sailorjohn

I dunno, myself, I would ignore my gut, but it generally resulted in a somewhat queasy feeling, which I also attempted to ignore, usually without success.

The most effective thing I did to prevent the queasiness was change my diet.

MissFixit

"Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me multiple times, I'm should forget about what they're doing, I think it's pretty obvious who has the problem here.

My story, with the caveat, I never did trust her, and it wasn't my issue.

My issue was being involved with someone that was untrustworthy." -- Sailor John

This is what I was trying to express.

Recently I went on my first date in years. He hide the fact that he had a girlfriend and when confronted continued to lie about it. I got over it, but this brief encounter was a HUGE example to me of the kind of thing that I would have once ignored or tried to look passed.

Another friend told me about his girlfriend and I chose to confront him and then stuck to my guns when he initally denied it. Years ago I might have just taken him at his word that there was a miscommunication. Not now. I was not argumentative just very pragmatic. The only reason I bothered asking him was to give him the opportunity to explain or apologize to me since we had been friends for 8 years. He skirted the topic and I immediately realized that if he had intended to apologize, he would have initiated the conversation or better yet, NOT LIED about the girlfriend to begin with...

Anyway as disappointed as I was in this situation, I got out of that relationship. No break up or fight. I just don't call or email him. He has made a couple overtures, but I don't respond. I actually really like him as a friend, but I know that I cannot trust him. Therefore, I keep my distance. No more relationships with people who are untrustworthy.

intheknow

Quote:

"Fool me once, shame on you.

Fool me twice, shame on me.

Fool me multiple times, I'm should forget about what they're doing, I think it's pretty obvious who has the problem here.

Talk about crap falling from the sky and hitting me over the top of the head. Here's your sign. Duh.

Thanks for putting it in writing.

sailorjohn

Yeah, it's tough to admit, we focus so much on the alcoholic/addict, and completely ignore the fact "What the hell am I doing here?"

heavenlyone

I'm kind of asking if it's reasonable to say to AH "I don't trust you"
And then for him to do nothing about it.
From my point of view, if I loved someone, and they didn't trust me, I would move mountains to make them trust me again.
But we are not talking about me here, we are talking about an addict, an alcoholic.
So, I'm pretty sure it's my issue because he believes he has no issues
Which means everything is my issue and nothing is his issue in the relationship until I get out of it.
I think a sober person would want to work on it if they wanted the relationship to last....or at least talk about it.

It just suprises me the total lack of empathy, compassion and caring he has about my feelings.
I know...he's alcoholic, I know....but it's just sick
These people don't deserve relationships

sailorjohn

Yes, a reasonable person would, but as you said below....

And by definition, addicts/alcoholics are untrustworthy.

Precisely.

A healthy person would. Of course they would.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ddicts-do.html

It's a mental illness, sick people do sick things, dogs bark, cats meow.

I think like everyone else, they get the kinds of relationships they deserve-the relationships they choose. These 'people' are our sons, daughters, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers, our loved ones. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, and I believe they deserve our love and compassion. Hard at first, very hard if you're coming from a place where you've suffered a lot of pain, but healing for you.