Can all these character flaws really be blamed on alcoholism
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Reading PA
Posts: 46
Can all these character flaws really be blamed on alcoholism
I still cannot understand how even an alcoholic cannot understand when there behavior is so bad even they have to realize it.
1. My fiancee has stuck me with his half of the cell phone bill he begged me
to put him on while he is using it to call other women while I am paying for it!!!
2. Takes the new women to the movies twice and in the three years we went out never took me to the movies even one time.
3. Right after we got done making love in a a motel room I paid for he called the other women.
4. Blames this all on me as I am "never around"--how can I be when he is going to the movies with the new women.
5. After I confronted the new women and told her he is engaged and never broke it off with me (advantage of paying cell phone bill--I could see the number) she broke it off with him and the same night he calls me begging me to get married this week?
6. Call up and apologizes to the other women? For what? He is engaged to me and she gets the dinner and movie dates.
7. He never shows up sober and all we do is go to bed. No movie dates for me.
However I guess I did learn after I broke up with this sorry excuse for a person--drinking or no drinking--if I ever get involved with anyone again I am not compromising my wishes as apparently this ends up with the other person--alcoholic or not having absolutely "ZERO" respect for you!!!
I am working with a counselor and glad I had my aha moment (believe it was the call to the other women as soon as I left the motel room right after we made love).
I apparrently have zero self respect for myself but will work on this before I even attempt another relationship.
1. My fiancee has stuck me with his half of the cell phone bill he begged me
to put him on while he is using it to call other women while I am paying for it!!!
2. Takes the new women to the movies twice and in the three years we went out never took me to the movies even one time.
3. Right after we got done making love in a a motel room I paid for he called the other women.
4. Blames this all on me as I am "never around"--how can I be when he is going to the movies with the new women.
5. After I confronted the new women and told her he is engaged and never broke it off with me (advantage of paying cell phone bill--I could see the number) she broke it off with him and the same night he calls me begging me to get married this week?
6. Call up and apologizes to the other women? For what? He is engaged to me and she gets the dinner and movie dates.
7. He never shows up sober and all we do is go to bed. No movie dates for me.
However I guess I did learn after I broke up with this sorry excuse for a person--drinking or no drinking--if I ever get involved with anyone again I am not compromising my wishes as apparently this ends up with the other person--alcoholic or not having absolutely "ZERO" respect for you!!!
I am working with a counselor and glad I had my aha moment (believe it was the call to the other women as soon as I left the motel room right after we made love).
I apparrently have zero self respect for myself but will work on this before I even attempt another relationship.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2007
Posts: 530
At least you are seeing the red flags and doing something about it before you were married. I had #1..I paid for his cel phone bill and he was calling OW! Wow! Where is my stupid sign?
Pat yourself on the back for dodging a huge bullet.
Pat yourself on the back for dodging a huge bullet.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Posts: 1,175
this is symptomatic of other things. alcoholism itself is symptomatic of other things. he is being an Ahole either way.
my A always puts his victim/martyr/normal facade out to catch women. there are always some hanging around waiting to buy his story
my A always puts his victim/martyr/normal facade out to catch women. there are always some hanging around waiting to buy his story
Heathen
Join Date: Mar 2009
Location: La La Land, USA
Posts: 2,567
The short answer to your question, no, probably not.
Drunk or sober, some people are just jerks. Some are just jerks that are also alcoholics. I think it's almost harmful to 'blame' everything on alcoholism and some idea of such 'character flaws', it excuses horrible actions and behaviors much too often.
I'm glad you're not in this relationship anymore, and i hope you're working on YOU
Drunk or sober, some people are just jerks. Some are just jerks that are also alcoholics. I think it's almost harmful to 'blame' everything on alcoholism and some idea of such 'character flaws', it excuses horrible actions and behaviors much too often.
I'm glad you're not in this relationship anymore, and i hope you're working on YOU
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Indiana
Posts: 32
When my exabf got back from a two year rehab program he apologized to me, and offered to make amends however he could, but then said that it "wasnt him doing all those things, it was his disease". This confuses me alot too......It makes me actually feel better at times, to think he wouldnt really hurt me, but I think its basically a cop out. While alcoholism may be a major contributor to him acting like this, hes still responsible for his actions, and I'm sure he has had plenty of opportunities to make the right choices. In the case of my exbf, I know he knows the difference between right and wrong, and what he needs to do to stay sober. Whether or not he chooses to make the right choices is his decision. I used to try and use "well hes an alcoholic" as an excuse for him alot, but now I guess I think it doesnt really matter why hes treating me bad, because no matter what hes still doing it.
Guest
Join Date: May 2008
Posts: 1,049
Just my opinion and as a recovered alcoholic myself, I never bought into the "disease theory".
I can't think of another "disease" that lands people in jail, causes people to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse others and more importantly, I can not think of a disease for which people can stop if and when they decide.
I just wonder when I read posts what the spouses were like before you married them. Sure, I agree that alcohol can play havoc in ones personal and professional life. I let my guard down so to speak often when I drank and said things, or did things that I may or may not have said otherwise. However, my moral fiber was still in tact I would say, maybe I was more brash and to the point and other times alcohol made me much more patient. I guess this is the long way of saying that alcohol doesn't have a life of it's own and blaming it on all behaviours is unjust not only to the person abusing alcohol as it provides excuses for them, but also to the spouse/family because they accept otherwise unacceptable treatment and an unhealthy lifestyle.
Happy to hear that you are working on yourself Bohn and getting help.
I can't think of another "disease" that lands people in jail, causes people to physically, mentally and emotionally abuse others and more importantly, I can not think of a disease for which people can stop if and when they decide.
I just wonder when I read posts what the spouses were like before you married them. Sure, I agree that alcohol can play havoc in ones personal and professional life. I let my guard down so to speak often when I drank and said things, or did things that I may or may not have said otherwise. However, my moral fiber was still in tact I would say, maybe I was more brash and to the point and other times alcohol made me much more patient. I guess this is the long way of saying that alcohol doesn't have a life of it's own and blaming it on all behaviours is unjust not only to the person abusing alcohol as it provides excuses for them, but also to the spouse/family because they accept otherwise unacceptable treatment and an unhealthy lifestyle.
Happy to hear that you are working on yourself Bohn and getting help.
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