ItsmeAlice

It's official, yet again this month, I'm broke..flat, flat broke. Trying to pay the bills and just floundering. Searching the want ads for a second job. Applying for better jobs in my current field with no luck. Counting out change for gas money to get to payday. Had to put things back to afford food at the register today.

Driving home from the store I kept trying not to cry. I said the serenity prayer a dozen times, but all I could think of was that if it got any worse how could I bear it? I'm desperately low on options.

I drove up behind a long single lane of traffic that was just crawling along. I was about to come unglued. I needed to get home, and I was already running late for my at-home job. I grunted out the words "Lord, could this be any worse!"

Then, I realized I was following a funeral procession.....true story...

and God said, "Yes, Alice, it could be worse."

The rest of the trip I counted off my blessings feeling humbled.

Hang in there everybody!!

Alice

MissFixit

Hey,

Could your family help you out?

Hugs

LucyA

I used to go around missing all these signs, but they're really so blatantly obvious I wonder how I did.

ICant

Wonderful story Alice. Thank you for sharing!

honoryourself

I'm sorry to hear you are struggling, but it is amazing that even in your situation, if you think about it, you are truly blessed and better off than so many people. You have a job still!
Anyway to cut back the bills? I have been there.. when we lived abroad, walking down the street looking at the ground to see if anyone had dropped any change so we could afford a loaf of bread. Should have realized then that my then-ABF kept money aside at all times for his smokes. Food would come second to them and a bottle of wine. Luckily it was only a few days at a time that this ever happened.

I wish you luck! Can you sell any thing on ebay or craigslist maybe to help?

ItsmeAlice

Thanks for the replies!

Honor, I had a moment this morning where I was remembering how I used to not be able to pay for groceries because XABF drank the last of the money in the account. I may not have money now, but every penny went to food, housing, and transportation. Not one cent paid for someone else's escape from reality.

I have borrowed from family since leaving XABF when I had to move a second time. I just can't hit them up again.

I've been cancelling any services I can and pinching every penny. I want to get rid of the storage unit I had to get to put all my things in (I'm in one room now) as the introductory rate is about to expire and it will be too pricy to keep. I'm going to start listing things for sale to drum up extra funds and hopefully get a more affordable unit or get rid of it alltogether. I hate to see my things go, but I don't want to be on the street either, right?

whereisthisgoin

Wow - that's powerful.

Your post reminds me to stay grateful and keep an eye out for the signs. That's incredible, really.

I hope things get easier for you soon.

If you can find the SteinMart homepage, they're having a $25K giveaway - couldn't hurt to try! :-)

honoryourself

Alice--great point about where your (limited to no) money is actually going to, probably feels better to be broke and responsible than mildly comfortable and out of control!

soberinwpg

I don't want to hijack but I gotta share. It is 4:29. I am getting ready to leave work. I'm leaving my bank card in my desk so I don't hit the beer store (some cravings today). So I'm standing there thinking "Hmm? Should I just take my bank card?" and I look down and see "hp". It is only the name brand on our scanner but for me, at that time, it was Higher Power.

Here is to another day safe and sober and grateful.

xoxox

Lilyflower

((((Alice)))) i remember those days all to well myself. Baby steps it sometimes feels like but each step is bringing you toward a brighter future free from pain of an addicted relationship.

Keep strength, never under estimate the healing power of tears, things will get better in time, believe it - you deserve it!

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxx

TakingCharge999

Hello "lifemate"

I pay the rent tomorrow, with that my paycheck is gone. I got like 20 pesos left till the 15th.

I went to buy groceries and I am now in a diet of apples and cheerios.

I hope you find a second job soon, or an improved primary job. My bf has been looking for a job for weeks and he is getting very frustrated. I guess its also the end of the year and many companies have openings on hold until next year.

Hang in there friend... perhaps you could start advertising stuff for sale in Craigslist? its sad to let things go...

I moved many many times in the same city and gone to other places too.. I've been stolen stuff and had to trash or give away sooo many things.. but its just things you know? as long as you are alive and healthy you can rebuild your life and buy great things again... or buy nothing and start living like a zen monk.. that is how i imagine myself these tough times...

A trick I use is to eat Bran flakes or things with fiber so I get full faster... and try to take vitamins to stay healthy...

FanofJoeMcQ

Alice, thanks for posting that! Its so true. I have been broke many times in recovery. Once again, crawling out of being laid off twice in a year. It stinks. Miracle is when we do the footwork somehow it all works out. I still haven't lost my house. Came close. Somehow our HP pulls us through. All we have is now.

ItsmeAlice

Thank you all so much for the words of encouragement. I've learned alot over the last few years about stretching my dollars. What I haven't learned is how to be truly disciplined the times when I've had extra money to put it away for a rainy day. And it's been raining a lot lately!

I was actually thinking this experience will do alot to instill a nest-egg mentality in me later on. Some are lessons are worth learning the hard way, right?

TC you are a mirror for me, you know. I get such strength knowing you are out there making it work and keeping your head held high while doing it. I hope your BF's job search picks up. This is one of the worst times to look for the big company jobs and even the seasonal stuff around here is slim pickings.

Soberinwpg - you hang in there! Make the next right decision, then the next, then the next. That's one step at a time one minute at a time. It'll get you there, it really will.

I get a kick out of the show Dog the Bounty Hunter. They are all just so over-the-top, but they do get the job done as a family and that I like. On one espisode he told a girl who was torn over turning in her boyfriend to the cops that when torn between righteousness and love, choose righteousness and God will pay you back. I liked it and wrote it down.

Do the next right thing and God will pay you back, I think I can do that.

Alice

coyote21

Sounds like some of my "signs", HP knows that subtle is wasted on me.

I deliver lots of medical oxygen for my job and go to lots of nursing homes.

I usually have good or great days, but this one day I was really whining around being a big baby, poor old Coyote, woe is me. You know the drill.

Any way, from a room across the hall came a voice.....I was so into me at the time that everything and everyone was annoying me, including this loud mouth.

The it dawned on me the "loudmouth" was a Priest giving someone their last rites. Damn.

Turned my whole day right around. Thanks for the story.

Thanks and God bless us all,
Coyote

silkspin

I don't know where you're located but working in the non-profit sector I do know that there are resources out there. Is there a food bank in your area? Try the churches too, many of them, in my area anyhow, are offering Christmas baskets. Look up other community organizations in your area in the yellow pages - some may be able to help in ways you weren't aware they could. Your city or municipality may also have community aid that you could try - if they can't help directly, they may refer you to appropriate resources once they are aware of your situation.

ItsmeAlice

Thanks for that Coyote! I get so lost in my own drama it takes a brick up the side of my head to knock me back to reality. Like the flashing lights, back to back limos, and motorcycle cops coming up behind me this morning were that hard to see. What the heck did I think I was looking at. C*l*u*e*l*e*s*s.

Pity party of one, Alice your table is ready!...Alice?!....Where's Alice??

Uh, she popped her head out of her a** and went home.

ItsmeAlice

Silkspin, thank you for suggesting those things. I'm like so many others I've encouraged to take that route, and I feel like I don't deserve such resources. I'm single with pets and no children. There are so many others out there who need that help to feed their children and keep a roof over their heads. It's hard to reach out that way.

I promise I will look into them, though.

Gypsy Feet

Alice, its good to see you still getting along girl *hugs*!!

When I made my break, I had no credit card debt. i allowed myself to pay some bills with a card for awhile, trusting my financial concerns would be taken care of in good time. I just got a raise, and am hopeful after christmas I can start paying off my freedom debt=) hang in there girl

ItsmeAlice

GF - A raise!! That's fantastic! Hard work pays off in many ways. Good for you!!

Alice

isurvived

Alice, you are an inspiration to so many of us!

I know that better days are coming to you - just hang on.

I've been there too, the last two years have been lean and mean. But it's better now, my savings is gone (many rainy days in sequence...drained my set-asides) - but I am working at building them back up.

Living under such circumstances really does humble a person. I so appreciate the "little things" I use to take for granted. It's made me extra frugal.

Here's wishing and hoping 2010 is better for us all.