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Is it possible to be happy with an AH? I haven´t posted in a very long time. My AH and I have been separated for 7 months now. I have gone through so many things. It has been hard to learn to be alone but I think that I have finally done it. I still miss my AH and I certainly love him, after all he is a good man, we haven´t talked in 3 months. I start to wonder if I made the right decision, maybe I should have given my AH one more chance to stop dinking, maybe I should have been more patient and less demanding and bad tempered and maybe we would be together. I would like to call him and try again. Have you heard of any person that has had a happy marriage and life with and alcoholic partner? What do you think about this? Thank you very much for your opinions in advance. |
it could be possible?? How low are your standards??? Why do you think you dont deserve a healthy relationship??? |
Well, there is nothing that says you can't get married again. Just give it plenty of time, so you know absolutely that he's healthy and sober and in it for the long term... a couple of years might be soon enough. |
Margareta - To remind you: So after lots of humiliating attempts to get one more chance We visited each other every 3 months, he told me that he stopped drinking and I believed him, I know that was my mistake and after 2 years I finally moved to his country to get married. I left everything to do that. When I got there I realized that he had lied to me, he hadn’t stopped drinking I feel angry and manipulated because now I find myself accepting his addiction. |
I have been there,done that,have the t-shirt....I stayed so angry. I felt the beer was a mistress. Miss Natural Lite. He cracked one open every 7 minutes. It 's sad. I miss the guy he could have been. I was crazier than he was. He was selfish. He criticized me all the time to take the focus off of him. It wore me down..I have been divorced for two years now. Do I miss him? YES. But I do not miss the crazies and chaos. Two years ago Xmas was hard. Last year Xmas was hard. This year it is ok. Time heals......If 51% of him wants to drink....he will. I could not live in it. Surrender to Win.Let go or be dragged. |
Originally Posted by Carol Star
(Post 2456773)
I have been there,done that,have the t-shirt....I stayed so angry. I felt the beer was a mistress. Miss Natural Lite. He cracked one open every 7 minutes. It 's sad. I miss the guy he could have been. I was crazier than he was. He was selfish. He criticized me all the time to take the focus off of him. It wore me down..I have been divorced for two years now. Do I miss him? YES. But I do not miss the crazies and chaos. Two years ago Xmas was hard. Last year Xmas was hard. This year it is ok. Time heals......If 51% of him wants to drink....he will. I could not live in it. Surrender to Win.Let go or be dragged. Thank you Carol Starr. Very helpful to me today. Grateful for that. Margareta, Just my experience, but there was no way I could be happy with an alcoholic, it just got worse and worse. Lying, cheating, jail, car crashes. Good God what a mess. Then alcohol wasnt enough, he started with crack, and lost everything. I was the loneliest person in the world and I had no peace. None. Please take care of yourself. |
Welcome back Margareta! Time for the 3 C's You did not cause the addiction You could not control the addiction You could not cure the addiction Be gentle with yourself. You were fair and honest about your boundaries. He did not respect your boundaries and wanted you to accept his alcoholism. Remember this from your first post?:
Originally Posted by Margareta
(Post 2095958)
When I got there I realized that he had lied to me, he hadn’t stopped drinking, that made me very upset but the wedding was close and he promised again to leave the alcohol and I guess I wasn’t strong enough to cancel the wedding I also loved him very much. We got married. Since then we have gone through lots of arguments about the drinking. He has promised me to leave it but he always ends up doing it. He now says that he only promised that because he was under my pressure and he doesn’t really want to stop drinking. He says that he had really horrible childhood experiences and that’s why he drinks. I have asked him to get professional help and we have tried it but he doesn’t believe in “that”. He also says that he is not satisfied with his professional life and other problems and if those problems are there he will keep drinking. We have been close to divorce several times but we always come back because I love him and I feel guilty for leave him just like that, but when we are fine again I feel angry and manipulated because now I find myself accepting his addiction. . |
My ex-husband proposed after an all night partying binge, "The voice of God told me I am an alcohol, and you are the one He sent to save me." So, I married him, he stayed sober for 2 weeks, and it was on. I tolerated the madness four 4 years, the bankruptcy, the verbal and physical abuse, inc. being sexually assaulted and battered by him while pregnant with our second child. He walked out after putting me in the hospital, where I discovered I was pregnant with our daughter. He chose alcohol over me, our children, and everything else. He let our babies go without diapers while getting it on with 2 waitresses at the corner bar. I forgave him, and we tried reconcilliation, twice. Where is he today? At the bar, living off his latest victim, ruled a danger to me and his own children, and all the while still using that sociopathic charm he's had since his days as the star linebacker/drug dealer of the school to win community awards, business bonuses, and all while I work 60 hr. weeks taking care of our 3 kids alone with next to nothing in child support. The moral? I'm all for fairy tale endings, but look before you leap Cinderella:) You first, Princess! OH7 |
Sure it's possible, IMO. A lot of people do it, stay married to their A's. I personally, didn't leave an alcoholic. I left someone verbally abusive. Emotionally draining. A manipulator, a victim to the sun rising. A flat out liar. A progressively aggressive attitude. A rude, inconsiderate, disrespectful, know-it-all who. Do a lot of people stay with their A's? Sure. But I couldn't. |
It's hard to remember the bad times when you're lonely. The people who have posted in response to you are wise and experienced and hope to save you future heartache. Did you keep a journal? It might be a good idea to look back at it if you did to help you remember. All here at SR-FF love you, and support you! -Tigg |
My journal since MAY of this year has told me over and over again that despite much counseling, AH continues to act exactly the same way, and actually was escalating. I only wish I had kept it since the beginning of the marriage - 15 years ago. It would not have taken me this long to get out! Every time I start to think that maybe he wasn't so bad, and maybe I was overly sensitive to his drinking and too hard on him...I look at my journal, and bam! smacked back into reality. I am profoundly grateful that my personal fog has lifted. |
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