caringex

Why do I love this man who has destroyed my heart time and again over 7 years? I have stayed away from him as best I could since we have children together but last week I opened up only to have him disappear for two days. And then somehow its my fault??? He ranted and raved at me that I am too paranoid and too negative. My problem is I know exactly what he is doing and it is only a matter of time before he gets put back in jail for good. I know I should not care after what he has put me through but I love him and he is the father of my children. His mother wants to get him help but I don't think you can help someone who won't admit he has a problem. What to do??

grrl77

You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink. Everyone has choices, including you. It's tough to make the right one, the one that's not emotionally involved sometimes.

I read this today: Addiction, Lies and Relationships

It blew my mind. It's like a medical perspective on the addiction, except it was also like someone wrote about my entire relationship over the course of a year. Every. Single. Word.

caringex

That is a powerful article and so very true. I wish I did not love him and goodness knows after all he has done in the past I should hate him from cheating on me, lying, who knows what else but for some reason I have this overwhelming power over me when it comes to him. I did not answer the phone tonight when he called from jail lets hope I can hold on again tomorrow. This has been such a struggle for me for so long I want to end this and each time I am determined to do so I run right to him when he calls. I do not support him in anyway when he starts spiraling in fact I refuse to let him around but no matter how many times I have told him to get lost he always tries again. UGH!!!

Buffalo66

Thanks for the link, Grrrl77! I found and bookmarked more stuff on that site, too. Great stuff.

grrl77

The link was just wild to me - My situation is just like everyone else's when it comes down to it. Basics are the same, anyway. But as I read that article, it was like... the progression of our entire relationship unfolding in words from a complete stranger's mouth. Must be some truth to it.

I know how hard it is, caringex. I'm probably blessed in some ways, that my ex is long distance, but it doesn't make the emotional part any easier. I think of him a lot. Miss him every day.. Well. Let me clarify. I miss the man that I fell in love with, every day. When he drinks, he's just not the same guy. It's like watching the death of a loved one, and the shell of him continues to walk around. The worst for me is his justifications. "We just weren't right for eachother." The only thing "not right" about us was that I don't kill two bottles of wine a night. The frustrating part is, when he's sober, we never fight. We're able to have legit conversations where everyone's in their right mind.

I probably shouldn't dwell on the whys and what ifs so much, but it's hard because it seems like something that could have been prevented; this ONE THING stands between me and the man I love. Y'know?