veryregretful

Last night my 14 year old children had dinner with their dad. He hasn't been home for 3 weeks because of his verbal abuse to all of us and I told him either drink and leave or get sober and stay. He made his choice of course to drink.

Anyways, I thought it was a good idea for the kids to tell their dad how they felt. My son has been really angry for a week and my daughter has been sad. I prepared the kids before hand by saying it'll make you feel better when you tell him how you feel, He may say he will continue to drink, he may bad mouth me, etc. I didn't want the kids to set themselves up for more disappointment if he told them he wasn't going to quit. I also didn't want this to go on for more weeks, kids wondering if he was coming home. Being in limbo.

To try and make a long story short, they had dinner. My daughter, very outspoken said to him I don't want you here if you continue to drink or if you get sober and drink again because I can't handle the hurt again. Not sure what my son said. probably basically the same thing. My husband said it's okay for you mom to drink and pop pills but I can't. Well, first of all I drink once in a great while and I usually only have one, two tops for drinks. I have spine problems so I'll take a pill once in awhile so I can do laundry, housework when I'm really hurting. Oh yeah, and I take klonopin to try to sleep at night because of all the anxiety. I need to sleep. That helps. I haven't slept good since I can't remember when.

He straight out told the kids he deserves to drink and that he isn't quitting. When I saw my kids when they came home it seemed my son wasn't angry as much and I could tell by my daughter's face what was said. I tried to talk with them last night but backed off when I could tell she was upset and snapping at me. She needed her time. I spoke with my son and he said he's glad he went and knows what to expect.

I'm glad it came from the horse's mouth not mine. The kids knew ahead of time what I was going to do and they agreed with me. They couldn't deal with the verbal abuse anymore either. They are 14 and impressionable. I thought it would be more detrimental for him to stay than leave for the kids and their social lives and school. They are great kids and don't want them to think it's acceptable to talk to people inappropriately or to think it's okay to be talked to like that and want them to make an educated choice about drinking and doing drugs. Hopefully their dad set a bad example so they won't follow in his footstelps with drinking and smoking pot.

I'm glad he told them because I was feeling like the bad guy explaining the situation. There is no bad guy here. Just a guy with a disease in denial. But can't live with us anymore.

From here, don't know what to do. I'm not angry yet. Still waiting for that. Just want to be civil and don't want the kids having to take sides. I have not said bad things about thier dad except for of course his drinking. My AH is vindictive so I'm worried that he will say something to the kids about me. Well I really shouldn't worry because the kids know me and know that I will always be there no matter what.

Thanks for reading. I tend to get wordy. I hope you all don't mind. I haven't yet read from my first post to now but I will soon to see how much/if I progressed and how my thought process changed.

Have a great day!!!!!