He just won't stop!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
He just won't stop!
The saga continues:
After ignoring my XH's text message and not responding to the call he made at my home last night, I thought I'd get a little peace and quiet. Not so.
I listened to his voicemail message where he stated that he wanted to see DD today, and if I continued to ignore his calls/emails (he'd been calling my work but I had taken time off forthe day), he'd simply go pick up DD from daycare Monday night and I'd just have to deal with it. He proceeded to remind me that we have shared legal custody of DD and that he's within his rights to see her.
That was bad enough.
I logged into my work email to find the kicker: a lengthy email where he sounds oh-so logical asking and then begging me not to try to go for sole custody. He has apparently found himself a lawyer who will take his case pro-bono (from the Father's League of somethingsomething), and he continues on to state that his lawyer believes that if we go to court, and we both dig up things from each other's past, that DD will be removed from both our custody.
There was all kinds of other stuff, like an apology for not letting me see my stepson, but that it's "for his own good". So, I'm not allowed to see my stepson but he has the balls to call me and demand to see his daughter (which is a rather convenient way for him to obtain unsupervised visitation of our daughter, seeing as his son is with him full-time).
The rest was just vaguely threatening (bringing up my past as a stripper, my supposed "multiple" suicide attempts, etc).
I spent the rest of the morning bawling. I was *trying* to have a restful and relaxing week-end AWAY from him and his manipulations. I'm petrified of his threats and wonder if there's any grounds to them. I sent his email off to my lawyer in the hopes that she and I can have a long conversation Monday morning.
I don't want war. I don't want THIS. But it looks like mediation isn't going to be way to go here.
Any wise input?
After ignoring my XH's text message and not responding to the call he made at my home last night, I thought I'd get a little peace and quiet. Not so.
I listened to his voicemail message where he stated that he wanted to see DD today, and if I continued to ignore his calls/emails (he'd been calling my work but I had taken time off forthe day), he'd simply go pick up DD from daycare Monday night and I'd just have to deal with it. He proceeded to remind me that we have shared legal custody of DD and that he's within his rights to see her.
That was bad enough.
I logged into my work email to find the kicker: a lengthy email where he sounds oh-so logical asking and then begging me not to try to go for sole custody. He has apparently found himself a lawyer who will take his case pro-bono (from the Father's League of somethingsomething), and he continues on to state that his lawyer believes that if we go to court, and we both dig up things from each other's past, that DD will be removed from both our custody.
There was all kinds of other stuff, like an apology for not letting me see my stepson, but that it's "for his own good". So, I'm not allowed to see my stepson but he has the balls to call me and demand to see his daughter (which is a rather convenient way for him to obtain unsupervised visitation of our daughter, seeing as his son is with him full-time).
The rest was just vaguely threatening (bringing up my past as a stripper, my supposed "multiple" suicide attempts, etc).
I spent the rest of the morning bawling. I was *trying* to have a restful and relaxing week-end AWAY from him and his manipulations. I'm petrified of his threats and wonder if there's any grounds to them. I sent his email off to my lawyer in the hopes that she and I can have a long conversation Monday morning.
I don't want war. I don't want THIS. But it looks like mediation isn't going to be way to go here.
Any wise input?
Being Silent so I can Hear
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,521
Take a deep breath and relax. There isn't a darned thing you can do (or he can do) right now - so no use even fretting about it until you can speak with your attorney.
You know what he's doing, and you know why. The odds of him getting your child taken away from you are vanishingly small.
You know what he's doing, and you know why. The odds of him getting your child taken away from you are vanishingly small.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
do you currently have a agreed to visitation with XH?
as in, he sees DD mon, wed, fri after daycare or whatever?
if you do, i don't think you have to be at his beck and call for any little whim he has to see her.
any changes to said visitiation he should request to your lawyer. i would communicate that to him and then take any of his calls or read his emails.
further threats will upset you and ruin your day.
it's not illegal to be a stripper, by the way.
as in, he sees DD mon, wed, fri after daycare or whatever?
if you do, i don't think you have to be at his beck and call for any little whim he has to see her.
any changes to said visitiation he should request to your lawyer. i would communicate that to him and then take any of his calls or read his emails.
further threats will upset you and ruin your day.
it's not illegal to be a stripper, by the way.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Remind yourself that awfulizing about things that have not happened is unpreductive and unhealthy to your body, mind, and spirit. Stay in the present and deal with what is real and actual.
He can rant and rave about your past and try to make that a present reality and a concern in any court drama, but he's just trying to strike fear in you that you've done something wrong. This is to make himself feel better for his mistakes and it's BS.
If it makes you feel better, think about what you were then and what you are now. Then think of what he was then and what he is now. Who's grown? Who's healthy? Who's present as a parent? Who's repeating old bad habits?
I'm going to take a chance here and say that you rise far above his sad self on your worst day.
He was wrong before he wrote you the email. He's still wrong. This is how they roll, they spew something out to make you second guess yourself and spin your brain all weekend. He is a speed bump on your path. Move over and Move on!
Alice
He can rant and rave about your past and try to make that a present reality and a concern in any court drama, but he's just trying to strike fear in you that you've done something wrong. This is to make himself feel better for his mistakes and it's BS.
If it makes you feel better, think about what you were then and what you are now. Then think of what he was then and what he is now. Who's grown? Who's healthy? Who's present as a parent? Who's repeating old bad habits?
I'm going to take a chance here and say that you rise far above his sad self on your worst day.
He was wrong before he wrote you the email. He's still wrong. This is how they roll, they spew something out to make you second guess yourself and spin your brain all weekend. He is a speed bump on your path. Move over and Move on!
Alice
Belgian Sheepdog Adictee
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: In Today
Posts: 6,101
Make sure you are saving any and all voicemails from him and any and all emails from him to be given to your lawyer. Also your log of his actions that you have observed, with DD ...... ie not feeding or bathing her, etc Be honest with your lawyer.
This is 'blowing smoke' on his part. Why? Because he wants to 'rattle' you and hopes you will say or do something that he can use against you. Be at the next 'mediation appointment.' If he doesn't show up, or continues to be totally uncooperative, and not open to the 'mediators' suggestions, this will be reported to the Court by the mediator and of course will show in your favor.
To the best of your ability, keep a smile on your face and in your voice, do not respond to his absurd demands and rantings. If you must respond, say something short and sweet like "we'll discuss this at mediation." etc I suspect your stepson will contact you, even if it is when he is at school, since he has your phone numbers. That too will work itself out in time. Right now keep DD and her safety as your primary focus, which btw you are doing a pretty good job at!!!!
I do believe you are going to have a fight on your hands but I really doubt if any Judge in their 'right' mind will give him any more custody than he nows has and will probably give you 'sole' custody and and 'visitation schedule' for him, possibly a 'supervised' visitation since he is still in active addiction.
Now, take some SLOW, DEEP, BREATHS as in take a big breath in, hold to the count of ten and then exhale. Do this 10 times. It will calm you, and slow down your racing mind. Do this as often as you need to, to stay calm. It will also help you to keep from 'awfulizing.' which we all have a tendency to do.
Know that we are walking with you, in spirit, through this.
Keeping you and DD in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
This is 'blowing smoke' on his part. Why? Because he wants to 'rattle' you and hopes you will say or do something that he can use against you. Be at the next 'mediation appointment.' If he doesn't show up, or continues to be totally uncooperative, and not open to the 'mediators' suggestions, this will be reported to the Court by the mediator and of course will show in your favor.
To the best of your ability, keep a smile on your face and in your voice, do not respond to his absurd demands and rantings. If you must respond, say something short and sweet like "we'll discuss this at mediation." etc I suspect your stepson will contact you, even if it is when he is at school, since he has your phone numbers. That too will work itself out in time. Right now keep DD and her safety as your primary focus, which btw you are doing a pretty good job at!!!!
I do believe you are going to have a fight on your hands but I really doubt if any Judge in their 'right' mind will give him any more custody than he nows has and will probably give you 'sole' custody and and 'visitation schedule' for him, possibly a 'supervised' visitation since he is still in active addiction.
Now, take some SLOW, DEEP, BREATHS as in take a big breath in, hold to the count of ten and then exhale. Do this 10 times. It will calm you, and slow down your racing mind. Do this as often as you need to, to stay calm. It will also help you to keep from 'awfulizing.' which we all have a tendency to do.
Know that we are walking with you, in spirit, through this.
Keeping you and DD in my prayers.
Love and hugs,
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Humboldt TN
Posts: 114
Document, document, document and let the courts handle it...my divorce took nearly two years, and now my AXH has NO visitation with our kids...we went back to court in September, five years after the divorce was granted, and he represented himself (I asked for an order of protection against him for me and the children because he was beginning to act violently towards them on visits, and threatened me and my SO repeatedly).
The judge saw his violent, irrational behavior, his "true colors", and granted us a year-long no contact felony order of protection.
My soon to be ex ASO is in a custody battle himself...they tried mediation, but since he and she could not "play nice", it got ugly. This was one factor that set off his relapse, and one reason he and I are parting ways (The relapse, that is). He is letting the lawyers handle it, but, in my opinion, since he and she are both unhealthy, neither really deserves the child.
But, I'm not the judge.
Keep your chin up, and NEVER stoop to his level!
Sending prayers and good karma your way!
The judge saw his violent, irrational behavior, his "true colors", and granted us a year-long no contact felony order of protection.
My soon to be ex ASO is in a custody battle himself...they tried mediation, but since he and she could not "play nice", it got ugly. This was one factor that set off his relapse, and one reason he and I are parting ways (The relapse, that is). He is letting the lawyers handle it, but, in my opinion, since he and she are both unhealthy, neither really deserves the child.
But, I'm not the judge.
Keep your chin up, and NEVER stoop to his level!
Sending prayers and good karma your way!
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