Cath

So my ex and I broke up on Sunday. On his terms. Then he told me he cheated on me. Since then I have found out about a lot things...like that hes been doing cocaine and I didn't know...anyway, hes been calling over and over for the last hour, leaving crazy voicemails about saying goodbye. finally I have my sister answer and she talks to him (calmly) and he tells her he has slit his wrists a bunch of times....I can't even believe this is happening. I know its probably just a cry for attention, but I still worried so I called his dad and explained the situation and he is going to his house now. I'm not really sure if that was the right thing to do...but I didn't know what else to do. Still haven't talked to him or called him back or anything. I am just trying to calm down now...he's done this once before so its not something totally new...anyway, how should I handle this situation next time (if there is a next time)? Is is okay that I called his dad? I really just have no idea how to handle this type of situation....

Pelican

Cath,

You did the right thing in notifying someone in his family to check-up on him. That is all you could do. Let his family take care of the rest.

AlwaysGrowing

Walk away. Let him mend on his own.

NYC_Chick

Don't they have the Baker Act or something like that in Florida? I would have called too, but next time, don't answer the phone. His choices, his problem. Be good! HUGS!

Cath

Thanks everyone...i just freaked out and did not know what to do...his dad just called me and said that tomorrow hes either going to jail or going to be checked into the hospital bc he really did attempt to kill himself...so good..he needs to be in the hospital or something...i just cant believe this is happening now...ugh

Jadmack25

Honey you did just exactly what you had to do, and none of it was Codie.
Codie would be racing around there and "saving" him.

You can take a big bow, for letting his dad know and take over from there.

God bless

Cath

Thanks Jadmack....i saw him when he was going into his dads house...he couldnt even walk, his dad more or less dragged him into the house. I think this is the worst I have ever seen him. Its really hard watching that.

Thanks for your replies...I feel a little better now that I know I did the right thing...

OtherHalf7

Ditto here...I got the pix message of my now exab's sliced up arm...you did the right thing. It's not your responsibility to keep him alive, and it's probably attention-seeking behavior. When I began to detach, and quit acknowledging his, he quit speaking to me, but that's his choice, and he was my lover, not my child.

Here for you always.

OtherHalf7

Glad he's okay, and hopefully he's given himself the wakeup call he needs.

Cath

the ambulance just came and took him to the hospital because the bleeding won't stop. on top of that his step mom walked across the street and decided to inform me that he spoke to her earlier today and was "heartfelt" about everything he said and that he felt bad for everything he had done and that he has been wanting to break up with me for a month and just didn't know how??! that does not negate all of the s*** he has put me through and the fact that he cheated on me. ok sorry now i am just venting but come the F*** on...do I really need to hear that???

OtherHalf7

No it doesn't...I've learned to never fall for "Jerry Maguire" speeches more than twice. I believe in giving people second chances, but none beyond that

Once again, YOU are not to blame, and put up your guilt-trip shield!

Cath

good point OH...yeah i just need to put up my guilt-trip shield! haha I am tired of being sucked into the black hole of his family.

Cath

of course now I am having anxiety though about whats going to happen to him even though I need to worry about myself. His dad just called and said the paramedics said there is no way that he only drank, he must have done drugs too and the he will be in the hospital for at least 72 hours....I know he needs this, that this is good for him. But I also know I need to stop worrying about him or whats happening because I have no control...thats easier said than done ugh

husbandofacoa

I know this is a really hard time for you.

There is nothing good to be gained by my knowing every blow by blow detail. If his father called, I would not answer the phone. It is no help to you or him for you to know that he is going to the hospital, which hospital, how long, how much he bled. I get off the phone and stay away from the drama of this type of stuff. You are not obligated to listen to this.

You did not cause this and cannot fix it. You don't have to listen to it. I have learned that getting off the phone, or not answering in the first place, or hanging up if need be, are very powerful tools. It breaks me away from the chaos. People like him will never get recovery as long as they can control others through their bad behavior and drama.

I know that this sounds heartless; however, men don't kill themselves by slitting their wrists. Men kill themselves by sucking on a gun barrel. They slit their wrists for attention and to control others.

When I am loaded with anxiety over this type is situation, I try to find something positive to fill my mind. Simple things like working on a car, mopping the floor, cleaning a bathroom, anything so that I can expend some energy and let go of the anxiety. I would forget about the 72 hour time-line in the hospital. It will create anxiety as the end approaches. He is not your problem. You did not make him and you cannot fix him.

tjp613

In a situation where someone is threatening suicide, hang up and dial 9-1-1. You shouldn't try to analyze the situation. This also helps in cases where it's just for attention-getting. Having an ambulance and police come over will generally put a stop to that.

Learn2Live

I agree with tjp, next time call 9-1-1! But yes, you did the right thing by contacting someone.

JenT1968

((Cath))

he is in absolutely the best place possible, with people trained to care for and about him.

you did exactly the right thing. What would be the best thing for you now? could you be with some friends? or watching a favourite movie, or something else that could focus your mind away from his own struggles and consequences?

Cath

All of this is so true. It is hard for me to cut ties with everyone even though I know I need to...I have been trying to but they always suck me back in and I have to learn to stop doing that...would be nice if they did not live across the street from me which means I saw everything happen for the most part....yes, I do need to expend some energy or something bc I am feeling anxious today. I know I can't do anything for him and I know I have no control but its just hard learning to let it go!

Pelican

Treat yourself to a long walk or a jog. I find pounding the pavement theraputic. I don't take a cell phone with me and I walk at a fast pace for about 2 miles. I feel better about myself for making the effort to take care of myself physically.

It is time to detach emotionally from his drama. The best way to do that is to not take his families calls.

This crisis is not their best family moment, no? Since you already know the details, they want to share their crisis with you by keeping you updated. How's that saying go: Misery loves company.

This crisis could be a turning point for the ex-boyfriend and his family. They may come in contact with information and individuals that can help them recover from his addiction. They need to reach out to people that can help them cope, accept, and heal. They need to reach out to professionals and experienced support systems. Just as you try to do the same for yourself.

It is not cruel to detach from a crisis that you did not cause.
It is not cruel to detach from a crisis that you can not control.
It is not cruel to detach from a crisis that you will not cure.

Serenity Prayer:
God,
Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change,
Courage to change the things I can and
Wisdom to know the difference

Peace and ((hugs)) to you!

tjp613

Bucyn - I like you!