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Old 12-10-2009, 05:58 PM
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??question

Quick question - I needs some perspective. Today when talking to my AH from whom I've been seperated from a little over a week....he said something that I am struggling with. Back in July he was still drinking alot...I had no one to turn to, so I confided in my sisters and my parents. Obvious this let then with some pretty raw emotions regarding my AH. I also spoke to his parents and have talked to his sister...tryng to understand the past, and the present. Well, he believe that I made a mistake not trying to confide in him, and that I threw our marriage away by involving my family. Was I wrong to confide in my family? I did try to talk to him but that never worked...he always just called me names and got angry...so what was I supposed to do?
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Old 12-10-2009, 06:16 PM
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Blu**ed Lines...A ClockWork SR
 
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No. You have the ability and right to do whatever you need do to make your life better. If someone tried to cut me off from soliciting advice from someone else I respected I would run not walk. That being said I was stuck in a similar situation, and it took me a while to get my head on straight. Isolating others IS an unacceptable controlling behavior.
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Old 12-10-2009, 06:26 PM
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My exA isolated and controlled me too. I did not realize what was happening at the time as he would get mad, sad, hurt if I talked to others about him/us/me. It is a very sick way of keeping you under thumb and not letting others know just how messed up they are. If others know the story, then they might have more people to be accountable to...
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Old 12-10-2009, 06:57 PM
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You are a wife
You are a sister
You are a daughter
You are a friend

You have many relationships in your life. You choose how much information you share and with whom. Your relationships = your boundaries.

It appears he is blaming you for ending the marriage and you are feeling guilty.

I do not feel guilty about ending my marriage. I am the dumper. My XH made drinking his priority. He put alcohol before his marriage and children. He was willing to risk everything to keep drinking. I was not willing to risk everything to support his drinking. I made the choice to no longer accept unacceptable behavior in my home and life. For that, I do not feel guilt.
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