Itching for a fight w/my sister
 

I am trying to resist the urge to call my sister and pick a fight with her about her drinking. She is back to regular drinking per her 20y.o. daughter, who called to tell me about her mother acting out again toward her via phone calls. They just started talking again about 3 weeks ago after a two month break due to my sister's drinking behaviors. My sister complains to me about how sad she is that she wasn't a better mother and how upsetting it is to her, but yet she is still being a bad mother (ie..having daughter pick her up drunk, making nasty phone calls). Part of me feels that I need to say something for my Niece, and the other part says I am just angry.

I agree, any confrontation with your sister will fall on deaf ears or else possibly fuel aggression towards you.

Your neice is in need of support, let your sister face the consequences of her behaviour in full. Have you and your neice begun to attempt detachment and keeping to your 'own side of the street' (as i think the saying goes); i.e. the choices are always infront of you both to either participate in the madness or, as hurtful as it can be to begin with, walk away and leave her to it. She doesn't have to pick her up any where if this is a cause of pain and frustration, and the phone can be hung up..

It is difficult but sometimes the first step to take is to protect yourself from the continual hurt and suffering.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Do you live near your niece?
Can you start checking out AlAnon meetings together?
Another daughter of an A got me to go to my first AlAnon meeting...it was a huge help and really it has made all the difference for me in turning my own life around!

My sister complains to me about how sad she is that she wasn't a better mother and how upsetting it is to her, but yet she is still being a bad mother (ie..having daughter pick her up drunk, making nasty phone calls)

*sigh* Sounds like an alcoholic doing what alcoholics do. Once I truly accepted that my brothers would continue to do the stupidest things when drinking and make the poorest choices imaginable I stopped being surprised or angered. But I struggle with acceptance -- it sometimes takes me a while to believe what I am seeing!! :a043:
peace-
b