Deleted Facebook...
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Deleted Facebook...
I deleted my facebook page completely.....
which I know is not earth shattering ground breaking news
1. I feel like facebook is such a distraction from my life. I spend so much time on it it's ridiculous.
And 2. I feel like it's such a connection to my XA. I did block him a bit ago, but we have so many mutual "friends", and I feel like every time I logged in, somehow I was still connected to him and his new life. And it made me sick, wondering when someone was going to feel the need to update me on his life, or him on mine.
Ooooh the things our minds can do to ourselves!
I just wanted to disappear. It's like I want to start a new life, completely seperate from my past. All of the people who know him and I are from our high school, and I didn't even talk to most of them. The few I do, I will maintain a friendship with...via the old fashioned telephone!
But I just don't think it's anyones business where I am in the world and what i'm doing with my life, and etc. You know?
I want to focus completely and selfishly on me, and just feel better. I guess this is called completely NO contact.lol
I don't know if this makes sense. And I guess I'm sharing it because, well since i'm not venting on facebook i'll vent here!, but really because I know a lot of people struggle with no contact, and sometimes connections to people that are toxic for us, no matter how small the connection is, can feel unhealthy for us if it's not benefiting what we are trying to achieve. So, I guess I think that if you have to remove yourself for awhile so that you can REALLY focus on yourself, it's ok and it's good to do that.
I get more benefit and positive reinforcement coming here than I do on facebook.
which I know is not earth shattering ground breaking news
1. I feel like facebook is such a distraction from my life. I spend so much time on it it's ridiculous.
And 2. I feel like it's such a connection to my XA. I did block him a bit ago, but we have so many mutual "friends", and I feel like every time I logged in, somehow I was still connected to him and his new life. And it made me sick, wondering when someone was going to feel the need to update me on his life, or him on mine.
Ooooh the things our minds can do to ourselves!
I just wanted to disappear. It's like I want to start a new life, completely seperate from my past. All of the people who know him and I are from our high school, and I didn't even talk to most of them. The few I do, I will maintain a friendship with...via the old fashioned telephone!
But I just don't think it's anyones business where I am in the world and what i'm doing with my life, and etc. You know?
I want to focus completely and selfishly on me, and just feel better. I guess this is called completely NO contact.lol
I don't know if this makes sense. And I guess I'm sharing it because, well since i'm not venting on facebook i'll vent here!, but really because I know a lot of people struggle with no contact, and sometimes connections to people that are toxic for us, no matter how small the connection is, can feel unhealthy for us if it's not benefiting what we are trying to achieve. So, I guess I think that if you have to remove yourself for awhile so that you can REALLY focus on yourself, it's ok and it's good to do that.
I get more benefit and positive reinforcement coming here than I do on facebook.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
LOL
Very true.
It just leaves so much open to gossip, and no matter how private you try to make it, there are always people who want to find out and spread info about you.
I have learned over time that we have very few friends in this life, but hundreds of aquantances.
Very true.
It just leaves so much open to gossip, and no matter how private you try to make it, there are always people who want to find out and spread info about you.
I have learned over time that we have very few friends in this life, but hundreds of aquantances.
same planet...different world
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: Butte, America
Posts: 10,946
No lie, there.
I think I prefer the exhcanges we have here in SR
because we
(for the majority)
truly ARE trying to be better humans.
That facebook
reminds me of discos
back in the eighties.
We called 'em 'meat markets.'
I think I prefer the exhcanges we have here in SR
because we
(for the majority)
truly ARE trying to be better humans.
That facebook
reminds me of discos
back in the eighties.
We called 'em 'meat markets.'
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Hahahaha!
And those discos in the 80's are now clubs in the 00's, and STILL called "Meat Markets".
Some things will never change. And yep, Facebook, Myspace, Match, Eharmony are all new meat markets.
And you are so right, the people here are truly doing things to make their lives better, with no alterior motives. That's good stuff.
And those discos in the 80's are now clubs in the 00's, and STILL called "Meat Markets".
Some things will never change. And yep, Facebook, Myspace, Match, Eharmony are all new meat markets.
And you are so right, the people here are truly doing things to make their lives better, with no alterior motives. That's good stuff.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2004
Posts: 780
I don't come on and post here too often anymore but I just had to comment on this thread. I just quit facebook about a week ago. I was really addicted to it and spent way way too much time on it.
I have felt a giant weight lift off of my shoulders. I learned a long time ago in Al Anon--it's none of my business what others think of me--well...facebook taught me just the opposite of that!! It was time to take a breath, back off and take a look at what I was doing. It wasn't beneficial to me or anyone else I was "friends" with.
So,
I un-friended myself and hit the deactivate button.
Facebook is trouble for this codependent. Workin on Keepin' it Simple...
(For me it's not good, but for others, it may be great!, just MHO)
I have felt a giant weight lift off of my shoulders. I learned a long time ago in Al Anon--it's none of my business what others think of me--well...facebook taught me just the opposite of that!! It was time to take a breath, back off and take a look at what I was doing. It wasn't beneficial to me or anyone else I was "friends" with.
So,
I un-friended myself and hit the deactivate button.
Facebook is trouble for this codependent. Workin on Keepin' it Simple...
(For me it's not good, but for others, it may be great!, just MHO)
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
I have facebook and love it, personally. I feel everything in moderation is ok. It also helps to not have toxic "friends." Lots of the people I know post inspirational messages each day, so it's nice to look at. IMHO : ) Glad you found peace in deleting.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: NY, NY
Posts: 17
I am new to the website but I thought it would be good to hear from people who might understand what Im going through. I was in a relationship with and alcoholic and addict for 5 1/2 years. The relationship was an emotional roller coaster he was always promising to get better and he would for a while. He was a binge drinker and cocaine user and we couldnt have been more different. I finally couldn't take his behavior anymore and I asked him to leave our apartment.
That was a year ago but all along he was contacting me. I finally relented and saw him over the summer and we were seeing each other until this fall. He talked about how he still loved me and how he knew he was the best thing for me. He said he was dating someone but it wasn't serious but it turns out it was. She is a big drinker too and partied with him all the time. She didn't mind the drugs and alcohol as much.
I later found out he had said he felt that he could be himself with her. Anyway, even though I knew it was a mistake to see him but he led me to believe that he was changing when he wasn't. In fact, his drinking became much worse and his family told me he has gotten much worse over the year we were apart. I feel completely replaced and don't quite understand why he said all those things to me when he wanted to be with this other girl. I am heartbroken but not even sure why I am so upset when I know that his drinking would have ruined everything.
That was a year ago but all along he was contacting me. I finally relented and saw him over the summer and we were seeing each other until this fall. He talked about how he still loved me and how he knew he was the best thing for me. He said he was dating someone but it wasn't serious but it turns out it was. She is a big drinker too and partied with him all the time. She didn't mind the drugs and alcohol as much.
I later found out he had said he felt that he could be himself with her. Anyway, even though I knew it was a mistake to see him but he led me to believe that he was changing when he wasn't. In fact, his drinking became much worse and his family told me he has gotten much worse over the year we were apart. I feel completely replaced and don't quite understand why he said all those things to me when he wanted to be with this other girl. I am heartbroken but not even sure why I am so upset when I know that his drinking would have ruined everything.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 52
good for you! I have thought about the same thing. I have my exABF blocked now on Facebook and I went ahead and deleted all of our mutual friends...I also asked all of my friends to delete him off their friend lists and they had no problem doing so...since they only knew him though me anyway...so, so far so good with the facebook. But I totally agree it is so easy to get sucked into it and addicted to facebook!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Wolfstarr- you took the words out of my mouth. That really sums up how I have been feeling too.
I found that I was so worried about what others were thinking, what my A may be telling people, whether or not people who were my "friends" were listening to him and just saying "yeah"..... these are totally MY issues and my thoughts. But I was finding that they were eating at me.
NYC Chick ( I use to live in NYC btw, I miss it) I also agree with you. I had great friends on fb. many who made me laugh, and many who I would talk to daily through it. For me, the anxiety of the connection right now to XA is still just too overwhelming. Also, I found I have a few friends who are in toxic relationships themselves, and often put up negative thoughts....I would find myself becoming consumed in their negativity, wondering "what's going on today!"
That's a combination of nosiness, and complete boredom! Also I was trying to distract myself from the things in my life with someone else's life.
Yes, moderation is good..... but I cannot facebook in moderation. It's been my source of attention too since I have moved, I feel like it gives me more of a reason to isolate too. If I don't have that, maybe I will get out and start living again!
Cath - I def understand that too! It was just so much easier for me to delete my entire page than individual people. For the most part, my XA is sucked back into his former life and the family and friends he had with his exwife, they aren't the same as the people we went to high school with. I just wanted to go incognito to everyone right now.
This is moreso me just having my own anxiety about any connection I have to him.
You know I found I cried a little tonight. I feel like there was a part of me that still wanted him to contact me, so I feel like this complete separation is one more step towards letting him go and moving on. Just when you think you are done crying....wait, here's one more tear!
S1Seven, WELCOME!
Well, my situation is actually a bit opposite, as my A told me that someone else was the love of his life, and the person he was most comfortable with. There are a lot of things that surround that, but she and he are both drinkers. So ultimately, that is who and what he loves.
VERY hard for me, for a lot of reasons. But I am in counseling now to really attack those reasons and make life better.
There are so many amazing people here who can offer you more insight than I can. I am going to post your comment as a new thread so it can be opened up to more people.
IMO, the reason you're upset is because it is facing the reality that he is not the person he presented himself to be. It's the loss of the dream and the life you had imagined with him. I certainly know that's one of the reasons it has been hard for me to move on. I don't want to be with someone who lies, manipulates, used me, drinks, did coke, smokes, dips.....etc, but he made himself out to be a completely different person in the beginning. We grieve over the loss of that person they pretend to be. Just my thought.
Be good to yourself!
I found that I was so worried about what others were thinking, what my A may be telling people, whether or not people who were my "friends" were listening to him and just saying "yeah"..... these are totally MY issues and my thoughts. But I was finding that they were eating at me.
NYC Chick ( I use to live in NYC btw, I miss it) I also agree with you. I had great friends on fb. many who made me laugh, and many who I would talk to daily through it. For me, the anxiety of the connection right now to XA is still just too overwhelming. Also, I found I have a few friends who are in toxic relationships themselves, and often put up negative thoughts....I would find myself becoming consumed in their negativity, wondering "what's going on today!"
That's a combination of nosiness, and complete boredom!
Also I was trying to distract myself from the things in my life with someone else's life.Yes, moderation is good..... but I cannot facebook in moderation. It's been my source of attention too since I have moved, I feel like it gives me more of a reason to isolate too. If I don't have that, maybe I will get out and start living again!
Cath - I def understand that too! It was just so much easier for me to delete my entire page than individual people. For the most part, my XA is sucked back into his former life and the family and friends he had with his exwife, they aren't the same as the people we went to high school with. I just wanted to go incognito to everyone right now.
This is moreso me just having my own anxiety about any connection I have to him.
You know I found I cried a little tonight. I feel like there was a part of me that still wanted him to contact me, so I feel like this complete separation is one more step towards letting him go and moving on. Just when you think you are done crying....wait, here's one more tear!
S1Seven, WELCOME!
Well, my situation is actually a bit opposite, as my A told me that someone else was the love of his life, and the person he was most comfortable with. There are a lot of things that surround that, but she and he are both drinkers. So ultimately, that is who and what he loves.
VERY hard for me, for a lot of reasons. But I am in counseling now to really attack those reasons and make life better.
There are so many amazing people here who can offer you more insight than I can. I am going to post your comment as a new thread so it can be opened up to more people.
IMO, the reason you're upset is because it is facing the reality that he is not the person he presented himself to be. It's the loss of the dream and the life you had imagined with him. I certainly know that's one of the reasons it has been hard for me to move on. I don't want to be with someone who lies, manipulates, used me, drinks, did coke, smokes, dips.....etc, but he made himself out to be a completely different person in the beginning. We grieve over the loss of that person they pretend to be. Just my thought.
Be good to yourself!
mergirl
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Paradise
Posts: 4,161
Welcome s1seven7, you will find lots of support here. i hope you have started your own introduction thread.
I am mixed on facebook. I have found several long lost friends using it. I post daily inspirational quotes, and enjoy others who do the same.
I am not crazy about the minute by minute updates people give, and I know people who obsessively play the games and/or spy on everyone they know haha.
But if it was bugging you, I say hooray!!!
I am mixed on facebook. I have found several long lost friends using it. I post daily inspirational quotes, and enjoy others who do the same.
I am not crazy about the minute by minute updates people give, and I know people who obsessively play the games and/or spy on everyone they know haha.
But if it was bugging you, I say hooray!!!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Florida
Posts: 52
Originally Posted by Kittyboo 
You know I found I cried a little tonight. I feel like there was a part of me that still wanted him to contact me, so I feel like this complete separation is one more step towards letting him go and moving on. Just when you think you are done crying....wait, here's one more tear!
well, hang in there, you are doing so well! I'm glad you are making so much progress! Its okay to be sad...you are still going through this process...I still have my good days, my sad days, really mad days, etc...thanks for sharing
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
Heh, well, ever since I went psycho and broadcast AH's cheating to his entire network on both FB and Myspace, he deleted his pages and now I have free reign over them both. Honestly, I get a lot of support from FB and don't see myself giving it up any time soon. I did block a few people who don't need to know what's going on in my life, but other than that, I'm good. Before he deleted his pages though, it was such a trap for me. I'd get sucked into checking his page every day, blech! I'm so thankful for my psychoness that made him quit.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Wanting - you reminded me of my "psycho" moment, actually that's what my XA called it....
It was through Facebook that I actually realized that he was seriously back in touch with his ex wife as I saw a row of comments from her on his page. What was funny was that he didn't mention to me that he added her back, (this was when he was still denying to me that he had feelings for her) and he actually left a comment on my page....which he RARELY did. Looking back he did that so I would go leave a comment on his page, and ooopppss...see all of her comments. (ummmmm, hello passive aggressive and manipulative)....
and fell right into it.
I saw those and I lost it! Sent him some text at 2am saying you broke my heart, so dramatic I know. He played stupid and tried to call and sent me texts like WTF are you talking about???
I was talking to my counselor tonight and she pointed out that facebook actually brings a lot of pain to me about him, which is true, so yay for deleting it!
Besides that, I did get sucked into it completely. It was just such a trap for me, and has really held me back from developing a true social life in this new place I think. It was almost a sort of safe zone that allowed me to avoid meeting people. Time to step out of my comfort zone!
It was through Facebook that I actually realized that he was seriously back in touch with his ex wife as I saw a row of comments from her on his page. What was funny was that he didn't mention to me that he added her back, (this was when he was still denying to me that he had feelings for her) and he actually left a comment on my page....which he RARELY did. Looking back he did that so I would go leave a comment on his page, and ooopppss...see all of her comments. (ummmmm, hello passive aggressive and manipulative)....
and fell right into it.
I saw those and I lost it! Sent him some text at 2am saying you broke my heart, so dramatic I know. He played stupid and tried to call and sent me texts like WTF are you talking about???
I was talking to my counselor tonight and she pointed out that facebook actually brings a lot of pain to me about him, which is true, so yay for deleting it!
Besides that, I did get sucked into it completely. It was just such a trap for me, and has really held me back from developing a true social life in this new place I think. It was almost a sort of safe zone that allowed me to avoid meeting people. Time to step out of my comfort zone!
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