grrrrrrrr
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: portland, oregon
Posts: 59
grrrrrrrr
OMG, he was drunk all night last night and most the morning today! I tried to go to sleep but all i could do to get away from him was to walk from room to room as he followed me. He kept accusing me of sleeping around with both my ex husband and one of my ex boyfriends. He also kept saying that i was just using him and that i didnt love him. He would keep repeating the same things over and over and over again. All i wanted was for him to shut up and leave me alone. I tried so hard to ignore his name calling and baiting. Eventually i just cried and gave up trying to prove him wrong. As always he even told me that i should just move out since it is his place that we are living in. I am tired of all the ups and downs never knowing what is going to happen next. I am at work tired and frustrated and wondering if i am going to have the strength to deal with him when i get home. One of the kids even heard us fighting!!!! I have noticed that he is very insecure and takes it out on everyone else. I just dont know how to respond to him or what to do anymore...
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Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Veracious,
There is no dealing with an active alcoholic. There is no magic formula for dealing with that madness. What you are suffering is the equivalent of "enhanced interrogation techniques" - torture. I went through it too.
You left once and came back. When it gets bad enough - when you finally get tired of all of this emotional torment, when you realize you deserve more than this emotional and verbal abuse - you have the freedom to decide to leave again.
I hope you will do something to protect yourself soon. If nothing changes, you will continue down this path to sickness and insanity with him. The longer you stay, the more he destroys your self-esteem so you feel like you HAVE to stay. He wants you to go? Perhaps you should. Put some safe distance between you until he is working a progam and has been sober for at least a year.
Hugs and strength to save yourself,
GL
There is no dealing with an active alcoholic. There is no magic formula for dealing with that madness. What you are suffering is the equivalent of "enhanced interrogation techniques" - torture. I went through it too.
You left once and came back. When it gets bad enough - when you finally get tired of all of this emotional torment, when you realize you deserve more than this emotional and verbal abuse - you have the freedom to decide to leave again.
I hope you will do something to protect yourself soon. If nothing changes, you will continue down this path to sickness and insanity with him. The longer you stay, the more he destroys your self-esteem so you feel like you HAVE to stay. He wants you to go? Perhaps you should. Put some safe distance between you until he is working a progam and has been sober for at least a year.
Hugs and strength to save yourself,
GL
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Posts: 290
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. I know how frustrating this can be. AH used to do this ALL the time. A lot of times he would wake me up 3-4 times a night, because he was being loud or set off the fire alarm or came into the room woke me up because he wanted to talk. Other times he would be mad at me or upset with our situation and would keep me up half the night talking and talking. I didn't think there was a way for me to lock the door (sliding door), so I would wander from bed to couch to bed...
I finally figured out how to lock the bedroom door, so now when he choses to drink I will look the door and he gets the couch! Not getting enough sleep is really unhealthy and can really mess with your head and question your sanity (and I found I am super impulsive when I'm tired - not easy to detach then). If you are staying with him, make sure you set up good boundaries and incl. it is not ok for you to keep me awake/ wake me up in the middle of the night. See if you can lock the door (he'll get the point) or go to a good friend (if you can) next time it happens!
Be good to yourself! ((((veracious))))
I finally figured out how to lock the bedroom door, so now when he choses to drink I will look the door and he gets the couch! Not getting enough sleep is really unhealthy and can really mess with your head and question your sanity (and I found I am super impulsive when I'm tired - not easy to detach then). If you are staying with him, make sure you set up good boundaries and incl. it is not ok for you to keep me awake/ wake me up in the middle of the night. See if you can lock the door (he'll get the point) or go to a good friend (if you can) next time it happens!
Be good to yourself! ((((veracious))))
Member
Join Date: Dec 2009
Posts: 139
My boyfriend was like that too. He would always accuse me of cheating on him or still being in love with my ex husband. To an unknowing person, he'd appear to be very confidant, but deep down he's as unsecure as they come.
I'm not sure, is this a common thing amongst alcoholics, or is this just a coincidence between our stories? I haven't been able to read many of the posts yet, I only joined today, but each post I open....I can relate and I'm stunned by it!
Even now, after my boyfriend and I have started over yet live apart, he becomes accusitory when we chat on MSN...if I take a few seconds to reply, he thinks I'm chatting with another man.....it's very hurtful.
You are not alone! And now I know, that I am not alone either.
I'm not sure, is this a common thing amongst alcoholics, or is this just a coincidence between our stories? I haven't been able to read many of the posts yet, I only joined today, but each post I open....I can relate and I'm stunned by it!
Even now, after my boyfriend and I have started over yet live apart, he becomes accusitory when we chat on MSN...if I take a few seconds to reply, he thinks I'm chatting with another man.....it's very hurtful.
You are not alone! And now I know, that I am not alone either.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2009
Posts: 1,334
We are all one instead of alone. Yep....when my XAH used to be acusing me it was like being pecked to death. They have to go after you to keep the focus off of them. My therapist said my integrity got me out. It took a while for me to see it "as it was" and not how I wanted it to be. I look back at it now and see it was abuse.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Yup, mine too. We were at a New Year's gathering. Next day he was all PO'd because I'd supposedly had sex with the 2 men at the party. The three couples were all in the same room for the entire night, and no one but him witnessed the sex, or anything inappropriate at all, even the 2 other wives. He was PO'd for 6 months about that one. He also accused me of wanting to be with my ex-AH. And still accuses me, two years later, of having an affair with one of the guys that was at the party. Very typical, unfortunately.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
On the other end of the spectrum, I being the "rebound chick" heard ALL about how my XA's ex wife cheated on him constantly.
He was such the victim in their relationship....boooo hoooo!
UNTIL he wanted her back. Then he had to quickly change everything he said about her. Of course he then told me that he realized she never cheated on him, also he had "spies" (aka mutual friends) keeping an eye on her over the past 7 months (hmmmm, GREAT to know since you had been talking to ME that whole time!)....and that when they were together "and they would have a fight and she would steal his car and go to her ex boyfriends, they weren't sleeping together, they were just playing music."
Quack Quack Quack....
Ya know, I was sitting here a little depressed earlier thinking I really missed him. Writing this out just reminded me WHAT A LYING JERK HE IS! Thanks!
He was such the victim in their relationship....boooo hoooo!
UNTIL he wanted her back. Then he had to quickly change everything he said about her. Of course he then told me that he realized she never cheated on him, also he had "spies" (aka mutual friends) keeping an eye on her over the past 7 months (hmmmm, GREAT to know since you had been talking to ME that whole time!)....and that when they were together "and they would have a fight and she would steal his car and go to her ex boyfriends, they weren't sleeping together, they were just playing music."
Quack Quack Quack....
Ya know, I was sitting here a little depressed earlier thinking I really missed him. Writing this out just reminded me WHAT A LYING JERK HE IS! Thanks!
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Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
Originally Posted by veracious 
OMG, he was drunk all night last night and most the morning today! I tried to go to sleep but all i could do to get away from him was to walk from room to room as he followed me. He kept accusing me of sleeping around with both my ex husband and one of my ex boyfriends. He also kept saying that i was just using him and that i didnt love him. He would keep repeating the same things over and over and over again. All i wanted was for him to shut up and leave me alone. I tried so hard to ignore his name calling and baiting. Eventually i just cried and gave up trying to prove him wrong. As always he even told me that i should just move out since it is his place that we are living in. I am tired of all the ups and downs never knowing what is going to happen next. I am at work tired and frustrated and wondering if i am going to have the strength to deal with him when i get home. One of the kids even heard us fighting!!!! I have noticed that he is very insecure and takes it out on everyone else. I just dont know how to respond to him or what to do anymore...
L
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: South Texas
Posts: 41
Ugh... the incessant talking and ego stroking when it's the middle of the night and you'd like to sleep. You know it's gonna be a long sleepless night when they wake you to ask if you still find them attractive, or "it seems like you don't like me anymore." Well I'd like to say "Correct, I don't like you when you're drunk." And "Correct. Sometimes your unattractive behavior just overshadows anything beautiful I used to see in you." And "I don't want to be awake in the middle of the night and resent the hell out of it," but instead I tell him what I think will allow me to get some sleep. I'd rather pay lip service than have a big freaking row and analyze the relationship and pursue the pointing out of each other's flaws at 2 or 3 in the morning.
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