FindingPeace1

I still am so reactionary!
I called my husband at his conference and we were chatting, but when I asked him about himself the conversation died off...so I waited...then I decided if he didn't have anything to say, I could let it go. So I said (as friendly as possible), "okay, I'll let you get some rest..."
and he said, "oh, I just LOVE our connection!" All snarky sounding.
And I said I loved him and he said he was "so sure" - more sarcasm...
and a few more interchanges like that.
so I asked him what he needed and he said Nothing. There was nothing to be done. He was unhappy with everything. Me. The relationship. My leaving. My not calling. For me wrecking all of last month.
And I controlled myself and said nothing and ended the conversation nicely.

But now I am PISSED OFF at him for blaming me. How DARE he?? How dare he put all the responsibility on me?? ARRRGGGGHHHH!! I am SO SO MAD at him!! I want to choke him to death (not really, but I'm that furious.)

And I recognize his MO will be to defend and be mad so although I can give the relationship 6 months, if I continue to assert I deserve an open, honest and real communicator-partner he will continue to hear that he is NOT that and continue to be angry and defend, which gives me the same outcome I don't like - him being shut down, dishonest, etc. etc. It's a no win. (another voice is saying, "one day at a time. stay in the present")

But...on another note...I handled myself with control. I acknowledged my feelings, but didn't act on them. I am being gentle and genuine to myself. I am self caring. I am doing things differently and being bold. And while it doesn't feel good relationally, it feels great personally.

I hope I don't come off sounding...I don't know. I know he's not beating me, or calling me names or doing a million awful things that many of you have to put up with and I'm sorry if I sound whiny about my life. It feels really big, although I know I am lucky that my husband's yuck is so benign. Thanks for listening.

Dreamer42long

I give you a lot of credit for keeping your composure over the phone. I know I am not there yet and don't think I would have been able to respond to his "snarky-ness" with politeness as you did and to end the conversation 'nicely'.

You did the right thing to come here and vent! That's what we are all here for...to hear the good AND the bad AND the downright ugly.

Kudos! Keep up the good work on you!

Still Waters

This reminded me, my AH would pull that crap. He'd just sit there on the phone, silent. And I'd eventually say something like "okay - well, I'll talk to you later" or something and he'd get all crappy.

If you ask me, it's a control issue.

FindingPeace1

No question. We both used communication as manipulation and now I see it playing out.

Live

I think anyone who lives in insanity and isn't upset, needs their head checked! LOL

joking, but really....it isn't respectful, courteous, friendly, loving...are you supposed to like that and be happy with it?
It is demoralizing, at the least...and that makes it a problem, I say.