frustrated
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: portland, oregon
Posts: 59
frustrated
I feel like all my abf knows how to do is lie and manipulate every situation! I am starting to wonder if he is even human anymore! Sorry its just been a bad morning and i really need to vent today. I am angry and frustrated beyond belief. I dont know if i can believe anything he says anymore. I hate myself for loving this man who obviously doesnt care about anything else. I hate myself for not being ready to leave. I hate even more that i want to believe the lies more then see the truth. Maybe i am more screwed up in the head then he is.
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Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 689
Oh veracious, you have taken the words right out of my mouth.
Even in having no contact with my A in over 2 months, and knowing that I will probable never have contact again with him, I still feel some pain everyday....and A LOT of anger about all of the manipulations and lies. I mean, he did it so well he can easily go around and play the "victim" now... he does that so well.
"I feel like all my abf knows how to do is lie and manipulate every situation".... yep!!!
Only in the distance I have given myself have I been able to reflect on our entire relationship and realize and accept that is was ALL a lie. It was all a manipulation just to get what he wanted when he wanted it until he was done with it. Oooouuuuccchhh!
I wanted to believe the lies too, gave him so many excuses. I wanted him to be real. I refused to be let down again. But I know that I will never be able to believe anything he were to ever say to me again.
You are NOT screwed up, you are coming to accept what your relationship probably is. That realization can be extremely painful. I was and still am so angry with myself for not walking away sooner, for caring so much for someone who never cared about me.....
This is how I try to think: There is no reason to hate yourself; you have done nothing wrong. You went into a relationship with an open heart, you were honest, you were sincere, you cared, you loved.....and if you have to walk away, you can walk away holding your head up high knowing that you gave everything you could. You weren't the one who lied and manipulated, and that is what you have to feel good about.
I understand the pain--- be good to yourself today.
Even in having no contact with my A in over 2 months, and knowing that I will probable never have contact again with him, I still feel some pain everyday....and A LOT of anger about all of the manipulations and lies. I mean, he did it so well he can easily go around and play the "victim" now... he does that so well.
"I feel like all my abf knows how to do is lie and manipulate every situation".... yep!!!
Only in the distance I have given myself have I been able to reflect on our entire relationship and realize and accept that is was ALL a lie. It was all a manipulation just to get what he wanted when he wanted it until he was done with it. Oooouuuuccchhh!
I wanted to believe the lies too, gave him so many excuses. I wanted him to be real. I refused to be let down again. But I know that I will never be able to believe anything he were to ever say to me again.
You are NOT screwed up, you are coming to accept what your relationship probably is. That realization can be extremely painful. I was and still am so angry with myself for not walking away sooner, for caring so much for someone who never cared about me.....
This is how I try to think: There is no reason to hate yourself; you have done nothing wrong. You went into a relationship with an open heart, you were honest, you were sincere, you cared, you loved.....and if you have to walk away, you can walk away holding your head up high knowing that you gave everything you could. You weren't the one who lied and manipulated, and that is what you have to feel good about.
I understand the pain--- be good to yourself today.
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Breathe.
Living with alcoholics brings craziness and misery. You're not nutty for feeling nutty.
What is that great analogy about going to the hardware store to buy bread? The problem is you EXPECTING him to be honest and not manipulate. That is YOUR expectation causing you heartache.
Let it go.
He's not honest. He does manipulate.
Feeling mad about it is totally reasonable. Don't let the anger eat your head, though. Feel it. Learn from it.
What is it telling you? What boundary is getting crossed that you haven't set with him? You have the boundary there - that's why you're mad. You just have to find it, speak it, and uphold it. It'll come.
And for your relationship to you - just like there can be a boundary with him treating you well, you can make one for YOU treating YOU well. Hating yourself doesn't work well, either. You're human. He's human. You're both okay. (Not that that means the behaviors are okay.) So hold yourself in loving compassion.
For fear of being too touchy feely, I imagine a universal mother with the gentlest of touch and endless love holding me in my frightened, angry, irritated, scared state. I feel like a little, powerless kid in her arms. She doesn't judge me. She just holds me. She comforts me. She acknowledges me and validates me.
Surprisingly, its not your partners job to do that. It's yours.
Consider letting go of your self-abuse and love yourself in a messy situation.
You're okay.
How can you take care of yourself today?
Hugs.
Living with alcoholics brings craziness and misery. You're not nutty for feeling nutty.
What is that great analogy about going to the hardware store to buy bread? The problem is you EXPECTING him to be honest and not manipulate. That is YOUR expectation causing you heartache.
Let it go.
He's not honest. He does manipulate.
Feeling mad about it is totally reasonable. Don't let the anger eat your head, though. Feel it. Learn from it.
What is it telling you? What boundary is getting crossed that you haven't set with him? You have the boundary there - that's why you're mad. You just have to find it, speak it, and uphold it. It'll come.
And for your relationship to you - just like there can be a boundary with him treating you well, you can make one for YOU treating YOU well. Hating yourself doesn't work well, either. You're human. He's human. You're both okay. (Not that that means the behaviors are okay.) So hold yourself in loving compassion.
For fear of being too touchy feely, I imagine a universal mother with the gentlest of touch and endless love holding me in my frightened, angry, irritated, scared state. I feel like a little, powerless kid in her arms. She doesn't judge me. She just holds me. She comforts me. She acknowledges me and validates me.
Surprisingly, its not your partners job to do that. It's yours.
Consider letting go of your self-abuse and love yourself in a messy situation.
You're okay.
How can you take care of yourself today?
Hugs.
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