nodaybut2day

After yesterday's email volley, I felt a bit ashamed. I had responded to XH's email with an email rant of my own, which I typed and retyped and finally sent off in a fit of anger. Ooooooh, he boils my blood sometimes!! My parents have been right there with me, listening in on calls, reading emails, offering support and suggestion. We're all tired of him though...

Last night, a family friend got me a phone consult with a retiring family law judge from Laval, a neighboring city. We spoke at lengths about what was going on, and this man gave me better advice than my own lawyer. I even told him I was starting to lose faith in my lawyer...Anyhow, it felt good to talk to someone who has seen cases like mine day in day out for over 30 years. He agreed with me that weeknight visits needed to be curtailed for the good of my daughter, and that a single supervised week-end visit should suffice for now. He also indicated that I should make certain to bring up the order of protection during mediation, to ensure that XH knows what he is up against. He offered to talk to me again once the second mediation is done, to see where I stand.

All in all, I felt more settled, despite the 3 phone calls XH made to my parents' house all during dinner time. We didn't answer, and all wordlessly agreed to take the messages the following day.

This morning, my mother offered to listen to the messages, to lessen the impact it would have on me emotionally. She knows how upset I get when I have to deal with XH's threats and manipulation. The first message was just blah blah quack quack about "robbing him of parental rights". The second message was something garbled about taking DD to an art center, so the visit would be in public. The third message was an irrate one saying he'd found out his mother and I had been talking about him, and how could I do that to him, etc etc. XH has always wanted me far far away from his mom, probably because she knows exactly what happened in his past and can unravel his lies easily.

I thought my day was off to a good start but he called me at work, and because I have no caller ID, and because my boss was standing right in front of me, I had to answer. There were more threats of bringing the police with him to the daycare to ensure that he would be allowed to take DD from them. More angry words about how I dared to talk to his mother about us. Then there were threats to reveal to my parents that I'm obsessed with child porn (dunno where that came from???). I had to end the call because it was becoming an obvious quack dance.

ARG!

I panicked a bit. Called my mother for support. Called my father. Had some chamomille tea. Breathed deeply.

He called again. Had to pick up again. I indicated that I couldn't talk since I am at work. He finally offered to pick DD up early from daycare, but not before her nap is over, to take her to a kinderpark downtown and to call me around 6ish, so I can pick her up downtown and bring her home, leaving enough time for nursing, bath, playtime and an early bedtime.

Honestly, I've reached the point where I felt like I need to let go on certain issues. I don't want this to become a "who's going to win?" competition; I want to make sure DD is protected, cared for but also sees her father. This visit isn't the ideal thing, BUT, it'll be in a public place where XH can't drink or lose it and it'll be for 2-3 hours at most. There will be time to discuss and argue in mediation, but for now, I feel like I need to let go.

I hope I've done the right thing for DD. I feel as though I've accomplished something here in not backing down (too much) in the face of XH's threats and maintaining a bit of composure.

Thoughts?

Cowgirl1265

"Honestly, I've reached the point where I felt like I need to let go on certain issues. I don't want this to become a "who's going to win?" competition; I want to make sure DD is protected, cared for but also sees her father. This visit isn't the ideal thing, BUT, it'll be in a public place where XH can't drink or lose it and it'll be for 2-3 hours at most. There will be time to discuss and argue in mediation, but for now, I feel like I need to let go.

I hope I've done the right thing for DD. I feel as though I've accomplished something here in not backing down (too much) in the face of XH's threats and maintaining a bit of composure.

Thoughts? "

I don't think its a competition to see who will win. I think its a matter of protecting your child from a man who is clearly unstable. Just because he SAYS he is taking her to a public place, what is to stop him from taking her somewhere else, to a bar, then meeting you at the appointed time? NOTHING this man has done or says indicates to me that he is even remotely stable, unless there is a lot of information you are leaving out. Calling someone several times a day, making crazy statements, threats, etcetera, are not the hallmarks of sanity.

I think you are afraid of him and unsure how to stand your ground with him. The sooner you can get in front of a judge, the better. If it were me I might be asking my lawyer to ask for an emergency custody order. I'd be saving emails, texts and phone messages as evidence. You can sort the rest out later.

I'm really concerned for you and for your daughter.

hello-kitty

I think that guy sounds off his freakin' rocker.

My son came home with bruises all up and down his side because when I let his father take him to a grocery store unsupervised, one of the shopping carts tipped over on him... in a public place.

You obviously think he is safe because I'm sure you wouldn't let someone you didn't think was safe take your daughter. Right?

Wow. You are really putting a lot of trust in a really unstable, bitter, angry alcoholic. I hope everything works out and he doesn't run off with your daughter. I'm not sure why you don't think he will. It's your choice though. I hope everything works out.