kermit

After all this time? He has nothing to do with my need to move, I'm totally stressed out...all I want to do is call him. Why after all this time do I feel like I need him? I have done so much since we first seperated, gone back to school, got a good job, not needing him once....but now that I'm going thru another rough patch I want to reach out to him...
I think it is because we have been talking more and he has told me that when he comes back to Ca his girlfriend is not comming with him..
Am I wishing for something that can never be?
Am I just lonely?
I need to get out to meetings.....have not been in a while. I have been so tired and busy that I sometimes even forget about going. I need people right now so I don't make that call and act like a bumb ass, needy and such..

Things are moving right along with the move..

One day at a time

Dee74

You're doing the right thing to talk to it Kermit - keep moving forward


D

Freedom1990

I find when I am at my most vulnerable, whether stressed or tired or navigating a rough spot, that is when the old codie tries to kick in. I start thinking I need a man in my life. Thank God I've finally learned not to act on the thoughts.

intheknow

Funny, I was just thinking the same thing last night. How nice it would be to just have a normal conversation right now with someone who just wanted to spend time with me. A conversation that is not about alcoholism or recovery. A conversation where someone isn't saying, "So what are you going to do?" I have gotten to the point where this forum is the only place I want to discuss those things.

I didn't call him.

I don't want to open that can of worms, where he has expectations of what I want. He has gotten into the habit of telling me it is a booty call when I call or text at un-expected hours. I know he is trying to be funny, but it is not what I want at all.

transformyself

Well that worked. He's gotcha hooked.

It helps me (when I"ve been talking to AH which is the first mistake) to play those fantasies all the way through. Realistically.
Because when I play that tape all the way through I realize:
I don't want to be with a man who had "a girlfriend," for five months of our marriage. Really. I look at that fact outside the context of denial and wanting to believe that everything will miraculously be ok. I pretend my sister were telling me this.

He has disrespected me more than any single human on the face of the earth. The list is long, Sister, and my wanting to do anything with him other than get away now and fast is not healthy.

The best thing I can do is refocus my efforts only myself, positively, and embrace my beautiful, imperfect life.

It's a new day.

kermit

You bet he hooked me... I will not however break down... not with him anyway.
I had to post last night bcause the urge was so strong.. Thanks for being here! Did not make a call.