Ironic post about advice
 

Hi,

How do I stop people from giving me advice? So many opinions about how I am living my life and what I should/could do. How do I say, please stop this...

Thanks

Well, you could just say, thanks but I'm not taking suggestions at this time. I will put up a suggestion box when I feel your imput is required. :c031:

Okay, that was flippant, but I've had certain people give unsolicited advice and I usually just roll my eyes and walk away from them. I guess it depends on who is giving the advice and whether it's truly out of concern or just someone being nosey. The nosey folks would get something like what I first posted. The truly concerned would get more courtesy, but the underlying message would be pretty much the same.

I wish I could help with that one. I have pretty much quit talking
to my mom and sister because all they want to talk about is what
my alcoholic should be doing and what I should be doing etc. They
don't live here, one is three hours away and the other an hour and
a half away and they are not here on a day to day basis to see
what is going on. If you figure it out I would like to know too.

I usually just say "Thanks for your suggestions, I take it under consideration." That usually ends the conversation. :)

L

Thanks. I have said that I have everything under control. This doesn't stop them, so I don't answer calls. I do return calls in time just to not be rude. Then, the inevitable, so blah blah blah. Why don't you do this... comes out. Or, what are you doing about this situation. These people care, but it is driving me away from them.

I have told them how much happier I am now, but my life is far from where it was going a year ago. They know this and I think want to steer me back to the "normal/appropriate" life I had. I also feel them keeping me at a distance too where once they would not have. This I believe is in part due to me not being where "they" think I should be.

I have not returned a family member's call in a while due to this exact thing...I feel tremendous guilt for that.

I told everyone when going through the break up that I would get there, wherever that was, in my own time. I told them I appreciated their thoughts, but I had to figure things out alone. Most respected that. Some did not, so I kept my distance without guilt. Your life, your choice. Tell them once and leave it at that.

Would you be comfortable setting a boundary with them? I had to do this while separating from my husband, with my mom, my dad, my brother and one long distance friend. What I said was:

"I am doing the best I can to make decisions for myself and my children. I appreciate that you care, but it is not helpful for me when you tell me what to do. If you can't refrain from bombarding me with suggestions I'm going to need to take a break from talking with your for a while. I love you and value our relationship."

It worked, to an extent. My dad doesn't really listen to anyone, so I just end up tuning him out completely.

It also depends on the source for me. I have told people that this is a process and I am right in the middle of it-which includes making sure I am doing what I need to do and the only one who can do that is me.

Sometimes it helps, sometimes it does not. But I have found people are more just checking in now to see if I am OK, as opposed to giving unsolicited advice.

I do try to remember that I am a frequent offender of giving unsolicited advice myself and this sometimes helps to give me patience when dealing with others who do the same.

I agree with the posters above that thanking them quickly and moving on to another subject or away from the conversation has been helpful to me.

If they call just to give advice or tell you how to live your life, then boundaries are in order.

Alice

Hey Miss! how is my life clone doing?

I saw some friends I hadn't seen in 8 months more or less, well they don't like me anymore... they say I'm hostile and bitter...so I recalled what you mentioned Miss, about people that don't like you anymore because you are no longer "making it all appear ok" and saying everything is wonderful and smiling and totally excited about THEIR plans.

I do not know if this happens to you but lately I got less patience with others, if I see one instance of something I don't like I can let it pass just as others do with me I suppose, but if it is a frequent trend I try not to see them anymore or not see them as often.

I do not have a nosey friend but she only talks about herself, I got tired of the monologue. Perhaps there are new friends to be made?

Thanks.

I am doing well. Marvin and I had a nice halloween weekend. I visited a new church that I didn't like, but it was a new experience. Ran into a old friend of my ex, who said he was glad that I moved back to town and he and his family hoped to see me around. That was surprising and nice. Didn't mention my ex at all. I could tell by his initial pity smile that he was waiting for me to...didn't though, just talked about school and moving back to town. All positives for me. Have been taking Marvin to the park to meet other dogs and we have made park friends.

My friendsand family keep thinking that I should be dating, socializing, networking and aggressively pursuing my career. Since I keep to myself and live pretty simply, this contradicts their expectations of me. I am certainly not where I want to be, but I am definitely NOT where I was... Life is peaceful right now and I have the time to be strategic and thoughtful about what I am doing.

Also, personally I am getting to the bottom of what the hell has gone wrong in my relationships. Why I choose whom I did and what I can and am trying to change in me. These things are highly personal and although I am fine to speak about them, I don't think most people have the time to work on this kind of stuff...peace with mind, body and soul... Maybe I am weird?

I always get unsolicited advice when I'm doing okay and when I could reeeally use some input from someone...they never have anything to share! What's up with that.....?

Oh! Something else I just thought of...

I seem to now be incapable of having shallow and non-substantive conversations. Not that everything has to be so heavy, but the idle chit chat, BS and gossip repel me. If the topic ain't interesting, I ain't interested...However pop culture and People Magazine headlines are my weaknesses. That garbage I could talk for hours about!

Your life and mine sound very similar at the moment, right down to the dog park with Mc'Duff" His friends call him Duffy.

I think it's a GREAT place to be MissF, I'm loving this time. How many people have the luxury of working on peace of mind, body and soul.