veracious

I left my boyfriend and have since went back. He told me that he was going to stop drinking and seek counseling to get his life back together but the drinking only stopped temporarily. He has yet to call and make an apt with a counselor. Why is this so difficult! I did this to myself getting involved with someone like him. I feel really dumb today and just want to cry. We are fighting about him having weekends without kids since his leave every weekend to their moms and my son stays with me since his dad isnt in his life. I feel hopeless!

CatsPajamas

Welcome to SR ! You will find lots of people here with stories similar to yours. We stay, we go, we kick them out, we take them back. They leave us, they come back. It's a merry go round and a roller coaster all at the same time.

I finally got sick and tired of life like that, and I went to counseling and to Al Anon. I learned about the disease of alcoholism, and what I could do to improve my own life. I learned about the 3 C's:

I didn't cause it
I can't control it and
I can't cure it.

I'm sure others will be along soon to share their own experience strength and hope. I'm sorry for the circumstances, but glad to have you here.

Carol Star

Alanon will help you alot. I also went to a few Coda meetings too...codependent. I learned coda from my mother. My XAH was so very much like my AF. I repeated my first family.....and now I look back and go......WHOA.

Dreamer42long

Veracious: You're not stupid, you're just confused because you know you don't want this kind of life, but you love the SOB.

Some of my ABF's family members and I tried an intervention (w/o the help of a professional - big mistake) and he too promised us that he'd make his appointment for out-patient rehab. That night when I called to see how it went, he told me that he decided he wasn't going to go because he didn't want to spend the money (on rehab) but blowing money on booze? No sweat!

I know it's very frustrating, but don't get down on yourself. We are all learning here and it takes baby steps, a day at a time.

Linkmeister

Welcome to SR, veracious - I know SR has helped me so much - I post, I read the posts, I come here for support and believe me, it helps so much.

I left exABF about 2 1/2 weeks ago - so far, I've "saved" his life 3 times - the first time, I threw him out of our place - he ended up in a homeless shelter and found another place to live. That was back in August. Earlier this year, he relapsed before he was supposed to go to rehab but made it in a month later and up till when I kicked him out in August, has been in a dry drunk state.

Since then, he has gone to AA but in the last month, has relapsed - and yeah, I "saved" his life (this according to him) twice since then - getting him to a walk in clinic for detox meds and then a couple of nights ago, listening to him decide if he will quit his job to focus on recovery. He made up his mind to quit (he was perilously close to being fired for...you guessed it-coming into work drunk and having to be sent home) and he called me tonight-from a bar - to tell be that he needs the stability of a job in his life so he's not going to quit.

Although I've been no contact for a good part of this time, I caved and when I got mad tonight at this, I was more angry at myself for being manipulated and believe me, alcoholics can manipulate than I was for him doing what comes first for him-drinking.

Between SR and Al-Anon and Melody Beattie's books on Co-Dependency, I am making headway into why I stayed for so long. I don't know if you have tried Al-Anon but it's a great source of support and strength.

I think dreamer42long said it best why we stay: Yup, that's me but it gets a little less confusing each day.........