer?

Old 12-13-2009, 10:01 PM
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Questions for the laywer?

Hey All! Very generic question but this is my second (different) divorce lawyer consult, coming up tomorrow. If anyone has a chance to post ANY suggestions on things to bring up or ask about, please let me know. I have a free consult which will last 1 - 1.5 hours and I want to get as much out of it as I can.

I have immigration issues in my case. As well as an AH husband with no 'evidence' that he is an A, however potential evidence of him using drugs. I am trying to get a separation and a divorce ASAP, and in my state you have to wait 1 yr from a no fault divorce, separated, in different households. I can't afford an apartment and the house payments, but he isn't paying for anything and isn't interested in leaving the house, and with the recent drugs I"m sure he would let it go to shiz sooner than later. I would like to be able to get him out of the house but not sure that's possible. If I could get grounds for an absolute divorce, that would be great, but I'm not sure how I can do that. No evidence of adultery and no physical abuse (at least, yet.. throwing things around the house sometimes though! My camera phone pictures of the two aftermaths are probably not enough..)

Anyway, any suggestions would be great, gotta get the most for my 'money'! Thanks
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Old 12-14-2009, 03:54 AM
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Do you have any credit card statements from his expenses? Liquour stores, men's clothing shops, bars, sporting events?

I used those to prove my AXH's responsibility for the massive debt on my credit.
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Old 12-14-2009, 10:09 AM
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I do have evidence of some of these things. I too however buy stuff from the liquor store at times so it has gotten mingled a bit.

The financial irresponsibility has a lot to do w/ him being out of work / trying to start a business most of this year.

According to the lawyer though, it seems that none of this matters, as there are no assets to divide anyway.
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:31 AM
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J M H O but I still believe that contacting INS and informing them of your upcoming divorce would be to your advantage. I believe in previous posts somewhere you said you have not been married for 3 years.

Yes, he will probably lose his 'green card' and be deported, but that is not your problem. It would be a consequence of his actions as in his emotional and mental abuse of you. He destroyed this union. His consequences.

Take everything you have, including the phone pictures, the credit card statements, your 'log' of incidences, etc to the consult and then ask this attorney what he can do for you to get this man OUT OF YOUR LIFE.

Hope that helps a bit. Know that we are walking with you in spirit, your are not alone.

Love and hugs,
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Old 12-14-2009, 11:40 AM
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I did a lot of domestic law research on my own browsing my States web sites.
Try not to use your lawyer like a therapist, they'll let you sit and yak about your troubles at $300/hr all day long.
Take written prepared questions and write the answers.
Get educated about the immigration issues. Could it be as simple as having your H deported?
I could have filed for sole use of the marital home, but that might have been a tough sell to get a judge to grant it.
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Old 12-15-2009, 07:59 AM
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Hey all, thanks for the posts.

As far as the green card /deportation/ ins goes, it's not as easy as everyone would like to believe to get rid of someone! haha. I had consulted already w/ the immigration / divorce lawyer and paid some money for that advice. Basically he can stay if he wants to, was the deal. All he has to do is file a waiver and show that we had a real marriage and he gets to stay. INS doesn't care to deport anyone, it's too much work already and I"m sure they get plenty of people going "I brought so and so here, and now I don't like them because they did x y or z. Make them go away" and INS would say, no thanks, deporting them costs money. Don't forget how big of a government agency/bureaucracy they are!

I did find one trick that MIGHT work. Basically by June we are supposed to both file some paperwork saying it's a legit marriage and go through an interview to lift the conditions off his conditional green card. If this doesn't happen, then he is technically out of status and I believe the card would expire or something ... deportation proceedings (who knows how long they take though, too) could begin. However the trick was that if we are divorced and don't file together he can still file a waiver saying it was a real marriage and those are easy to get, and he could stay and get the permanent card. The trick I'm seeing is that if we are NOT divorced (it's not even possible to be divorced by then, it would take too long!) yet, and I don't file with him and sign off on the documents.. he cannot file the waiver because the waiver requires divorce forms.. and then he could be out of status and deportation proceeds....

So it's not simple, it's messy, lengthy, but it's possible. I may have that leverage.. There's also a chance that he could get around that somehow too...

Luckily my recent lawyer is a friend of my cousin's husband. He spoke to my cousin and agreed to do the consult for free. His fees are 250/hr which is 50/hr less than the last guy, but I got a lot of consult time out of him for no charge. I know he wouldn't rip me off per se, seeing as he is a good friend of a family member, but obviously he has to get paid to work.

The crummy part really is, and once I am accepting it bit by bit it gets easier, that there isn't a whole lot I can do about HIM. It's kind of like the whole al anon concept of doing what you can for yourself, etc.. I can't really MAKE him do anything, not even sign divorce papers, not even move out of the house I pay for, can't make him pay bills, can't make him go away.. none of that. So accepting that, I will have more energy to focus on what I DO have control over, which is what I do.. and while it might not be the answer I want, it's the only one I can count on.
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