rae145

I have been married to my AH for almost 25 years and we are now living apart bc of our jobs. He got mad at me in Aug during a phone convo and didn't talk to me for 6 wonderful weeks. He is living in his hometown where all his friends are alcoholics too. Well, he's gotten mad again and told me that I need to read the Church Doctrine bc all women are suppose to follow their husband to where he is living. I told him I don't like to be around him when he's drinking and he said he hardly ever drinks. I said you're drunk every holiday (he's a teacher so it's not just for the one day that he is drunk) and all summer. His response was that I should just go somewhere for every holiday and summer so that he can continue to party! He doesn't even think this is odd or that his thought process is out of whack, not to mention Neanderthal. He had an attitude with me and we haven't spoken since. I'm sick of him wanting his cake and eating it too. I am no longer covering for him and have told my sisters about this. I wish I would have voiced myself years ago. He calls my firends bitches and a few years ago said that my sisters and I were the only women in the country that didn't cook their husband breakfast every morning.
Another thing, we used to live out in the country (close to his hometown) about 2 miles from 2 sisters that he went to high school with. On this particular sunny day he said to me, "Wow, do you smell that tanning oil? I bet Tina and Meryl are laying out". There is no way he could have smelled the Tropic tanning oil.
I feel better letting all of you know this too.

laurie6781

Welcome Rae. You have found a great place!!!!

Boy what a bunch of Alcoholic BS. Actually in the Bible it says: Woman is to follow man, and man is to follow God.

His actions certainly are showing that he is not following the directions.

I am glad you are away and safe. Maybe now would be a good time to work on you with one on one counseling and/or some Al-anon? Co-Dependent No More by Melodie Beattie is a great place to start. It is available at many bookstores including Amazon on line for a very reasonable price.

You will find that many of us here have used the above options and more to work on ourselves and learn how to set our boundaries and learn how not to 'engage' nor 'enable' the A in our lives.

It is a tough journey, but a very rewarding one.

Again, WELCOME.

Please keep posting and let us know how you are doing as we do care so much.

Love and hugs,

Buffalo66

I know its not funny, but I laughed at the stuff in your post. This sounds like my A. He is a terrible misogynist when he is drunk. He will say the most inane things. It can be funny, but not so much when it is your life.

I do not understand the suntan part at all, though...Why did he say that? who were the girls? Why did he think he s,melled tanning oil?

ItsmeAlice

Welcome Rae!

Keep posting and sharing For me, this place is a unique blend of support, tough love, a slap of reality, and that one thing I craved beyond anything...validation!

The power of someone saying they understood what I was going through because they really had actually been there and done that and often times repetitively, was something I could not find in my closest family and friends.

While every story is different, the themes are often the same.

I remember being home sick sick sick with the flu while my EX alcoholic boyfriend (XABF) was out. He came home fully wasted talking about a new neighbor of ours he had just met and how insanely hot she was. He went on for some time in great detail about her features while I, barely conscious, coughed and groaned and couldn't run away. Of course, when I started to cry, he got angry and shouted at me how selfish I was and how I never trusted him. Yada Yada.

Looking back on the incident, I cannot imagine what our neighbor must have thought of him...drunk and stumbling...ogling and drooling at her. I'm amazed she ever spoke him after that.

Again, the story may be different but the theme of drunken insensitivty and gaslighting is the same.

Keep reading hee, you will find more and more stories that are similar to your own and you will find strength in knowing there is a happy life out there for you without addiction in your life.

Best to you!

Alice

rae145

Yea, I do need to explain the suntan part better. He was in his late 40's when he said this. What's so pecuilar is that the sisters would also have been in their late 40's and there was no way in hell they would've been laying out-what with kids, jobs, husbands, tanning salons, maturation. This guy can't get it through his head that he's not in his 20s anymore, yet there he was sniffing the air like the dog he is- really believing he was smelling suntan oil from 2 miles across pasture! I mean so much so that he asks me if I smell the coconut oil. I guess when all you have left are glory days....

naive

i once witnessed a male deer swim 10 miles across dangerous, tidal current filled water because he got the sniff of a female deer.

intheknow

What an enlightening thread this was this morning!

Each and every post on here made me think...

the mom/son dynamics that I never understood...

the forever stuck in a better time of their life than right now...he contacted his first girlfriend via facebook earlier this year...

the need for female attention, no matter who it was...barmaid, young girl at the bar, anyone, besides me really...

the male deers insane need for female attention, risking life and limb...

AND I THOUGHT I WAS ALL ALONE HERE?!

atalose

Rae,

The positive here is that you are living apart from him, hopefully working on you and your wants and needs, building courage and strength to possible walk away from this unpleasant man and marriage.

It’s also positive you can see right through him and where his mind is at, no he’s not 20 anymore but certainly making every attempt to act it.

rae145

LOL
And he wasn't even fueled with alcohol!! Oops, I just remembered my AH wasn't partaking that day either. There's a thin line between drunk or sober with this guy