He's sober for 3 months.Confused!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Vancouver, BC
Posts: 10
He's sober for 3 months.Confused!
I kicked my EXAH out of the house in May of this year. He went to another province. He had an order that he could not call me but he still did. I called his probation officier and put a stop to it. He didn't call his own daughter onher birthday in August. I found out that he was so drunk he was uncounscious. He has been sober since that day(from what he says). I guess that was his bottom. He got the divorce papers served September. When he got them he protested the divorce. He has been back since begining of October where we live. I have been working on him seeing the 2DD. He wanted to see them, then didn't, then did. He blammed me of course. He signed the house over to me and said he is fine with the divorce.He said he didn't want to fight me in court it would effect his sobriety. He thanked me for saving his life. He said we are even. He helped me 10 years ago( I am allegergic to some alcohol and I had a reaction and ended up in the hospital)and I saved him now. I couldn't believe he said this to me. I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. We had children and wanted a life together. All the stuff I put up with over the years...And were EVEN?
Finally last Sunday my dad took our daughters over to see EXAH. It went well. My dad said he has lost 40 lbs and dyed his hair blonde ( it is naturally black). When he doesn't drink he looses weight. I really didn't believe he was sober because Ive heard it all before. But to know that he actually is hurts me. The question of why he couldn't do it when he was with me. Denial was easier when he was in another province. I didn't have to face him. Now the realization that the divorce is going thru on December 2 and he's sober.
The loneliness I feel sometimes is extreme. After I put our 2 girls to bed I am alone. I have literally no social life because of no babysitter. I run once a week and sometimes go out to friends that have kids.
I read alot of books Co Dependent No More- I find helps. But the crying has not stopped since last night. I miss him and I still love him but the divorce will still go thru.
Finally last Sunday my dad took our daughters over to see EXAH. It went well. My dad said he has lost 40 lbs and dyed his hair blonde ( it is naturally black). When he doesn't drink he looses weight. I really didn't believe he was sober because Ive heard it all before. But to know that he actually is hurts me. The question of why he couldn't do it when he was with me. Denial was easier when he was in another province. I didn't have to face him. Now the realization that the divorce is going thru on December 2 and he's sober.
The loneliness I feel sometimes is extreme. After I put our 2 girls to bed I am alone. I have literally no social life because of no babysitter. I run once a week and sometimes go out to friends that have kids.
I read alot of books Co Dependent No More- I find helps. But the crying has not stopped since last night. I miss him and I still love him but the divorce will still go thru.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I'm sorry you are hurting and feeling alone.
I read over your posts from earlier when you were dealing with your husbands active alcoholism and drug use. You were glad to have him and his drama out of your life. You never wanted to put your children in that situation again. So you did what was best for you and your children. You had him leave and you filed for divorce. You did what you needed to do. You are a good mother!
You did not cause his addiction
You could not control his addiction
You could not cure his addiction.
My Alcoholic husband got sober after I served him with divorce papers. I went ahead with the divorce.
Why did I go ahead with the divorce? Because I am also a recovering alcoholic. I know how hard it is to work on my own recovery. I needed to keep my focus on my side of the street. My motivation for sobriety was for myself and my children. I wanted to be a better ME.
I was concerned that my husband was finally getting sober to try to prevent the divorce. I knew that financially and legally I could not be attached to him if he relapsed. I knew emotionally I could not handle a relapse. I was not strong enough in my own recovery to keep myself from feeling guilt if he failed. I needed to keep myself out of his recovery. I needed to let him own his recovery.
I hope that my recovering alcoholic exhusband will continue his recovery and sobriety. I hope that he will be an amazing father to our daughter. However, my reality is this: he is not there yet.
I take my life one day at a time. I focus on learning to love the one person who will be with me the rest of my life - myself.
Be kind to yourself. You are making a loving, safe environment for yourself and your children! (((hugs)))
I read over your posts from earlier when you were dealing with your husbands active alcoholism and drug use. You were glad to have him and his drama out of your life. You never wanted to put your children in that situation again. So you did what was best for you and your children. You had him leave and you filed for divorce. You did what you needed to do. You are a good mother!
You did not cause his addiction
You could not control his addiction
You could not cure his addiction.
My Alcoholic husband got sober after I served him with divorce papers. I went ahead with the divorce.
Why did I go ahead with the divorce? Because I am also a recovering alcoholic. I know how hard it is to work on my own recovery. I needed to keep my focus on my side of the street. My motivation for sobriety was for myself and my children. I wanted to be a better ME.
I was concerned that my husband was finally getting sober to try to prevent the divorce. I knew that financially and legally I could not be attached to him if he relapsed. I knew emotionally I could not handle a relapse. I was not strong enough in my own recovery to keep myself from feeling guilt if he failed. I needed to keep myself out of his recovery. I needed to let him own his recovery.
I hope that my recovering alcoholic exhusband will continue his recovery and sobriety. I hope that he will be an amazing father to our daughter. However, my reality is this: he is not there yet.
I take my life one day at a time. I focus on learning to love the one person who will be with me the rest of my life - myself.
Be kind to yourself. You are making a loving, safe environment for yourself and your children! (((hugs)))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: Boston
Posts: 2,936
hey hellokittyII--
It can be very lonely being a single parent. I cried many nights also. But that was nothing compared to the loneliness I felt while I was married. I think the loneliness of a dysfunctional marriage is the worst of all.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
B.
It can be very lonely being a single parent. I cried many nights also. But that was nothing compared to the loneliness I felt while I was married. I think the loneliness of a dysfunctional marriage is the worst of all.
((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))))
B.
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