i left yesterday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: portland, oregon
Posts: 59
i left yesterday
This is my first post to this site. I left my abf yesterday and am a complete mess. I still love him and this is hard but i know that if me leaving him doesnt make him see that he needs help nothing will. How did the rest of you that have left get through it? 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2009
Posts: 1,888
Welcome to SR!!
This is a great site for support. Others should be along shortly to share their experiences as well with you
I left my XABF at the end of July. I struggled for a while wondering if my leaving had the "right" effect on his behavior. I wondered if he would actually change and seek recovery. I wondered these things despite the futility of it, I know, but old habits die very hard.
You left your ABF for a reason probably multiple reasons. Keep those reasons fresh in your mind. Write them down where you can see them every day. I suspect he had more than one opportunity before now to get healthy and chose not to (I emphasize that he made his choice). Now you've made a healthy choice for yourself...BRAVO!!
You now have the opportunity to focus on the rest of your life and making it the best you possibly can without addiction in it.
Keep sharing. You are not alone in this process!!
Alice
This is a great site for support. Others should be along shortly to share their experiences as well with you
I left my XABF at the end of July. I struggled for a while wondering if my leaving had the "right" effect on his behavior. I wondered if he would actually change and seek recovery. I wondered these things despite the futility of it, I know, but old habits die very hard.
You left your ABF for a reason probably multiple reasons. Keep those reasons fresh in your mind. Write them down where you can see them every day. I suspect he had more than one opportunity before now to get healthy and chose not to (I emphasize that he made his choice). Now you've made a healthy choice for yourself...BRAVO!!
You now have the opportunity to focus on the rest of your life and making it the best you possibly can without addiction in it.
Keep sharing. You are not alone in this process!!
Alice
Member
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Quebec
Posts: 2,708
Hi Veracious and Welcome to SR! I'm glad you found this board. It hosts some of the most supportive and loving people I've known. Thanks to them, I was able to leave my alcoholic husband 3 weeks ago.
As for how I got through...I did it with the love and support of family, with posting on SR a lot, going to Al-anon meetings, focusing on myself and what I need, and trying to go as "no contact" as possible. My x and I have a child together, so it's not always possible to ignore him, but I'm working hard on not getting sucked into more useless conversations and manipulations.
Keep posting here, daily, hourly if you need. The support you'll find here is unparalleled.
As for how I got through...I did it with the love and support of family, with posting on SR a lot, going to Al-anon meetings, focusing on myself and what I need, and trying to go as "no contact" as possible. My x and I have a child together, so it's not always possible to ignore him, but I'm working hard on not getting sucked into more useless conversations and manipulations.
Keep posting here, daily, hourly if you need. The support you'll find here is unparalleled.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family!
I'm sorry you are hurting right now. It is very hard to walk away from a loved one. It is painful, but it is a healthy step in taking care of yourself.
I tried to help my alcoholic husband and almost lost myself in the process. I finally decided that my life was just as important as his. My happiness was just as important as his. My comfort was just as important as his. The only person I am responsible for is myself (and my minor children) The other adult in the relationship was responsible for his own happiness comfort and life.
You will find support and information here. Post your questions and concerns anytime.
Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug! One more from me too!
I'm sorry you are hurting right now. It is very hard to walk away from a loved one. It is painful, but it is a healthy step in taking care of yourself.
I tried to help my alcoholic husband and almost lost myself in the process. I finally decided that my life was just as important as his. My happiness was just as important as his. My comfort was just as important as his. The only person I am responsible for is myself (and my minor children) The other adult in the relationship was responsible for his own happiness comfort and life.
You will find support and information here. Post your questions and concerns anytime.
Wrap your arms around yourself and give yourself a hug! One more from me too!
JTinStLouis
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: St Louis, MO
Posts: 115
Hello and welcome to Sober Recovery.. I am glad you are here sharing. I will help and there are wonderful people here that will help you along the way. I understand how you feel I am a recovering alcoholic myself and I have put my loved ones through tough spots. It was not until I was asked to leave my house that it sunk in that maybe,,just maybe I needed help. Of course I did and I still do. You have to do what you need to do, it is very hard on you and everyone around you, as hard as this is you will find it is better and will continue to be, you will at least you will know what to expect even if it is hard....please hang in there and keep talking about it even if it is just here that really does help.
JT
JT
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