OtherHalf7

I'm never alone. If I'm not at work, I'm at home with the kids, or with family and friends.

Tonight, being with my family for Thanksgiving, I thought it would snap me out of the holiday funk, being without him.

It didn't. It temporarily took my mind off of it, but now, as the kids have settled down and the leftovers put away, I can't help but wonder....

I hate that he is spending the holiday without us, without his family, without his son. I understand that he brought this on himself, but, call me a softie.

I haven't called him; he demanded to be left alone in his misery, so I have complied to that request, but it's hard.

So, tonight, I am practicing being thankful for what I DO have.

I have great kids who are growing up in a home without substance abuse, without violence, without drama.

I have a great and rewarding job.

I have a loving group of family and friends.

And a special thank you to my friends here at SR, for helping me keep the lonliness at bay

honoryourself

I spent thanksgiving apart from my AH this year.. I visited my parents w/ my sister and brother in law and spent the weekend there. AH stayed home, drank, watched porn, and wafted in and out of consciousness on the couch, worked one day, and then did more of the same. I thought he was going to go out and party or invite people over but as far as I can tell all he did was lay around and drink. It makes me sad, and I was sad that he wasn't a part of our thanksgiving, and it made me teary too.
But at the same time he has done all of this to himself. I don't know where to draw the line in feeling sorry for him, sometimes I'm angry and other times I'm sad or sorry for him, and some times I'm sorry for myself and my family. I guess it's all natural.
I too am tahnkful for a wonderful family and friends who have all been there to support me in this time.

Trying2BeMe

We too, the kids and I, spent the weekend from Wed night through Sat night with my sister and mother for the holidays. AH was at home drunk, talking suicide, rehab once again and crying drunk. I just stayed away and did not talk to him. Said to call his mother if he needed anything and that I was not available this time. He has been to five rehabs this year, 2 detox weeks and a psych ward for a week this year. I am tired. Everytime he knew he was losing me he would pull one of the stunts above to "win me over" that he really wants to quit. Once he thinks he has pulled it over my head he drinks again, only to call it a relapse and that he will get back on the wagon of sobriety. He plays the same role over and over. I am not cold hearted just tired and don't want to be sucked into his world anymore. I bought the book Co-depenacy no more over the weekend while out with my sister and mom and will begin to read tonight. I truly feel that I am over this and ready to move on without him...

honoryourself

Sounds so familiar. I was a crying heap on the floor and my AH would literally step OVER TOP of me to get by to the kitchen for his beer or smoke. Not a shred of compassion. Sad thing is I've lost my compassion for him when he cries now too. I look at him and I think, you whiny little sob. As if I'm going to care about your 3 tears when you haven't cared about ANY of mine in 3 years. Then I feel like a bad person. Well I guess one day I'll get it right, but it will be without a man who treats me worse than a stranger would.

TakingCharge999

It is like running away from hell... some flames still try to get to you, but the furthest away you run, the less "heat" you feel... and the more grateful you are for getting out of it...

I was with the person only a few months, honestly I do not know how many of you have endured years of that madness.

I hope too one day I "fine-tune" my feelings so, I am able to recall the good days without anger or resentment... or sadness... yet I am able to remember why I left.

I am so grateful for SR for letting me be honest...

TakingCharge999

Also, the "firsts" after an important loss suck... afterwards it gets better... it is the first year when it sucks most.... I like this motto "this is how I feel now, tomorrow, or in 5 minutes, I may feel something different"

Sometimes I feel as if I will be stuck or feeling a certain way FOREVER but no!! that does not last either...

OtherHalf7

My marriage could have been a Lifetime movie. The difference from my exAH and my exABF was sociopathy; the first was a monster, physically and emotionally abusive, and everything about us was a lie; he never loved me...I was a "mark". We worked together, I made more money, and took him in until he bled me dry. The second was controlled by his emotions; whereas with hubby I never saw anything genuine other than rage, the ex bf laid it all out there...I was the stable one, classic codie.

Thanksgiving sucked...for the most part. Here's the "backstory"...I am adopted. I have been the oddball of that side of the family since my adoptive mother married my step-father. My cousins were hunters, good ole boys, high school dropouts, farmers, and here I come, well-read, artsy, pres. of the science club, etc.

The cousin that was born during the time my mom remarried is my saving grace. He and I are alums of the same college, similar interests, and proud to be weirdos. He and his wife, plus our kids, are very close and basically hung together at dinner.

My baby sis, another addict, brought her new bf there, and we were icily polite, until he held up a picture of us in our youth (I am a former beauty queen) and asked "how did you get this little albino brother?"

He meant it as a joke, but sis went ballistic.

Then, another cousin's wife gave me the silent treatment cause she used to DATE my ex-bf. Hello, that was a dozen years ago, way before, and I was off at college and did not know about that.

So, there you have it. I can't say it would have been any "easier" if he were there, but it couldn't have been any worse!

On a good note...I saw my therapist today, and she had me make a list of the positives of being out of both my ex-bf and sis's lives.

It was a loooooonggggggg one!

No more bailing anyone out of jail. No 2am drunk and dials. No more hiding son's ADHD meds in the attic. No more 3hour senseless circular conversations. No more UC attacks triggered by bad news....

and so on