Update on my family
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: California
Posts: 131
Update on my family
Earlier this year, I posted a series of messages about my journey through co-dependency, my relationship with my now xAGF and trying to figure out how to care for her children.
The short version of the update is this:
Last Friday I was granted temporary guardianship of one of her two children and I am back in court today to get guardianship of her other child. There will be a hearing after the first of the year making the temporary guardianships permanent.
It saddens me to have watched up what addiction and co-dependence do to families and the devastating impact it has on children.
My xAGF continues her destructive pattern of behavior. After she "dumped" me while in rehab, I have learned that she started dating someone the next week. She met him in an AA meeting. Two months after leaving rehab, they got married. She has found a new enabler. She is still on opiate based pain pills, but claims she is clean and sober. Whatever.
I have learned to stop trying to come up with a label for what she is. I have learned to stop trying to understand why and how she got to where she is. And I have learned to stop trying to convince her that she is killing herself.
The label, how, what and why don't really matter. She is lost in her addiction and is not capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, including her children. Perhaps one day she will figure it out. Perhaps she won't. That is between her and her higher power.
I do find myself still getting very angry about how she continues to harm her children, but am relieved that for the first time I will have complete legal authority to make sure they are properly taken care of.
It is my prayer that one day she finds her way back. Her kids deserve a healthy mother. But alas, I don't see any signs that this will happen anytime soon.
The short version of the update is this:
Last Friday I was granted temporary guardianship of one of her two children and I am back in court today to get guardianship of her other child. There will be a hearing after the first of the year making the temporary guardianships permanent.
It saddens me to have watched up what addiction and co-dependence do to families and the devastating impact it has on children.
My xAGF continues her destructive pattern of behavior. After she "dumped" me while in rehab, I have learned that she started dating someone the next week. She met him in an AA meeting. Two months after leaving rehab, they got married. She has found a new enabler. She is still on opiate based pain pills, but claims she is clean and sober. Whatever.
I have learned to stop trying to come up with a label for what she is. I have learned to stop trying to understand why and how she got to where she is. And I have learned to stop trying to convince her that she is killing herself.
The label, how, what and why don't really matter. She is lost in her addiction and is not capable of having a healthy relationship with anyone, including her children. Perhaps one day she will figure it out. Perhaps she won't. That is between her and her higher power.
I do find myself still getting very angry about how she continues to harm her children, but am relieved that for the first time I will have complete legal authority to make sure they are properly taken care of.
It is my prayer that one day she finds her way back. Her kids deserve a healthy mother. But alas, I don't see any signs that this will happen anytime soon.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
My xAGF continues her destructive pattern of behavior. After she "dumped" me while in rehab, I have learned that she started dating someone the next week. She met him in an AA meeting. Two months after leaving rehab, they got married. She has found a new enabler. She is still on opiate based pain pills, but claims she is clean and sober. Whatever.
I have learned to stop trying to come up with a label for what she is. I have learned to stop trying to understand why and how she got to where she is. And I have learned to stop trying to convince her that she is killing herself.
I will have complete legal authority to make sure they are properly taken care of.
Thanks for the update.
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Victoria, BC
Posts: 51
Your X sounds just like my SIL. She's addicted to crack but has a prescription opiate addiction that goes on every time she declares she's clean from booze or illegal drugs. It doesn't change the chaotic lifestyle that her kids have to live in.
I've just gotten custody of her fifteen year old son to give him a calm, safe place to live and go to school. My goal is to keep him mentally and physically well enough to get on with his own life and not get caught up trying to rescue her all the time. She will do what she will do. Her two older kids are already caught up and headed down her path.
I've just gotten custody of her fifteen year old son to give him a calm, safe place to live and go to school. My goal is to keep him mentally and physically well enough to get on with his own life and not get caught up trying to rescue her all the time. She will do what she will do. Her two older kids are already caught up and headed down her path.
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Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Thank you for the update. I have been worried about the children.
Thank HP that there are people like you who also worry about the children and with your perseverance you are moving forward to get custody of both. You are a very special person in my book!!!!!
I am happy that they will have a safe and secure home with someone who loves them and really cares about them.
I hope you have a very special Thanksgiving!!!!
Love and hugs,
Thank HP that there are people like you who also worry about the children and with your perseverance you are moving forward to get custody of both. You are a very special person in my book!!!!!
I am happy that they will have a safe and secure home with someone who loves them and really cares about them.
I hope you have a very special Thanksgiving!!!!
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hello trainwrect. i remember you well.
thank you for coming back here and letting us know the outcome. i am delighted that you have been granted guardianship for one, and next the other soon. we don't hear too much good news here and when it comes, i breath a sign of relief.
i want to thank you for looking after them. lord know what would have happened had she pursued her original plan to get an apartment and take them along.
i'm enjoying a movie right now, called "defending your life" written by albert brooks. it's a comedy and feels relevant somehow. you can watch it at Watch Movies Online For Free Full Movie Downloads for free. enjoy!
naive
thank you for coming back here and letting us know the outcome. i am delighted that you have been granted guardianship for one, and next the other soon. we don't hear too much good news here and when it comes, i breath a sign of relief.
i want to thank you for looking after them. lord know what would have happened had she pursued her original plan to get an apartment and take them along.
i'm enjoying a movie right now, called "defending your life" written by albert brooks. it's a comedy and feels relevant somehow. you can watch it at Watch Movies Online For Free Full Movie Downloads for free. enjoy!
naive
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
I do remember you. I am so happy you are in charge or soon will be in charge of the kids. Wonderful news. Thanks a lot for sharing! And you are right. It is sad but it is her life. And it is better to stay away.
You are such a great person, and have grown so much, in a short time. You should be proud of yourself.
Give a hug to the kids for us !
You are such a great person, and have grown so much, in a short time. You should be proud of yourself.
Give a hug to the kids for us !
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2009
Location: California
Posts: 131
Thanks for the encouragement. I now have guardianship of both children. I don't know what the future holds, but for now, the kids are safe, loved, happy, in school and doing well.
Someone made a comment on "non-relative guardianship." At least in California, anyone can petition for guardianship of a child. As a non-relative, it is harder to get, but I am proof that it is possible.
Someone made a comment on "non-relative guardianship." At least in California, anyone can petition for guardianship of a child. As a non-relative, it is harder to get, but I am proof that it is possible.
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