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Anyone know somebody who has completed or is going through treatment?



Anyone know somebody who has completed or is going through treatment?

Old 11-23-2009, 03:15 PM
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Anyone know somebody who has completed or is going through treatment?

My boyfriend started his treatment officially today (before he just had a few assesments) he is going to be going 4 hours a day m-thursday. He has so much drive to do this and succeed - Im so proud of him and I hope he maintains that attitude.

But Im also wondering what I have to look forward to - This weekend we fought and I was crying on the phone to his mom - she told me that if he ever becomes the person he was before he drank that I would probably fall in love with a brand new person because he was so sweet, caring and loving. I know that person may never come back but knowing that he wasnt always like this helps me a little bc I know that the person he is now is this way bc of his addiction.

If you know somebody who is currently in treatment - has their attitude, behavior or anything changed? What have you noticed that is different? Good and Bad of course

and if you know somebody who has completed treatment - how are they different? did they ever lapse and if they did, did they go back to the way they were?

I just hope that Chance gets through this to better himself. But in a small selfish way I hope that aggressive, selfish and mean person just goes away....at least for the most part....
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Old 11-23-2009, 03:29 PM
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One day at a time...
Focus on yourself...and leave his treatment to him.

The outcome can't be predicted.
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Old 11-23-2009, 05:16 PM
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My AW completed 23 days of treatment last month. You can't worry about what will happen to them when they get out of treatment it is up to them to take it seriously and recover.

Take care of yourself now because you will discover in a couple of days how much a weight has been lifted off your shoulders. Did I mention take care of yourself? I said that twice because it is so important.
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Old 11-23-2009, 06:06 PM
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I would actually ask that question down in the alcoholics forum, many of them/us went through treatment, and they love talking about themselves...I mean being helpful.

I'm teasing there but seriously, they can actually give you a pretty good idea what to expect both if he succeeds or if he fails and the signs, symptoms and changes either way.
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Old 11-23-2009, 08:52 PM
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Welcome ... I know this is a really hard time for you and the questions your posing are good ones. I think your posting in the right place because the real question should be what are you going to do for yourself during this process.

In answer to your questions, yes I have seen many people go through treatment and become sucessful in their recovery.... I have not however seen anyone go back to being the person they were before recovery... and Im not sure that is even possible. My husband is an alcoholic with almost 5 years in recovery, he has not lasped and is a completely different person today then he was, BUT.... he works his program every single day.

Just like my husband works his program every single day I also have to be working mine or our relationship probably would not work. Have you considered attending Al-anon? Living with or being in a relationship with an Alcoholic is not easy regardless of if they are drinking or not. It take a different type of grow and strength then other type of relationships. I had to do alot of soul searching and working on myself to figure out what my issues were... after all I would not say its normal to "choose" a long term relationship with an Alcoholic... there are reasons why I was attracted to someone with addiction issues...

When the others talk about taking care of yourself and working your own program... you need to know that it is vital when you choose to be in this type of relationship and there is no better place to start then Alanon. You have no control over his recovery and there is a chance even after many years of soberity that he could relasp.... however you do have control over your choices and the boundries you will need to learn to set. Trust me there is no better way to learn about this disease and your personal growth then to start working a program yourself.

I look forward to getting to know you better, stick around and keep posting. We have all been through it to one degree or another.
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Old 11-23-2009, 08:58 PM
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My EXAH went through treatment (30 day inpatient), and so did I (30 day inpatient). He chose not to embrace recovery. I did.

I strongly encourage you to dig into your own recovery, through a 12 step group like Alanon, perhaps some individual counseling.

Stay in today. Expectations are resentments waiting to happen.

For me, recovery was an extremely slow and painful process. I retained many of my worst traits even after treatment, which eventually led to me relapsing after 4 years clean/sober, and then finally hitting a bottom in my codependency 9 years into being clean/sober again.

I will never be the same person that I was before alcohol/drugs, nor would I want to be.

I was miserable inside. Alcohol/drugs were my solution for many years. Take away the alcohol/drugs, and that's where it gets really tough in recovery. I had to literally learn how to cope with life on life's terms, something I had never done before.

Take care of yourself and your well-being first and foremost. :ghug3
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Old 11-23-2009, 09:17 PM
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It took my older sister four tries in 25 years...the first time was for me, another sis, and our parents, the second, for her husband, the third, for my niece and nephew, and the fourth, for herself. She has been sober for 2 years It's awesome! Not to scare you, but relapse rates, dependent upon DOC, are 50-90%. Maintenance is key
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Old 11-23-2009, 09:20 PM
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Hello there Cucumber, and please to "meet" you

The best people to tell you what it's like to love somebody who is going thru treatment is people who have done that themselves. That would be members of al-anon meetings. They understand the feelings you are going thru the way nobody else can.

I hope you don't mind, but I took the liberty of reading thru all your posts and I see that al-anon has been suggested before, so I won't repeat what others have said.

Originally Posted by Cucumber2Pickle View Post
... If you know somebody who is currently in treatment - has their attitude, behavior or anything changed? .....
I've known hundreds and hundreds of people who have gone thru treatment. It's not the _treatment_ that changes them. All they get out of treatment is a bit of education about their disease and an introduction to some local meetings of AA. What _does_ change them is their own _willingness_ to follow a program of recovery and stick to it.

Originally Posted by Cucumber2Pickle View Post
... did they ever lapse and if they did, did they go back to the way they were?.....
Some do relapse. Some don't. There's been decades of scientific studies done on alcoholism and relapse, and there's mountains of books filled with statistics. If you're really interested I can give you links to all that. However, if you are like me, then I guess that the only thing you're interested in is whether _your_ boyfriend is going to "get it" and sober up.

That's why you hear the slogans "One day at a time", and "Focus on yourself" repeated so much. It's because _their_ recovery is totally in their hands. All I can do to support a loved one is to get involved in al-anon and make sure I am focused on _my_ recovery.

The way I see it, recovery is just like a partnership. If both partners are each giving it 100%, it will do well. But if either partner slacks off, then the whole partnership will fall apart.

Originally Posted by Cucumber2Pickle View Post
... But Im also wondering what I have to look forward to.....
The details of the treatment are different form one unit to another. Some don't let them out on weekends, some do. Some have intensive family programs every evening, some only on weekends, some not at all. Give them a call and ask them.

Whatever you decide to do about al-anon, keep coming back here and listen to the other people here on SR who are living with an alkie, whether in recovery or not. What I found helped me the most when dealing with my pill-headed ex-wife was to _not_ do it alone. Doing it alone is what was making me crazy. Sharing my fears and confusion with other people who had lived what I was living made all the difference, and saved my sanity.

Mike
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Old 11-24-2009, 05:17 AM
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Hi,

I want to share what I did when ex was in rehab for 30 days. I do not suggest following in my footsteps.

We talked on the phone everyday. He would call each evening. I sent weekly care packages of cookies and books. We treated it like camp. MISTAKE. In hindsight, I should NOT have communicated with him and just let him deal with it alone. We both needed space, but as a good codie I felt guilty and was doing what I thought was right at the time (without any knowledge).

He relapsed shortly afterwards. I was SOOOOOO caught up that I neglected myself and felt that I could control his drinking....I wish I went to al anon then.
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Old 11-24-2009, 06:25 PM
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Red face

I will take your advice - my husband is sober for just 2 weeks and has been leaning on me heavily up until yesterday. Now he wants space and is talking to other people who go to AA about the program. I too, am a good "codie" and actually feel left out - shouldn't I get to enjoy the recovery? I've certainly endured all the rest!
I've decided to back off and let him do his thing - if I don't and he fails, I will feel responsible. He started drinking long before I met him and he needs to do this on his own.
Thank you for the advice!!!!! So timely.
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