Up and Down days
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 112
Up and Down days
After reading so many posts that sound excatly like my story. How did you all ride the rollercoaster of up and down days. Somedays I feel I have my "power" back, other days triggers send me for a lupe. Its only been 2 months out on my own, with no contact. I just it really is just one day, minute,moment at a time. Just feeling down
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Hi WizeDeb,
I don't know how others' ride the rollercoaster, but I ride it via prayer and giving the tough stuff to God, through this website which likely literally saved my life, through remembering... not only the good things, which is easy, but the bad, which keeps me from breaking no contact and worse, and through growing and healing. The growing and healing part is difficult. In our fast food society, we want everything NOW. Well healing from a lifetime of codependency, choosing relationships that don't work for me, worrying, fretting, not having good boundaries, being hurt again and again, and on and on... takes a LONG time. Far FAR longer than I would like. And it takes getting a counselor and Al-Anon meetings and GOING and not making excuses not to go. I imagine going through the 12 steps is huge too, although I haven't started because of the whole "excuses" thing.
For me, growing and healing are the key, and taking action to promote those is of utmost importance. Those are up to me. Without them, I stay stagnant in my own sickness.
I'm so sorry you are feeling down, Deb! I know JUST how you feel. And absolutely get what you mean by one day... minute... moment at a time. Sometimes each moment seems impossible to get through. But you can make it. WE can make it. Together and with our HP in control.
HUGS to you Deb!!!
Tigg
I don't know how others' ride the rollercoaster, but I ride it via prayer and giving the tough stuff to God, through this website which likely literally saved my life, through remembering... not only the good things, which is easy, but the bad, which keeps me from breaking no contact and worse, and through growing and healing. The growing and healing part is difficult. In our fast food society, we want everything NOW. Well healing from a lifetime of codependency, choosing relationships that don't work for me, worrying, fretting, not having good boundaries, being hurt again and again, and on and on... takes a LONG time. Far FAR longer than I would like. And it takes getting a counselor and Al-Anon meetings and GOING and not making excuses not to go. I imagine going through the 12 steps is huge too, although I haven't started because of the whole "excuses" thing.
For me, growing and healing are the key, and taking action to promote those is of utmost importance. Those are up to me. Without them, I stay stagnant in my own sickness.
I'm so sorry you are feeling down, Deb! I know JUST how you feel. And absolutely get what you mean by one day... minute... moment at a time. Sometimes each moment seems impossible to get through. But you can make it. WE can make it. Together and with our HP in control.
HUGS to you Deb!!!
Tigg
Member
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: FL
Posts: 14,246
Hello WizeDeb, welcome to SR. 
Once when I was a little girl, our family took a vacation to the Bahamas. The charter plane we flew on blew one engine and then another. My dad, a former pilot...knew exactly what was going on while the other passengers were unaware of how serious this all was.
How does this relate to your question? Well...my mom was always a nervous passenger anyway but when dad told her we need to be aware of the danger....she gripped the armrests hard for the rest of the way there.
It's called 'white knuckling' to those who never heard of that phrase.
It's what I had to do when I was struggling with the active addiction of a loved one.
It worked up to a point but wasn't something I recommend for the long term.
What worked the best for me when I was triggered and stressed was to attend lots of meetings. Open AA, NA and Al-Anon. I also came here alot. The constant repetition of the same stories with different details gave me strength and hope. It also confirmed the things that I knew but sometimes had doubts about.
Hang in there...there's hope for better days. Until then or if things get bad, tigger's suggestion of breaking it down to minute by minute works for me- much like how my mom got through that dangerous flight over the ocean in a tiny rickety plane with only one engine functioning.
Once when I was a little girl, our family took a vacation to the Bahamas. The charter plane we flew on blew one engine and then another. My dad, a former pilot...knew exactly what was going on while the other passengers were unaware of how serious this all was.
How does this relate to your question? Well...my mom was always a nervous passenger anyway but when dad told her we need to be aware of the danger....she gripped the armrests hard for the rest of the way there.
It's called 'white knuckling' to those who never heard of that phrase.
It's what I had to do when I was struggling with the active addiction of a loved one.
It worked up to a point but wasn't something I recommend for the long term.
What worked the best for me when I was triggered and stressed was to attend lots of meetings. Open AA, NA and Al-Anon. I also came here alot. The constant repetition of the same stories with different details gave me strength and hope. It also confirmed the things that I knew but sometimes had doubts about.
Hang in there...there's hope for better days. Until then or if things get bad, tigger's suggestion of breaking it down to minute by minute works for me- much like how my mom got through that dangerous flight over the ocean in a tiny rickety plane with only one engine functioning.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: uk
Posts: 124
I am fourteen months into my recovery from my relationship with my abf; that is when I ended it with him. Sometimes I felt that the pain would never go away, that this what what my life was destined to be for ever. I am a recovering alcoholic with 3 and a half years of sobriety so I already had a 12 step programme (which was sorely tested during this time!) and I worked it to the best of my ability. I listened to my logical brain and not my emotional one. Logic told me that my life was not meant to be with an active alcoholic who would surely destroy me. I attended Al-Anon as well as AA, and had counselling. I told my counsellor just this week that I am now glad of what I have been through; pain really does equal growth. I have learned so much about myself this past year, it has changed me as a person for the better. I am a stronger person for it, and far more enlightened. I kept walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel, and I feel as if I am finally out of the tunnel and standing in the light! It was so difficult at times, so painful, but I prayed and kept steadfast to the choice I had made. A different choice would have meant a life of misery for me, and definitely would have destroyed my own sobriety eventually. No human being is worth giving your life for. Remember the saying 'No man or woman is worth your tears; and those that are don't make you cry'. Hang on in there and take it a second at a time if u have to, reach out for support, and trust that one day the pain will be over and you will feel wonderful. Thinking of you xxx
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