Pre-worrying about him forgetting my birthday
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2008
Posts: 36
Pre-worrying about him forgetting my birthday
I've got a bad case of what my H calls "pre-worrying."
My birthday is coming up this weekend - last year he forgot it, which was particularly crushing, as I had just found out a month earlier about some infidelities on his part - I felt horrible. He had never forgotten my birthday before.
Anyway, I am trying to be proactive this year - I have made plans for my birthday (treating myself to an art class) just in case he forgets again. What else can I do to handle this in a mature way? I know I will be devastated if he forgets again. This has been a very very hard year for our marriage.
Is this something I should set boundaries/consequences for? What should I do if he forgets again?
My birthday is coming up this weekend - last year he forgot it, which was particularly crushing, as I had just found out a month earlier about some infidelities on his part - I felt horrible. He had never forgotten my birthday before.
Anyway, I am trying to be proactive this year - I have made plans for my birthday (treating myself to an art class) just in case he forgets again. What else can I do to handle this in a mature way? I know I will be devastated if he forgets again. This has been a very very hard year for our marriage.
Is this something I should set boundaries/consequences for? What should I do if he forgets again?
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Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: rural west
Posts: 1,375
Hi, sweetheart.
Just another human with my suffering, feeling for you.
I would say it appears (given his previous behavior) you might consider stopping expecting him to remember.
Ask yourself:
How do you feel about that?
Is that okay with you?
What does that mean?
What do you want to do about you feelings about that?
You cannot change him/fix him/improve him with your boundaries, regardless of how desperately you may want to (and believe me I have tried!).
Who he is is who he is is who he is.
He may be the husband that forgets your birthday.
Decide for you what that means.
Meanwhile, your boundaries are for you.
You can totally say:
A) I deserve to be in a relationship with a partner that remembers my birthday.
B) If my partner forgets my birthday, I will...(whatever you feel is appropriate for you to do that will take care of you).
Or you could remind him its your birthday.
What is best for you?
Can you just enjoy your birthday and detach from him about it? (Good for you for your art class!!)
Maybe you can. Maybe you can't. If it is VERY important to you, and apparently not to him, what does that mean?
Journal on it.
Continue to take care 'yoself.
Hugs.
(Happy birthday in advance)
Just another human with my suffering, feeling for you.
I would say it appears (given his previous behavior) you might consider stopping expecting him to remember.
Ask yourself:
How do you feel about that?
Is that okay with you?
What does that mean?
What do you want to do about you feelings about that?
You cannot change him/fix him/improve him with your boundaries, regardless of how desperately you may want to (and believe me I have tried!).
Who he is is who he is is who he is.
He may be the husband that forgets your birthday.
Decide for you what that means.
Meanwhile, your boundaries are for you.
You can totally say:
A) I deserve to be in a relationship with a partner that remembers my birthday.
B) If my partner forgets my birthday, I will...(whatever you feel is appropriate for you to do that will take care of you).
Or you could remind him its your birthday.
What is best for you?
Can you just enjoy your birthday and detach from him about it? (Good for you for your art class!!)
Maybe you can. Maybe you can't. If it is VERY important to you, and apparently not to him, what does that mean?
Journal on it.
Continue to take care 'yoself.
Hugs.
(Happy birthday in advance)
Member
Join Date: Jul 2007
Location: ashamed ville
Posts: 311
Just a quick response. My AH almost always forgot my birthday, valentine's day and anniversary. When he kept forgetting after awhile I would just forget his also. I know two wrongs don't make a right but I was tired of doing for him on those special days and I got nothing in return.
Try and enjoy your day and do what YOU want. Afterall it's your day. Take care!
Try and enjoy your day and do what YOU want. Afterall it's your day. Take care!
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