detachement_is_saving_my_life
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
detachement_is_saving_my_life
I just wanted to say that AH and I have been able to work together a little better. And you know why right? Because I'm detaching.
He and I are working our asses off moving. My house is filled to the brim iwth boxes and furniture, there is a little walkway and that's it. And I still have to work! It SUCKS and is very very hard.
But when he gets mad and starts yelling at me, I just ignore him or respond as if he weren't yelling and keep going. He comes and apologizes soon enough.
The issue is that I don't get hooked in. It's crazy. THANK YOU SR AND BIKRAM YOGA.!!!
He and I are working our asses off moving. My house is filled to the brim iwth boxes and furniture, there is a little walkway and that's it. And I still have to work! It SUCKS and is very very hard.
But when he gets mad and starts yelling at me, I just ignore him or respond as if he weren't yelling and keep going. He comes and apologizes soon enough.
The issue is that I don't get hooked in. It's crazy. THANK YOU SR AND BIKRAM YOGA.!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2009
Location: Wild West, USA
Posts: 407
After awhile, detachment becomes automatic, and real (and I had to fake it for a good long time myself).
I ran into alcoholic former husband and his girlfriend at a school event this week, and I had to talk to them to set up child care arrangements for the night. She was hanging all over him-- and seeing it didn't particularly bother me. I had another, much more pressing problem, which was that my car was breaking down far from home in -4 degree weather, and that occupied the front of my mind all night. I didn't have to try not to think about them! Can I tell you how GREAT that felt?
On the display of possessiveness: Yeah, she "won", I already understood that. She won a man who describes her as "immature" and a "butthead" to his ex-wife. What a prize, huh. I also understand that their domestic life has a lot of noisy conflict, whereas I was going home (in a friend's car) to my own peaceful castle. And if I live with someone again, those arrangements won't involve alcoholism or anyone fudging their marital status.
I ran into alcoholic former husband and his girlfriend at a school event this week, and I had to talk to them to set up child care arrangements for the night. She was hanging all over him-- and seeing it didn't particularly bother me. I had another, much more pressing problem, which was that my car was breaking down far from home in -4 degree weather, and that occupied the front of my mind all night. I didn't have to try not to think about them! Can I tell you how GREAT that felt?
On the display of possessiveness: Yeah, she "won", I already understood that. She won a man who describes her as "immature" and a "butthead" to his ex-wife. What a prize, huh. I also understand that their domestic life has a lot of noisy conflict, whereas I was going home (in a friend's car) to my own peaceful castle. And if I live with someone again, those arrangements won't involve alcoholism or anyone fudging their marital status.
I Love Who I Am
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
Thanks everyone.
Did the "thank this person" button go away? Why can't I find it?
Yep, I still feel remarkably detached and he's practically been at my place for the last three days helping me wade through the boxes, setting up the living room and tree. Instead of bitching at me because I didn't have the tree up, he acknowledged that i've been taking care of the kids and working and moving and need help. Our oldest sons birthday is tuesday, christmas is coming up and I can't unpack anything while working, while taking care of the kids.
Funny thing though. I don't think it "means" anything. I have no expectation about his behavior. I expect nothing from him, and am not angry about it. I think this is carrying over into the rest of my life too. Other people aren't bothering me as much either. It's hard to explain, I"M just not becoming aware of it. I"m taking things less personally, in general.
This is great news because I know that whenever I take ANYTHING personally, my spiritual growth stops right there.
Did the "thank this person" button go away? Why can't I find it?
Yep, I still feel remarkably detached and he's practically been at my place for the last three days helping me wade through the boxes, setting up the living room and tree. Instead of bitching at me because I didn't have the tree up, he acknowledged that i've been taking care of the kids and working and moving and need help. Our oldest sons birthday is tuesday, christmas is coming up and I can't unpack anything while working, while taking care of the kids.
Funny thing though. I don't think it "means" anything. I have no expectation about his behavior. I expect nothing from him, and am not angry about it. I think this is carrying over into the rest of my life too. Other people aren't bothering me as much either. It's hard to explain, I"M just not becoming aware of it. I"m taking things less personally, in general.
This is great news because I know that whenever I take ANYTHING personally, my spiritual growth stops right there.
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