Leaving DV Shelter, going to stay with girlfriend
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Cowgirl - If the story of my journey is somehow positive, I'm blessed. I don't handle compliments well at all. But thank you!
Live Angel... looking forward to it, but sorry you're off today. I understand completely, though. Sending love and a great, big, sloppy kiss! Tee hee!
Live Angel... looking forward to it, but sorry you're off today. I understand completely, though. Sending love and a great, big, sloppy kiss! Tee hee!
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
hi tigger-
glad to hear you are out of the shelter and with a friend in comparative luxury!
i know it's still not the same as being in your home (having fled myself), but this too will pass. for now, you are safe and sound with no broken bones! try to greet each new day and remind yourself of what you are grateful for...
recovery is a journey and for myself, i find if i just let go of all of my expectations and enter into the new day, new people, new environment, things go ok and i can keep myself out of depression.
be helpful to others and it will help to lift the cloud.
naive
glad to hear you are out of the shelter and with a friend in comparative luxury!
i know it's still not the same as being in your home (having fled myself), but this too will pass. for now, you are safe and sound with no broken bones! try to greet each new day and remind yourself of what you are grateful for...
recovery is a journey and for myself, i find if i just let go of all of my expectations and enter into the new day, new people, new environment, things go ok and i can keep myself out of depression.
be helpful to others and it will help to lift the cloud.
naive
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Yes, Niave... the depression is tough. I'm learning how to identify it. I've never had to in the past. Now I have long bouts with it. Man can you fall off of all kinds of wagons when you're in a funk! And you think... I'll just get through this day, or hour, or moment, and that time period never seems to end. Ugh!
For this moment, my spirits are pretty much up. The house I stayed in last night is LOVELY. Much nicer than my house. I stink at decorating and cleaning, and this lady is great at both! Lordy I hope I don't mess up her place too much! LOL - these things just aren't important to me, but I admire them in other people's homes. Being out of the shelter IS luxury! No feeling rushed in the bathroom, lack of lights when drying my hair, which actually looks half way decent today, no worrying about stuff being stolen, and having to leave valuables in my car. No dealing with others' emotions when I've enough to deal with with my own, no stories about drugs or beatings, no watching mindless crap on TV and thinking a modeling show is so cool.
Just quiet, cute puppies learning how to get along, clean house, clean and decent towels, a house in good repair, a girlfriend who I can trust and who understands essentially what I'm dealing with, is welcoming and non-judgemental, the hope of going to some alanon meetings and perhaps church. Sigh of relief! Yawn, stretch. Ahhhhhh... there are SO many things in life to be thankful for!
Please remind me of that next time I post a funk on SR.
And thank you thank you thank you for your prayers and cyber hugs and real prayers!
Tigg
For this moment, my spirits are pretty much up. The house I stayed in last night is LOVELY. Much nicer than my house. I stink at decorating and cleaning, and this lady is great at both! Lordy I hope I don't mess up her place too much! LOL - these things just aren't important to me, but I admire them in other people's homes. Being out of the shelter IS luxury! No feeling rushed in the bathroom, lack of lights when drying my hair, which actually looks half way decent today, no worrying about stuff being stolen, and having to leave valuables in my car. No dealing with others' emotions when I've enough to deal with with my own, no stories about drugs or beatings, no watching mindless crap on TV and thinking a modeling show is so cool.
Just quiet, cute puppies learning how to get along, clean house, clean and decent towels, a house in good repair, a girlfriend who I can trust and who understands essentially what I'm dealing with, is welcoming and non-judgemental, the hope of going to some alanon meetings and perhaps church. Sigh of relief! Yawn, stretch. Ahhhhhh... there are SO many things in life to be thankful for!
Please remind me of that next time I post a funk on SR.
And thank you thank you thank you for your prayers and cyber hugs and real prayers!
Tigg
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Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 2,059
well, tigger, i'd spend a month in a shelter to not have this broken shoulder.
domestic violence is like a weird, slow motion movie. you don't think they'll do it. how could they? after all you've shared, all you've loved, all the times you've cared for them...and then, they are indeed attacking you, in some sort of out-of-control drunken rage where they blame you for their misery...
crazy stuff.
i can imagine that in your head you might be thinking "he's not that bad, he won't do it" but in your gut, you know he *might*...
it is such a hassle and inconvenience to flee but it is the sure route. see, you are still unharmed!
i know you want to go home. i know you want him to get better. but we must take care of ourselves because alcholism is a monster.
as for the depression, i totally relate to you saying that it is new to you and you are learning how to identify it. i feel the same.
i feel comfort when i pray and trust in god. i was fretting today about not having any money and i could feel myself becoming scared. then i remembered "trust in god for everything. not a hair on your head is uncounted. he knows your need before you do" and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders in an instant.
i also feel better when i do something. it could be as simple as vacuuming the whole house. i feel depressed when i start and when i finish, i feel better.
think of your friend who is helping you and make yourself useful. everyone enjoys a break, like having some food already prepared in a pot on the stove.
i find when my energy is on me and my problems, i feel my aura shrink.
when my energy is moving outwards towards others, i forget about myself and feel better.
with you all the way to freedom, tigger, for both of us.
naive
domestic violence is like a weird, slow motion movie. you don't think they'll do it. how could they? after all you've shared, all you've loved, all the times you've cared for them...and then, they are indeed attacking you, in some sort of out-of-control drunken rage where they blame you for their misery...
crazy stuff.
i can imagine that in your head you might be thinking "he's not that bad, he won't do it" but in your gut, you know he *might*...
it is such a hassle and inconvenience to flee but it is the sure route. see, you are still unharmed!
i know you want to go home. i know you want him to get better. but we must take care of ourselves because alcholism is a monster.
as for the depression, i totally relate to you saying that it is new to you and you are learning how to identify it. i feel the same.
i feel comfort when i pray and trust in god. i was fretting today about not having any money and i could feel myself becoming scared. then i remembered "trust in god for everything. not a hair on your head is uncounted. he knows your need before you do" and a huge weight was lifted off of my shoulders in an instant.
i also feel better when i do something. it could be as simple as vacuuming the whole house. i feel depressed when i start and when i finish, i feel better.
think of your friend who is helping you and make yourself useful. everyone enjoys a break, like having some food already prepared in a pot on the stove.
i find when my energy is on me and my problems, i feel my aura shrink.
when my energy is moving outwards towards others, i forget about myself and feel better.
with you all the way to freedom, tigger, for both of us.
naive
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Naive Dear... what a comforting and confirming post. Thank you!
Some of the things that hit me most that you said:
you might be thinking "he's not that bad, he won't do it" but in your gut, you know he *might*...
The farther I get in time from having left my house, the more this thought occurs to me, and the stronger it gets. I KNOW that he's potentially dangerous and even homocidal. But my mind and heart are playing tricks on me. Thank GOD I'm still afraid of him and NOT willing, or even able to go back. I couldn't make myself drive by the house if I wanted to. Lately, when I'm in a funk, I'll go outside and think; "well, if he's there pointing a gun at me from somewhere in the bushes or across the street... oh well. I'm good with my Lord, if He wants me now, there's nothing I can do to stop it anyway". I get so tired of being scared.
So here's my positive thought for the moment. Background... my Mom raised me to be a helpful guest. I am overwhelmed by my new roommates generosity, and want to help as much as possible. This will help me to get out of negative thoughts and point toward doing things for her, as you suggested, Naive. Tonight, I'm going to stop on the way home and pick us up some dinner. If I play my cards right, I'll even be able to cook it. If you don't already know, I DON'T COOK! But I'm going to try this so I can help her. I'm hoping this turns out to be a big positive (Sarah learns how to cook a little?).
I'm toying with the idea of giving her some rent $'s. She had to order a new washer/dryer, so a few bucks might help. Whether I can make it to the end of the month financially, I don't know. But I"m going to take the chance.
All the way to Freedom, Naive right with you!
Some of the things that hit me most that you said:
you might be thinking "he's not that bad, he won't do it" but in your gut, you know he *might*...
The farther I get in time from having left my house, the more this thought occurs to me, and the stronger it gets. I KNOW that he's potentially dangerous and even homocidal. But my mind and heart are playing tricks on me. Thank GOD I'm still afraid of him and NOT willing, or even able to go back. I couldn't make myself drive by the house if I wanted to. Lately, when I'm in a funk, I'll go outside and think; "well, if he's there pointing a gun at me from somewhere in the bushes or across the street... oh well. I'm good with my Lord, if He wants me now, there's nothing I can do to stop it anyway". I get so tired of being scared.
So here's my positive thought for the moment. Background... my Mom raised me to be a helpful guest. I am overwhelmed by my new roommates generosity, and want to help as much as possible. This will help me to get out of negative thoughts and point toward doing things for her, as you suggested, Naive. Tonight, I'm going to stop on the way home and pick us up some dinner. If I play my cards right, I'll even be able to cook it. If you don't already know, I DON'T COOK! But I'm going to try this so I can help her. I'm hoping this turns out to be a big positive (Sarah learns how to cook a little?).
I'm toying with the idea of giving her some rent $'s. She had to order a new washer/dryer, so a few bucks might help. Whether I can make it to the end of the month financially, I don't know. But I"m going to take the chance.
All the way to Freedom, Naive right with you!
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