What change can I make today?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
What change can I make today?
Greetings campers.
I have long hair. I've had long hair most of my life. On my birthday I cut off about 4 inches and now it's just below my shoulders, but it's still long. And curly... naturally. Big hair. I really like my big hair, so don't squirm... I'm not cutting it off.... MOM!!! (Mom always liked it short. She has given up. Smart girl.) Anyway this morning I was washing my long hair in the shower. My whole life I've piled it up on top of my head to wash. Well ladies... the last creme rinse I bought I have found I am allegic to... so I didn't have any to use. I thought "If I pile my hair on top of my head to wash it... it will tangle and I'll never get a comb through this big hair with no creme rinse. So... lessee if I can wash it just hanging down." By damn. I CAN. So then I get to thinking... why did I do it that way in the first place? Because. I saw someone on tv washing their hair in a commercial doing it that way at a young and impressionable age. I thought that's how you did it. It has never occured to me in forty something years to try anything else. Now I have a better smarter way. My way. Probably how I would have done it all along if I hadn't been mimicking someone else.
This must sound really dumb... but I felt ecstatically free. And now I'm thinking... what else is there like that in my life? WhatdoIdothatI'vealwaysdonethatwayjustbecauseI'vea lwaysdoneitthatwayandIdiditthatwayinthefirstplaceb ecausesomeoneELSEdidandIcanstopitandmakeonemorethi nginmylifenotonlyeasierbutMINE??? (I thought maybe punctuation should be the first thing to go, but that's social and affects communication... so maybe not.) So I'm putting on my awareness goggles today and watching what I do. Everytime I get frustrated with something I'm going to figure out if some HABIT has me cornered and what I can do to change. Poor Dino. Who knows what he will come home to? I've already decided to move the desk. I'll let you know how it goes.
I also realized, that this is a pretty interesting awakening for a codie. It is the habits of a lifetime that have brought me to codependent situations. They're not even all MY habits. I didn't get them in a vaccuum. I got them from watching someone else. Hanging with other recovering codies, studying the literature and such, I've identified a lot of those habits and changed them. But it wasn't... forgive me... I can't think of a better word.... organic. It didn't grow out of me. Once again, I was copying other people. Mind you... these were LOTS better people to be copying, and the changes suit me. But that was really hard. And this may be a more direct route. So, for this week to start... whenever I have a habitual emotional reaction to something and it HURTS I'm gonna ask... "Is this useful?" "Is this appropriate?" "Is this even MINE?"
I could probably see the monitor better if the lamp was on the other side of the desk.....
I have long hair. I've had long hair most of my life. On my birthday I cut off about 4 inches and now it's just below my shoulders, but it's still long. And curly... naturally. Big hair. I really like my big hair, so don't squirm... I'm not cutting it off.... MOM!!! (Mom always liked it short. She has given up. Smart girl.) Anyway this morning I was washing my long hair in the shower. My whole life I've piled it up on top of my head to wash. Well ladies... the last creme rinse I bought I have found I am allegic to... so I didn't have any to use. I thought "If I pile my hair on top of my head to wash it... it will tangle and I'll never get a comb through this big hair with no creme rinse. So... lessee if I can wash it just hanging down." By damn. I CAN. So then I get to thinking... why did I do it that way in the first place? Because. I saw someone on tv washing their hair in a commercial doing it that way at a young and impressionable age. I thought that's how you did it. It has never occured to me in forty something years to try anything else. Now I have a better smarter way. My way. Probably how I would have done it all along if I hadn't been mimicking someone else.
This must sound really dumb... but I felt ecstatically free. And now I'm thinking... what else is there like that in my life? WhatdoIdothatI'vealwaysdonethatwayjustbecauseI'vea lwaysdoneitthatwayandIdiditthatwayinthefirstplaceb ecausesomeoneELSEdidandIcanstopitandmakeonemorethi nginmylifenotonlyeasierbutMINE??? (I thought maybe punctuation should be the first thing to go, but that's social and affects communication... so maybe not.) So I'm putting on my awareness goggles today and watching what I do. Everytime I get frustrated with something I'm going to figure out if some HABIT has me cornered and what I can do to change. Poor Dino. Who knows what he will come home to? I've already decided to move the desk. I'll let you know how it goes.
I also realized, that this is a pretty interesting awakening for a codie. It is the habits of a lifetime that have brought me to codependent situations. They're not even all MY habits. I didn't get them in a vaccuum. I got them from watching someone else. Hanging with other recovering codies, studying the literature and such, I've identified a lot of those habits and changed them. But it wasn't... forgive me... I can't think of a better word.... organic. It didn't grow out of me. Once again, I was copying other people. Mind you... these were LOTS better people to be copying, and the changes suit me. But that was really hard. And this may be a more direct route. So, for this week to start... whenever I have a habitual emotional reaction to something and it HURTS I'm gonna ask... "Is this useful?" "Is this appropriate?" "Is this even MINE?"
I could probably see the monitor better if the lamp was on the other side of the desk.....
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
OH SMOKE, I wish I could come over and hug you in person...Are you sure You're not a Dr. Phil and Phyiss Diller combination...
When I first started this journey I had to start with basics that we all have been told over and over through, our parents, teachers, radio (I go back aways), and tv...Things like "Every Job worth doing is worth doing well"...which I translated that to Do It Perfect...( YES I HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM)sooooo I scubbed my floors on my hands and knees, used paste wax, and buffed it to a shine...just an example....Today I have NO wax floors and use a rag on a stick(so my son calls it) that all you do is throw the dirty rag away when you're done...My G.Mother would be horrified...But it sure leaves me more free time...My self-worth depended on washing my windows every week...Windows? , I have windows; where?
Just joking...But that's where I was in the beginning...
Then my sponsor told me to keep things balanced I need to ask myself "HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?" Is it important enough that I would want it on my grave stone? BOY, Did that ever wake me up. Today I have more balance in my life. It helped me put my recovery first. I now have time to work on me and where I am going, where I want to be. People are more important than having a spotless house...(HOUSE WORK DONE PROPERY WILL KILL YOU.)
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever come here (to a site that doesn't have spell_check), because I wouldn't have done it perfectly or right, I would not have anything important to share..ect., ect.,
So good for you ...I am still finding things to change in my thought process and my life...as for Dino, YES, he'll have to adjust and learn to accecpt, so the Codie in you can justifly all this growth by telling yourself I AM HELPING DINO GROW. HE! HE! HE! HE!
Don't you just love the way the human mind works...
God Bless
When I first started this journey I had to start with basics that we all have been told over and over through, our parents, teachers, radio (I go back aways), and tv...Things like "Every Job worth doing is worth doing well"...which I translated that to Do It Perfect...( YES I HAVE A HEARING PROBLEM)sooooo I scubbed my floors on my hands and knees, used paste wax, and buffed it to a shine...just an example....Today I have NO wax floors and use a rag on a stick(so my son calls it) that all you do is throw the dirty rag away when you're done...My G.Mother would be horrified...But it sure leaves me more free time...My self-worth depended on washing my windows every week...Windows? , I have windows; where?
Just joking...But that's where I was in the beginning...
Then my sponsor told me to keep things balanced I need to ask myself "HOW IMPORTANT IS IT?" Is it important enough that I would want it on my grave stone? BOY, Did that ever wake me up. Today I have more balance in my life. It helped me put my recovery first. I now have time to work on me and where I am going, where I want to be. People are more important than having a spotless house...(HOUSE WORK DONE PROPERY WILL KILL YOU.)
Never in my wildest dreams would I have ever come here (to a site that doesn't have spell_check), because I wouldn't have done it perfectly or right, I would not have anything important to share..ect., ect.,
So good for you ...I am still finding things to change in my thought process and my life...as for Dino, YES, he'll have to adjust and learn to accecpt, so the Codie in you can justifly all this growth by telling yourself I AM HELPING DINO GROW. HE! HE! HE! HE!
Don't you just love the way the human mind works...
God Bless
believer
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: walking in faith
Posts: 1,023
I am a huge procrastinator. All through school and college, I would wait until the last possible minute to do all projects and assignments. Consequently, I never really did my best b/c I was always in such a hurry to just finish before the deadline.
Now I'm in grad school. It's a distance learning program, meaning twice a week (I'm taking two classes this semester), I get a CD in the mail of the class lectures. I email my homework to the professor and any exams I have to take my boss proctors for me and faxes them into my teacher.
I graduate this semester - woo hoo! And I'm finally enjoying being in school. You know why? I stopped procrastinating. For the first year and a half, I would let weeks go by without watching any of my class lectures. Then, I would have to watch HOURS and HOURS of lectures the week before the exam and pray I would learn the material in time. It was very stressful and I didn't learn as much as I should have.
Well, sometime last spring I decided to try it differently. Now, I actually watch the lectures within a day or two of getting them in the mail, and I always make sure to view them before I get the next one in the mail. And what do you know? My grades are better, I'm learning more, and I'm enjoying not having to rush through my classes. Why it took me so long to figure this out, I don't know. But I finally figured out a better way of taking classes that actually works for me. Who knew?????
Now I'm in grad school. It's a distance learning program, meaning twice a week (I'm taking two classes this semester), I get a CD in the mail of the class lectures. I email my homework to the professor and any exams I have to take my boss proctors for me and faxes them into my teacher.
I graduate this semester - woo hoo! And I'm finally enjoying being in school. You know why? I stopped procrastinating. For the first year and a half, I would let weeks go by without watching any of my class lectures. Then, I would have to watch HOURS and HOURS of lectures the week before the exam and pray I would learn the material in time. It was very stressful and I didn't learn as much as I should have.
Well, sometime last spring I decided to try it differently. Now, I actually watch the lectures within a day or two of getting them in the mail, and I always make sure to view them before I get the next one in the mail. And what do you know? My grades are better, I'm learning more, and I'm enjoying not having to rush through my classes. Why it took me so long to figure this out, I don't know. But I finally figured out a better way of taking classes that actually works for me. Who knew?????
Learning to love life...
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
He he... Procrastination is my past time - I really should work on that, but nahhhh.... I'll do it later!!:p
Thank you Smoke.
For bringing a little "aha" moment into my life today, for allowing me to look at things a little differently, and for making life seem just Oh so simple.
Every once in a while my mind nags at me... It tells me that I have been neglecting things, that I have been sitting in my own "poop"... and that its about time I "snap myself out of it".
Today, that message was brought to me via Smoke
Take care
Meg
Thank you Smoke.
For bringing a little "aha" moment into my life today, for allowing me to look at things a little differently, and for making life seem just Oh so simple.
Every once in a while my mind nags at me... It tells me that I have been neglecting things, that I have been sitting in my own "poop"... and that its about time I "snap myself out of it".
Today, that message was brought to me via Smoke
Take care
Meg
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
Oh thanks a lot Smoke
Now I have to focus on what a creature of habit I am.
Oh my, look at that eighties bi-level haircut I have had for way too long. Too bad, I'm not changing that, I like my hair.
Oh and then there is the make-up. I've been doing that the same way for years too. Hmm, I could probably make some changes there. Maybe get some tips from my son's girlfriend. Or, GASP!, go get a makeover.
Okay, well I'm feeling kind of stubborn and stuck in my ways right now. But I will concede to put on the awareness goggles and at least NOTICE little changes I could make.
Peace,
Gabe
Oh my, look at that eighties bi-level haircut I have had for way too long. Too bad, I'm not changing that, I like my hair.
Oh and then there is the make-up. I've been doing that the same way for years too. Hmm, I could probably make some changes there. Maybe get some tips from my son's girlfriend. Or, GASP!, go get a makeover.
Okay, well I'm feeling kind of stubborn and stuck in my ways right now. But I will concede to put on the awareness goggles and at least NOTICE little changes I could make.
Peace,
Gabe
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Smoke,
I am always changing things...I bore easily and I hate status quo...I thrive on change. Let's see.
Moving the bed (gotta watch that one...Ward isn't always himself when he retires)
Changing the order I get ready in the morning. Brush teeth before shower or after??? During? Now that sounds like a time saver!
Change how I drive to work in the morning...there are alot of different ways I can go so I change often.
Oh...Daff...I thought I was excessive washing windows 6 times a year. I change that too....different solutions, different tools.
A life without change for me would be unlivable..I always mix things up.
Hugs,
JT
I am always changing things...I bore easily and I hate status quo...I thrive on change. Let's see.
Moving the bed (gotta watch that one...Ward isn't always himself when he retires)
Changing the order I get ready in the morning. Brush teeth before shower or after??? During? Now that sounds like a time saver!
Change how I drive to work in the morning...there are alot of different ways I can go so I change often.
Oh...Daff...I thought I was excessive washing windows 6 times a year. I change that too....different solutions, different tools.
A life without change for me would be unlivable..I always mix things up.
Hugs,
JT
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
Ohhh Smoke - I love this thread!!!
I am in the process of moving (Oct 1st), which means going through EVERYTHING and tossing, classifying, giving away or packing.
I am amazed at how much stuff I have that I don't need, don't want, never cared for and always kept. I am talking about 30 bags of garbage, 2 truckloads to the Salvation Army, a truckload to the dump and at least a room full of stuff that my neighbours or their kids would like. And I'm not done yet.
Your post here has given me a new attitude. As I finish going through things I am going to take notice of how much I tend to keep just because of old insecurities. I intend to literally "lighten my load".
Now, if I could just send my hubby to visit with Dino until I'm done, I could actually get done.
.
What change can I make today? I can free myself of unneeded clutter.
Hugs
Ann
I am in the process of moving (Oct 1st), which means going through EVERYTHING and tossing, classifying, giving away or packing.
I am amazed at how much stuff I have that I don't need, don't want, never cared for and always kept. I am talking about 30 bags of garbage, 2 truckloads to the Salvation Army, a truckload to the dump and at least a room full of stuff that my neighbours or their kids would like. And I'm not done yet.
Your post here has given me a new attitude. As I finish going through things I am going to take notice of how much I tend to keep just because of old insecurities. I intend to literally "lighten my load".
Now, if I could just send my hubby to visit with Dino until I'm done, I could actually get done.
. What change can I make today? I can free myself of unneeded clutter.
Hugs
Ann
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