TakingCharge999

Last year I missed ALL social events, well today there is a cocktail for the residents of our building and XABF may be there... at least no outsiders are allowed so hopefully I won't run into his gf... or into him... I hope he does not go.

But I am going anyway. I even washed my favorite top yesterday at 2 am so its ready tonight. I asked a coworker to go with me so at least I will get some support. I also got a new haircut and have received compliments!!

Damn, I saw him a while ago at work and I still get angry at myself for caring what he thinks of me... for having my heart racing when I overhear him... but at least its a good racing, because I want to get away as soon as possible...... I can live with that......

Next Saturday we got the company party and I am SURE I will meet them... and I am feeling good as I look great and have been feeling hopeful and excited about my life... it would be the first time he sees me with someone else.... is it childish of me to feel great about it?

Almost one year of no contact... well... progress, not perfection. Hope next year he is a non-topic. Thanks for listening and letting me vent.

wicked

takingcharge999,
i will wish you luck, but i dont think you need it.
you seem to be pretty together to me, have done a lot of inner work.
go and have a good time, both to the resident party and the company party.
just take one thing at a time. nice on the haircut.
i think i will color mine again, i like a change too.

Astro

Behave yourself and play nice

TakingCharge999

wicked, color it, and if it is possible go to a nicer place where they suggest haircuts for your face type etc... it is outstanding how much one changes !

In a weird way I would like to see him, so I can see him drinking and know nothing has changed.

Ugh.

Done trying to control others thanks for the good vibes!!

transformyself

Have fun, be yourself and try to not have any expectations. He may show up and be fantastic and sober and then your hopes of seeing him drunk and unattractive will be dashed. If so, repeat after me.
I CHOSE TO LEAVE YOU
IT'S MY CHOICE
I"M FREE OF YOU AND YOUR TOXIC BEHAVIOR
ALL IS FOR MY GREATER GOOD

Have a blast!

TakingCharge999

thanks all!! gladly he did not go
i listened to good music and had fun: they served tequila but i sipped a little then saw a starbucks machine and drank coffee instead
i started badtripping thinking that probably he was with gf having a romantic time; then i imagined him fighting for nothing and insisting on driving superdrunk and it helped to get back to reality

also i listened to a story of a coworker of mine::he has been a jerk for years and he met a woman that used him instead:: he is heartbroken

we mentioned there is karma and now he feels what he made others feel

this is inevitable!


i turn heads lately and well i have lost weight but i think its because now i no longer ask permission to exist and also because i am recognizing i am beautiful inside; i am not out to hurt anyone in purpose: and that shows !

the other day xabf stared at me and today i passed twice next to him by coincidence:: he interrupted what he was saying and stared again lol

ok it was an ego stroke but its cool because he used to criticize my looks and weight and here i am looking much better than ever!!

its also fun bcs he knew i love flowers and he never gave me any; i bought them myself and now bf buys a lot for me so xabf always sees me carrying roses; etc


not so much dettachment but after so much bs from his part its nice; i hope i can get to indifference soon:

i appreciate he is still respecting my request for him not to talk to me
thanks for listening !