taking a break
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
taking a break
Hi, team.
I decided I had to get out out out for awhile. Go make some money. Step AWAY from the addict. So I drove to friends and family in another state. Tonight I went to an AlAnon mtg.
It was interesting to hear a newbie share and hear myself in him. So wrapped up in the alcoholic. Fixing. Living in hope. Etc. etc. (yep, that's me!!)
I am doing better recognizing self abuse and dishonesty is NOT OKAY WITH ME. That is an okay boundary to have and it doesn't make me a bad person.
I told my AH I was going away for awhile, in part due to our big conversation last week. He said, "the one where you attacked my character, were judgemental and hurtful and broke my heart?"
Uhh...yea. That one.
Well, just a reminder that there is NO talking about the drinking or lying with him. I have to accept that. There is NO talking about it. He will NOT go there. LET IT GO.
I have been feeling like me separating means the END of the relationship. A friend reminded me to 'take it a day at a time' and know it just means a separation. So, that is how I am comforting myself while I consider the idea.
I know I would need to go into it DECIDED because talking to him will just set me spinning. Thinking I am cruel, breaking my vows to love and support for eternity, being hurtful, unsupportive, making a big deal out of nothing, etc. etc. So, there can be none of that.
I am here through Thanksgiving. We'll see if he comes for the vacation.
That should be interesting.
Hugs to y'all.
I decided I had to get out out out for awhile. Go make some money. Step AWAY from the addict. So I drove to friends and family in another state. Tonight I went to an AlAnon mtg.
It was interesting to hear a newbie share and hear myself in him. So wrapped up in the alcoholic. Fixing. Living in hope. Etc. etc. (yep, that's me!!)
I am doing better recognizing self abuse and dishonesty is NOT OKAY WITH ME. That is an okay boundary to have and it doesn't make me a bad person.
I told my AH I was going away for awhile, in part due to our big conversation last week. He said, "the one where you attacked my character, were judgemental and hurtful and broke my heart?"
Uhh...yea. That one.
Well, just a reminder that there is NO talking about the drinking or lying with him. I have to accept that. There is NO talking about it. He will NOT go there. LET IT GO.
I have been feeling like me separating means the END of the relationship. A friend reminded me to 'take it a day at a time' and know it just means a separation. So, that is how I am comforting myself while I consider the idea.
I know I would need to go into it DECIDED because talking to him will just set me spinning. Thinking I am cruel, breaking my vows to love and support for eternity, being hurtful, unsupportive, making a big deal out of nothing, etc. etc. So, there can be none of that.
I am here through Thanksgiving. We'll see if he comes for the vacation.
That should be interesting.
Hugs to y'all.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
thanks, gypsy. so far its brought lots of uninterrupted time to watch Lost and tears and numbness. But the tears are cathartic. I really think so. If I was home I would be stuffing my upset so as not to "punish" him in an effort to be magnanimous. (ugh) So its nice to see things with some distance.
Hugs.
Hugs.
Only stepping forward
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I've always been guilty of procrastinating. Some things I can do and get done 100% right away and other things I just don't want to deal with and I'll put off as long as I can. And even today I answer a lot of "what happens now" with "I don't know". A lot of people think that's a bad thing too. To walk out of or even into a situation not having the faintest idea what your intentions are. But after leaving xabf I realized that "I don't know" doesn't have to be such a bad thing. I've heard it said millions of times on here.....it took years for me to get sick and I shouldn't expect to be healthy over night. It too can take years.
So what happens now?
When I wake up in the morning, I'm going to look in the mirror and smile at my madoosa hairdo. I'm going to get dressed and go to work. I'm going to give my all at my job. I'm going to come back home and make dinner, feed my family. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going to go to a meeting. I'm going to go to bed at a decent hour, sleep sound and dream happy dreams.
But what about xabf?
What about him?
With a clear head, decisions are always easier to make. My boss and I sat in his office yesterday for hours trying to come up with an answer on something. We brain stormed, google searched, called people for their thoughts. Oh it was an endless search and rant. We never did find what we were looking for. We both put it down and left to do other things. Driving around, not even thinking about what we were working on, an idea popped into my head. I called him, told him what I was thinking and he said "yeah, wow, that just might work!"
When I focus on myself to simply make it through my day, I can learn without thought what happens now.
So what happens now?
When I wake up in the morning, I'm going to look in the mirror and smile at my madoosa hairdo. I'm going to get dressed and go to work. I'm going to give my all at my job. I'm going to come back home and make dinner, feed my family. I'm going to take a shower. I'm going to go to a meeting. I'm going to go to bed at a decent hour, sleep sound and dream happy dreams.
But what about xabf?
What about him?
With a clear head, decisions are always easier to make. My boss and I sat in his office yesterday for hours trying to come up with an answer on something. We brain stormed, google searched, called people for their thoughts. Oh it was an endless search and rant. We never did find what we were looking for. We both put it down and left to do other things. Driving around, not even thinking about what we were working on, an idea popped into my head. I called him, told him what I was thinking and he said "yeah, wow, that just might work!"
When I focus on myself to simply make it through my day, I can learn without thought what happens now.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 277
wifeofadrinker..kudos to you. If I remember your story correctly -- you are really a quick study!!! I applaud you getting away...and making money is a good thing too. Then to top it off with a mtg - fantastic. You are working on yourself and that's awesome.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 902
Hi wife! Good to see you back. What helped me when I left was realizing that I could go back if I wanted. Forever gone and never speaking to him overwhelmed me, so just focus on what is best for you today.
P.s. I'm happy you picked up on the guilt trip manipulation. They really all read from the same textbook. It's sad, but you can have a better life for yourself than that. Hugs!
P.s. I'm happy you picked up on the guilt trip manipulation. They really all read from the same textbook. It's sad, but you can have a better life for yourself than that. Hugs!
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