Update
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Update
I haven’t posted here in awhile but wanted to come back and post a message to anyone here that is struggling with life after an alcoholic.
Some of you may remember me and for those that don’t – just a quick synopsis of my story: met a man that I THOUGHT was the love of my life, he was charming, full of wit, very very handsome and put me up on a pedestal almost instantly. It didn’t take long for him to show his true colors and fall into the regular patterns of an alcoholic (I won’t go into those, if you are here, you KNOW what they are) and knock me off of that pedestal. Besides causing me much turmoil in my life, he cheated on me…something I did NOT think he would ever do and it ripped my soul out of me! So after 2 years of living a life of total chaos (he was also a crackhead) I FINALLY got strong enough to kick him out of my life. As stupid as it sounds, I did not WANT to end the relationship but I knew that I HAD to for my own well being.
Anyways – it’s been almost a year and a half and as of today I have been OFF of my anti-depressants/anxiety pills for 3 weeks and I feel like a NEW woman! I am enjoying my life, I am excelling at work, I have a new man in my life that makes me wonder why in the world I allowed the behavior in my previous relationships (especially my last one!), I am enjoying the outdoors again and I’m just plain ol’ happy.
It has taken longer than I would have liked – but it is what it is. I no longer obsess over what the ex is doing….I don’t want to know. I am getting to the point that when I think of him I almost “shudder” at the thoughts of some of the things that I allowed in my life. To me, that is a HUGE step in recovery….you see, rather than get caught up in the “if onlys” I am seeing him for what he is…a broken, non-ethical, no morals alcoholic. I can not say with complete honesty that I have “forgiven” him, I still harbor anger/hurt/bitterness toward him but I can say that I am not constantly worrying/thinking/brewing over what was “done” to me.
I am getting back to what is important…..ME. I am as close to myself as I have been in awhile and I am getting back to living MY life for the only person that I should be living it for….ME.
I couldn’t have came this far without this place and I want to thank everyone here for sharing their stories and for giving me advice and for making me understand that I was ALLOWING an unhealthy relationship to take over my heart, my soul and my mind. It was hard to hear “what are YOU going to do about this – YOU are the one that is allowing this to happen in your life” – but once I really thought about it – everyone was right…I was the one that was allowing this craziness. However, once I finally realized that it was up to ME to put a stop to the madness – it was ON!! I did what I HAD to do and here I am….almost back to the old “lovtolaff” except this “lovtolaff” will be wiser and more aware of the people she allows in her life.
Peace and strength to everyone!!
Some of you may remember me and for those that don’t – just a quick synopsis of my story: met a man that I THOUGHT was the love of my life, he was charming, full of wit, very very handsome and put me up on a pedestal almost instantly. It didn’t take long for him to show his true colors and fall into the regular patterns of an alcoholic (I won’t go into those, if you are here, you KNOW what they are) and knock me off of that pedestal. Besides causing me much turmoil in my life, he cheated on me…something I did NOT think he would ever do and it ripped my soul out of me! So after 2 years of living a life of total chaos (he was also a crackhead) I FINALLY got strong enough to kick him out of my life. As stupid as it sounds, I did not WANT to end the relationship but I knew that I HAD to for my own well being.
Anyways – it’s been almost a year and a half and as of today I have been OFF of my anti-depressants/anxiety pills for 3 weeks and I feel like a NEW woman! I am enjoying my life, I am excelling at work, I have a new man in my life that makes me wonder why in the world I allowed the behavior in my previous relationships (especially my last one!), I am enjoying the outdoors again and I’m just plain ol’ happy.
It has taken longer than I would have liked – but it is what it is. I no longer obsess over what the ex is doing….I don’t want to know. I am getting to the point that when I think of him I almost “shudder” at the thoughts of some of the things that I allowed in my life. To me, that is a HUGE step in recovery….you see, rather than get caught up in the “if onlys” I am seeing him for what he is…a broken, non-ethical, no morals alcoholic. I can not say with complete honesty that I have “forgiven” him, I still harbor anger/hurt/bitterness toward him but I can say that I am not constantly worrying/thinking/brewing over what was “done” to me.
I am getting back to what is important…..ME. I am as close to myself as I have been in awhile and I am getting back to living MY life for the only person that I should be living it for….ME.
I couldn’t have came this far without this place and I want to thank everyone here for sharing their stories and for giving me advice and for making me understand that I was ALLOWING an unhealthy relationship to take over my heart, my soul and my mind. It was hard to hear “what are YOU going to do about this – YOU are the one that is allowing this to happen in your life” – but once I really thought about it – everyone was right…I was the one that was allowing this craziness. However, once I finally realized that it was up to ME to put a stop to the madness – it was ON!! I did what I HAD to do and here I am….almost back to the old “lovtolaff” except this “lovtolaff” will be wiser and more aware of the people she allows in her life.
Peace and strength to everyone!!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
That "shudder" (at what you permitted) was one of the signs for me that I was well on my road to recovery 
There is nothing stupid about this. If more people had the strength to do this, as you did, there would be a lot less unhappiness in the world. It took me a long time to get that, and a lot of suffering happened in the meantime.
Big hugs, lovetolaff. I remember you and I am so glad you checked in!
As stupid as it sounds, I did not WANT to end the relationship but I knew that I HAD to for my own well being.
Big hugs, lovetolaff. I remember you and I am so glad you checked in!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Lovely to hear how well you are doing in all the areas of your life, especially with your new man enriching, instead of destroying it.
Learning that the power is there inside us to take charge and change the direction we going in, can be scary and almost painful at first, but when we "get it", it is such a relief and so wonderful.
Living with hurt, and in someone elses chaos can have us almost convinced that we are deserving of what we get, and to find we are allowing this to be done to us, is not at first, good to hear or easy to accept. It certainly was not for me, and I fought that enlightment for a long while, getting sicker along the way.
Those who posted here with love, support and suggestions, got me off that treadmill and back on track as owner of my life, the star of my show and not just a bit player in my ABF's.
May it only get better for you and you "laff" happily forever.
God bless
Learning that the power is there inside us to take charge and change the direction we going in, can be scary and almost painful at first, but when we "get it", it is such a relief and so wonderful.
Living with hurt, and in someone elses chaos can have us almost convinced that we are deserving of what we get, and to find we are allowing this to be done to us, is not at first, good to hear or easy to accept. It certainly was not for me, and I fought that enlightment for a long while, getting sicker along the way.
Those who posted here with love, support and suggestions, got me off that treadmill and back on track as owner of my life, the star of my show and not just a bit player in my ABF's.
May it only get better for you and you "laff" happily forever.
God bless
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
Lovely to hear how well you are doing in all the areas of your life, especially with your new man enriching, instead of destroying it.
to find we are allowing this to be done to us, is not at first, good to hear or easy to accept. It certainly was not for me, and I fought that enlightment for a long while, getting sicker along the way.
Formerly known as soconfused11
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Colon, MI
Posts: 410
lovtolaff, after reading your post this morning I went back through and read a lot of your posts, and I can't believe the similarities in my situation and yours. My alcoholic bf's doc is meth though.
I asked him to leave a week ago Sunday night, and have gone no contact since Thursday (that's the last time he tried calling). The first couple of times he called last week, I said "no" to his request to "get together". I felt empowered, and know that I can't go back at this point. But now my sick mind is wonder why the heck he hasn't called all weekend, if he has already found someone, and how can he go about life like he is so happy and I am this emotional roller coaster with all this anger and bitterness. He, too, was very charming and always full of compliments...telling me how beautiful I was...he had that cocky attitude that drew me to him so much.
If/when he calls (the only time he hasn't is the time when he found another woman while we were on a break), I am afraid that if I answer, he will either make me feel bad or tell me he's happy and has someone else. Either way, it's just manipulation.
Your post today does give me hope, but a year and a half seems like such a long ways away, feeling the way I am right now. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed that he never really cared about me or loved me at all, just used me.
The urge to call him was very strong this morning, and although it is still there, it is not like it was.
I asked him to leave a week ago Sunday night, and have gone no contact since Thursday (that's the last time he tried calling). The first couple of times he called last week, I said "no" to his request to "get together". I felt empowered, and know that I can't go back at this point. But now my sick mind is wonder why the heck he hasn't called all weekend, if he has already found someone, and how can he go about life like he is so happy and I am this emotional roller coaster with all this anger and bitterness. He, too, was very charming and always full of compliments...telling me how beautiful I was...he had that cocky attitude that drew me to him so much.
If/when he calls (the only time he hasn't is the time when he found another woman while we were on a break), I am afraid that if I answer, he will either make me feel bad or tell me he's happy and has someone else. Either way, it's just manipulation.
Your post today does give me hope, but a year and a half seems like such a long ways away, feeling the way I am right now. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed that he never really cared about me or loved me at all, just used me.
The urge to call him was very strong this morning, and although it is still there, it is not like it was.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: uk
Posts: 124
Great post! I need to read posts like this to give me strength and hope. I am getting over the xabf too, though I never thought I would. The pain of leaving was excrutiating; but like you I knew I had to end it for my own sake. Hopefully, one day I will post similar to you! Good luck with your future.
Getting to my HAPPY PLACE!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2007
Location: Virginia
Posts: 298
The first couple of times he called last week, I said "no" to his request to "get together". I felt empowered, and know that I can't go back at this point. But now my sick mind is wonder why the heck he hasn't called all weekend, if he has already found someone, and how can he go about life like he is so happy and I am this emotional roller coaster with all this anger and bitterness. He, too, was very charming and always full of compliments...telling me how beautiful I was...he had that cocky attitude that drew me to him so much.
Your post today does give me hope, but a year and a half seems like such a long ways away, feeling the way I am right now. I am so hurt and feel so betrayed that he never really cared about me or loved me at all, just used me.
Please please please stay strong and let him go....you deserve more than you are getting and more than you will EVER get from him. I am living proof that you WILL survive and probably come out better in the end!!!
A jug fills drop by drop
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 6,784
Lovtolaff, its funny I am also more angry than sad, *****O!!!!!!
I also remember stuff and think "WTF was I thinking"
Then a girlfriend tells me about a jerk boyfriend of her and I think "WTF is she thinking?"
I agree with GL its a MUCH DIFFERENT feeling than before !!!!!!!!!!
I am soooooooooo glad you are starting to realize God sent you an angel, someone who supports your healing and progress. Thanks to the kicks in the butt of the great people here I too have enjoyed my relation WAY MORE than I did before.
Great people are scarce, we need to take care of the few humans around that care and have a kind heart and are our allies from Day #1.
I am still taking meds but I am planning to take Bach flowers again and see if I can make it without meds, too.
I am so glad to hear you are doing much better!!!
PS sodetermined, one year and a half is not so much time, and I would spend 2 years crying if needed, if they saved me from a lifetime of tears and deceit.
The only part of all this, that REALLY SUCKS, is to be with someone who treats you like dirt. The rest... mourning, is healing and learning and has so many prizes at the end and lessons all along. We won't be around forever you know?
I also remember stuff and think "WTF was I thinking"
Then a girlfriend tells me about a jerk boyfriend of her and I think "WTF is she thinking?"
I agree with GL its a MUCH DIFFERENT feeling than before !!!!!!!!!!
I am soooooooooo glad you are starting to realize God sent you an angel, someone who supports your healing and progress. Thanks to the kicks in the butt of the great people here I too have enjoyed my relation WAY MORE than I did before.
Great people are scarce, we need to take care of the few humans around that care and have a kind heart and are our allies from Day #1.
I am still taking meds but I am planning to take Bach flowers again and see if I can make it without meds, too.
I am so glad to hear you are doing much better!!!
PS sodetermined, one year and a half is not so much time, and I would spend 2 years crying if needed, if they saved me from a lifetime of tears and deceit.
The only part of all this, that REALLY SUCKS, is to be with someone who treats you like dirt. The rest... mourning, is healing and learning and has so many prizes at the end and lessons all along. We won't be around forever you know?
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