The stranger in MY house
Learning to love life...
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: British Columbia, Canada
Posts: 529
The stranger in MY house
HI guys,
Just wanted to check in I suppose...
I am completely exhausted tonight - it's only 7:30pm, and I can't wait to get the kids in bed
A strange feeling has come over me in recent days, and I don't like it one bit.
There is a stranger living in my house...
For the most part, I like this man. He does his fair share of the chores around the house, and looks after the kids when needed. He is totally responsible (which actually drives me crazy
because this is a NEW development). He has listened to me whine and sniffle about how I don't get paid attention to - and in response has begun to TRY to "tune in" to my needs... what a sweetie. He is just about 5 months sober, and still working his program. So, I have nothing to really "complain" about... and THAT is difficult for me.
I find that suddenly MY little faults and bad habits are up for discussion... they used to be pushed under the rug and totally outdone by G's Drinking and Drugging. Suddenly, I spend too much on clothes (its true tho), too much on stuff for the kids, on special coffee's and treats, too much on needless things for the house. I admit to all of these things... but Hello!! I have been overspending for over 5 years! Why NOW is it a problem?! Ha ha ha... I have to laugh at myself - that I STILL think it's rational thinking.
Also, I am the queen of "homebodies"... I am not comfortable getting out and meeting new friends, socializing - it's always been hard for me; yet I AM a great and fun person (sometimes you have to DIG me out of my shell cuz I like to super-glue it shut). Suddenly THIS is an issue. G tries to set up "play-dates" for me with his buddies wives... I think its cute that he TRIES so hard. HE is a social butterfly, I am NOT - it drives HIM crazy. I think a huge part of it is that he knows I have issues with self-confidence... he tries to "fix" me
AND...
Last but not least... I am having intimacy issues again. I married my best friend; There are so many things about him that are attractive (ESPECIALLY recently) - his generousity, his sense of humour, his wonderful "daddy" ways, his determination, his sensitivity. However, I have a hard time seeing the physical attraction that used to exist. He is a big guy, has gained a lot of weight, has bad eating habits, can be very rude... and is not exactly Brad Pitt anymore.
Now before you all get on my case about this one... you have to understand that I love him no matter what he looks like. I think that the fact that he just doesn't CARE about how he looks is what is so frustrating; its one thing to change with time, its another thing to get comfortable being a "slob"...
Oh goodness...
I MUST be losin it LOL
Thanks for listening guys
Take care
Meg
Just wanted to check in I suppose...
I am completely exhausted tonight - it's only 7:30pm, and I can't wait to get the kids in bed
A strange feeling has come over me in recent days, and I don't like it one bit.
There is a stranger living in my house...
For the most part, I like this man. He does his fair share of the chores around the house, and looks after the kids when needed. He is totally responsible (which actually drives me crazy
because this is a NEW development). He has listened to me whine and sniffle about how I don't get paid attention to - and in response has begun to TRY to "tune in" to my needs... what a sweetie. He is just about 5 months sober, and still working his program. So, I have nothing to really "complain" about... and THAT is difficult for me.I find that suddenly MY little faults and bad habits are up for discussion... they used to be pushed under the rug and totally outdone by G's Drinking and Drugging. Suddenly, I spend too much on clothes (its true tho), too much on stuff for the kids, on special coffee's and treats, too much on needless things for the house. I admit to all of these things... but Hello!! I have been overspending for over 5 years! Why NOW is it a problem?! Ha ha ha... I have to laugh at myself - that I STILL think it's rational thinking.
Also, I am the queen of "homebodies"... I am not comfortable getting out and meeting new friends, socializing - it's always been hard for me; yet I AM a great and fun person (sometimes you have to DIG me out of my shell cuz I like to super-glue it shut). Suddenly THIS is an issue. G tries to set up "play-dates" for me with his buddies wives... I think its cute that he TRIES so hard. HE is a social butterfly, I am NOT - it drives HIM crazy. I think a huge part of it is that he knows I have issues with self-confidence... he tries to "fix" me
AND...
Last but not least... I am having intimacy issues again. I married my best friend; There are so many things about him that are attractive (ESPECIALLY recently) - his generousity, his sense of humour, his wonderful "daddy" ways, his determination, his sensitivity. However, I have a hard time seeing the physical attraction that used to exist. He is a big guy, has gained a lot of weight, has bad eating habits, can be very rude... and is not exactly Brad Pitt anymore.
Now before you all get on my case about this one... you have to understand that I love him no matter what he looks like. I think that the fact that he just doesn't CARE about how he looks is what is so frustrating; its one thing to change with time, its another thing to get comfortable being a "slob"...
Oh goodness...
I MUST be losin it LOL
Thanks for listening guys
Take care
Meg
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
That is also a fear of mine- that if he ever does get sober (which is unlikely) MY faults will come out more. Since he does nothing around the house, I only do what I feel like. If the laundry is not put away, oh well!!!
Keep strong and work on yourself!!!!
Keep strong and work on yourself!!!!
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
Hey Meg!
Well, I don't think I have to worry about my faults coming our if mine gets sober, because he points them out daily already!! It is hard to face what we already know about ourselves.....but it does make us grow.
The intimacy thing has been an on again off again problem for me over the years....usually stemming from drinking. While mine was sober this summer he decided to loose weight too.....he has stuck with that and dropped about 20 lbs.
Maybe excercise is someting y'all could do together! Walk the neighborhood in the evenings. You could suggest it.......ooops there I go again trying to fix and control. When will I ever learn!!! Just a suggestion Meg.
Hang in there girl...you have come so far and I know that you will find your way through this too.
Blessings,
Constant
Well, I don't think I have to worry about my faults coming our if mine gets sober, because he points them out daily already!! It is hard to face what we already know about ourselves.....but it does make us grow.
The intimacy thing has been an on again off again problem for me over the years....usually stemming from drinking. While mine was sober this summer he decided to loose weight too.....he has stuck with that and dropped about 20 lbs.
Maybe excercise is someting y'all could do together! Walk the neighborhood in the evenings. You could suggest it.......ooops there I go again trying to fix and control. When will I ever learn!!! Just a suggestion Meg.
Hang in there girl...you have come so far and I know that you will find your way through this too.
Blessings,
Constant
Member
Join Date: Apr 2003
Location: where I need to be
Posts: 157
Hi Meg,
Just read your post and felt compelled to throw in my 2 cents. Since my husband has been sober....7 months now......he has been working super hard to *win* me back. We remain separated, but are spending more time together, as a family and we've even been on a couple of dates together. While our emotional and spiritual intimacy has been growing, there are still problems with the physical intimacy. And it's not a physical thing for me. I still find him very attractive.....he's in great shape, very fit, a smile that melts my heart, blah, blah, blah, oh, I forgot...he even still has a full head of hair and he's pushing 50!
I know he wants more physical closeness and I can tell that he's getting frustrated. Thing is, my walls remain up and guarded. For me, it's fear. Fear of being hurt again. Before he hit bottom and sought out true recovery, he was manipulative, controlling and selfish in every aspect of our lives, including sex. (can I say that here?) I'm just not ready for that yet. I think I'm afraid, for some strange reason, that I'll lose some progess of my own healing and recovery. I'm afraid of, once again, losing my identity.
I don't know if this is an issue for you or not, but I just thought I'd share my current situation.
Take care,
S
Just read your post and felt compelled to throw in my 2 cents. Since my husband has been sober....7 months now......he has been working super hard to *win* me back. We remain separated, but are spending more time together, as a family and we've even been on a couple of dates together. While our emotional and spiritual intimacy has been growing, there are still problems with the physical intimacy. And it's not a physical thing for me. I still find him very attractive.....he's in great shape, very fit, a smile that melts my heart, blah, blah, blah, oh, I forgot...he even still has a full head of hair and he's pushing 50!
I know he wants more physical closeness and I can tell that he's getting frustrated. Thing is, my walls remain up and guarded. For me, it's fear. Fear of being hurt again. Before he hit bottom and sought out true recovery, he was manipulative, controlling and selfish in every aspect of our lives, including sex. (can I say that here?) I'm just not ready for that yet. I think I'm afraid, for some strange reason, that I'll lose some progess of my own healing and recovery. I'm afraid of, once again, losing my identity.
I don't know if this is an issue for you or not, but I just thought I'd share my current situation.
Take care,
S
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