nodaybut2day

It just occurred to me today that this will be my FIRST Christmas and New Year's holiday in 5 years where I have not had to run secretely to the liquor store and to the corner store to ensure that XAH has an adequate stash of alcohol and cigarettes. It will also be the first holiday where I won't be running between family and my XAH trying to talk to the people I haven't seen in ages, all the while trying to ensure that XAH isn't angry about something or other, not feeling neglected, or wanting to leave early because he doesn't like my family or because they're not paying attention to him (i.e. speaking in French all the time...how DARE THEY?!). It will be the first time I won't be running around trying to please the Unpleasable Man and trying to meet his Demands about making his son happy, and giving him an opportunity to "relax" (i.e. sit at home watching another dumb movie or playing video games while drinking). AND, no more pretending that I'm unaccountably horny for the raggedy man who showers once every two weeks, doesn't shave, brush his teeth, or make any kind of efforts to remove the stink of alcohol from his breath/body all the while demanding that I be his frisky holiday vixxen, all dressed up and ready to frolic at the drop of a hat.

I hadn't realized this but I had begun dreading the holidays over the last 5 years because it was period of "pretending" and of putting on a happy face so people didn't have to see how horribly tired and unhappy I actually was. I also hadn't realized what financial stress I had been putting myself under to make sure XAH felt that I had spent enough on him and his son, and whatever outings or expenses (i.e. booze) he wanted. I'll be paying off the last of my debts in collections by the end of the month!

Cheers to modest new beginnings.

JenT1968

H always has 2 weeks off at christmas, at least: round the clock drinking, complete stress, I dreaded it, really dreaded it. My birthday is in-between christmas and new year as well so I also won't miss pretending to my family and friends that H has cooked a meal for me or whatever, or that I don't mind not going out or doing something, and not mentioning that he is actually passed out on the kitchen floor at 6.30pm.

and then new year, last new year I took 2 kids out on my own to a friends house and then a fireworks display,

This year I am looking forward to it all

yay!! that will be a huge weight off of your shoulders

sb0804

I just spent the first Thanksgiving in 10 years without having a drunk in the house. Now I get to experience Christmas and New Years without a blackout drunk in the house.

I cannot wait to pretend everything is just hunky dory because it is the holidays. This year it will actually be hunky dory!

tjp613

Good for you, girls!! Good for you!!!!!!!!