nodaybut2day

Ditto

Cath

thanks Bucyn!!

Now I am trying to get his family to leave me alone...Its hard bc they live across the street from me, they are messed up too and love the drama. misery loves company for sure in this case. His step mom is the biggest enabler of all time and puts up with his dad being a crackhead...and now hes just an alcoholic she says so its bearable...uhm no. Would it be appropriate to tell them I just don't want to be involved anymore with this drama? Its hard for me to walk away but I need to. She just came over here giving me some speech about how hes so remorseful for cheating on me and all this other BS that he fed her about how I am the liar and blah blah...so its just making me more angry...

tjp613

YES!!!!!! Not only is it appropriate, but it is necessary if you are ever to be able to recover and move on with your life, while reducing the risk of being sucked back in over and over. The hard part will be sticking by your guns, but it certainly can be done!

Cath

Thanks tjp! Yeah I am going to do that today.

Bucyn...you made me laugh thanks! I know, it means nothing that hes telling them he feels soooo bad bc he never once acted like he cared when he told me...or the three days after...oh but he can call when he wants attention and says hes going to kill himself. ughh so sick of being made out to be the bad guy.
I feel better knowing that at least here I have some support and I know that I can do this...

I am also planning on moving out of this house after I graduate from college (in May) if his family doesn't move when their lease is up. My parents own the house and wanted me to stay in it but after all this I think they will be more than happy to help me find somewhere else to live.

Cath

ok one more thing.... I am here now with my family for Thanksgiving dinner. My sister and her husband are staying with me this weekend so they witnessed the whole thing last night. Do I tell my mom or not? I guess thats really up to me but I cant decide how I feel about telling her

OtherHalf7

I know the feeling all to well...when mine overdosed, I assumed it was accidental, with only prescriptions and beer...I was shocked when I was told it was cocaine, too, and that his stomach had been pumped. (It was a suicide attempt.) I'm not telling you to not care, but for me, caring and worrying about HIM so much made me a MESS! Colitis came back, missed appointments, barely held it together for a while...focus on you Cath, 1st

Cath

Thanks OH...I told him family to leave me out of it. They seemed to respect that, but usually they do and after a few weeks they start texting or calling again. His whole family is a denial about a lot of this and enabling him so I can't be a part of that. I keep going back and forth between being mad, sad, anxious, etc. I have to keep constantly reminding myself that I am doing the right thing...its hard!

bookwyrm

Can't you screen your calls and block their texts? After a year of sporadic contact with the inlaws I finally went no contact with them too - it really has made a difference!

naive

cath, what about changing your phone number? that way xAF nor his family will have your number to call or text you. i know it's a major hassle but when i finally did, i wished i had done it straight away. naive

Cath

yeah I think I am going to change my number. I told my parents. They are helping me find somewhere else to live since I am almost sure that he will be moving in with his parents across the street...he gets out of his 72 hrs in the hospital sunday afternoon and I don't think they want him to be alone...so lets hope and pray I can 1. find somewhere to live and 2. my parents can find renters for this house. My mom is totally losing it and thinks hes going to come after me...which I guess he could at some point...but it probably won't happen yet bc usually it takes hima few weeks before he has another meltdown or starts drinking. Maybe I'll get lucky and he will actually get help now...thanks for the support and advice!

ItsmeAlice

To me it seems like a serious effort is being made by his family to pass his shabby self back off on you. They have so much dysfuntion to worry about as it is, dealing with him all by themselves must be quite taxing.

I think they need to be reminded in an insane broken record kind of way that HE BROKE UP WITH YOU. He cheated. He left. He lost it. He's miserable. He caused it. He can control it, and by God, he can take the steps to cure it.

There is nothing for you to participate in. No part of that equation has anything to do with you. Don't answer the door and get those numbers blocked.

When I'm at a loss at how to deal with someone from my past who thinks popping up in my face at the local grocery or bank with one of those cat that ate the canary grins wanted to know all about my business and what I've been up to because, yet again, down the line their going to burn me with whatever I tell them, I give them that doe-eyed look and ask repeated who they are and if I know them. Are they lost? Should I alert store security? Eventually, they move on and I don't have to suffer their spontaneous leaching behavior again.

Forget you know them. There should be vaccinations to steel us against toxic people. It's a plague I tell you...a plague.

Ok. I need to go to bed.

Hang in there Cath!!

Alice

Cath

Thanks Alice!! Your post made me smile . You are so right.