He's baaaaack
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
He's baaaaack
I finally got sick of STBXAH coming here for visitation and told my attorney--but he still does not think the order applies to him. We've already had one contempt motion. Today I called him, yet again, to let him know we needed to make a decision about custody and placement and he went back to can't we just do an informal agreement. I told him no since he barely takes the visitation he is given.
Then he started talking about how much the kids will need him once the house is sold and I move to a different neighborhood and our older son has to change schools, started railing on me about changing preschool for our younger son. Our house is not even sold yet so I don't know where I will be living but started looking where I used to live (in working class neighborhoods). Then he told me wherever I live, he is going to find a place near my house so he can stop in and see the kids whenever he wants and maybe even bring them over to his house to spend the night during the week. I said, no, not a good idea for them to be bouncing all over and went back to the you can't use what little visitation you have now.
I promptly called my attorney and told him that although it will prolong the finalization of the divorce he should send a letter to family counseling because AH is not cooperating. I think this pissed AH off--I am assuming because he now knows that everyone will finally find out about his alcohol and drug use and about his verbal abuse, threats of physical abuse and sometime physical abuse.
I decided to go to the movies tonight because I needed a break--got home, kids are still up and one has to take another WKSE test tomorrow. AH is getting all pissy because I am putting the kids to bed (he had fallen asleep on the couch). On the way home I got a text from a friend thatAH is crying on his 1st ex-wife's shoulder or seeking her advice. I almost blew a gasket but decided not to let him drag me into his mess. After he walked out the door older DS told me daddy was saying the therapy I am taking him and younger DS to is useless and a waste of money (I am assuming because AH got mad because the kids were not behaving). That did make me angry so I had the kids go play and walked out to his car and told him to please not say that to the kids. They are doing great and him saying that will make them believe they will never get better. He of course denied it. I also told him he should be a bit more careful about who he trashes me in front of because it is getting back to me. Denial again.
I ended it telling him not to interfere in the kid’s therapy and went back in the house to get the kids ready for bed. I'm putting younger DS to bed and I hear the key in the door and he comes storming in telling me that the therapy is useless and a waste of time and money (he does not go nor does he pay for it so not sure why he is concerned). Then he tells me the therapist just hates men and cannot keep a man herself and does not know how to love anyone. This is a 60 something year old woman who has adopted 6 kids with emotional problems and gotten them about as healthy as she can. I pointed out that her husband had died and also that he has always been free to come to any and all of the therapy appointments but that he has always been busy. Then he started to get that look in his eye (the violent I am going to smack you look) and started ranting about me being crazy. I was at the top of the steps (fortunately the dog gate was up) and just pointed toward the door and told him to leave-that he was not even supposed to be there to begin with. I think he knew the next step was me calling the police because he did leave.
I have to say, it scared me and after he left I went around and made sure all doors were as locked as they could be and the child safety locks were on the doors so if he does use his key he cannot get in the door. Once again, I will be sleeping with my cell phone next to my bed. The kids of course got out of bed and saw him (and that he was just like he was the day I grabbed them and ran out of the house and went to a hotel). I am going to have to talk to my lawyer again to see if I can get dead bolts put on the door that only I have the key to so that if it is not M-F from 9-5 he cannot get into the house. I pray the tax credit is extended and also extended to current homeowners who are looking to buy a house. Then our house might sell and I can get into something in a neighborhood that is far away from anything he can afford. I told my real estate agent to get me the least expensive house in the most expensive neighborhood she could find. So, I thought everything would be over in December but now it looks like it will not be until this summer, especially if they appoint a guardian ad litem-which they may do once the alcohol and drug abuse comes up (finally) along with the verbal and physical abuse. Also, my lawyer is FINALLY going to file a seek work order as AH has only worked very part-time for the last 3 years. He is a very educated person--has a Masters Degree--so it is not like he does not have the intelligence to get a job--he just prefers to be supported.
The gloves are off. I am tired of him messing with the kids. I am proud of how far my older son has come in 2 years time with therapy. And I was also happy to hear him say after his dad left that he is happy he is going to see the therapist because she is teaching him how to not turn his sad into mad and also is teaching him that he can trust me--and that he is finally starting to believe it and he knows I will keep him safe so his dad will not hurt him. I hate this--I feel like a hostage in my own house!
Then he started talking about how much the kids will need him once the house is sold and I move to a different neighborhood and our older son has to change schools, started railing on me about changing preschool for our younger son. Our house is not even sold yet so I don't know where I will be living but started looking where I used to live (in working class neighborhoods). Then he told me wherever I live, he is going to find a place near my house so he can stop in and see the kids whenever he wants and maybe even bring them over to his house to spend the night during the week. I said, no, not a good idea for them to be bouncing all over and went back to the you can't use what little visitation you have now.
I promptly called my attorney and told him that although it will prolong the finalization of the divorce he should send a letter to family counseling because AH is not cooperating. I think this pissed AH off--I am assuming because he now knows that everyone will finally find out about his alcohol and drug use and about his verbal abuse, threats of physical abuse and sometime physical abuse.
I decided to go to the movies tonight because I needed a break--got home, kids are still up and one has to take another WKSE test tomorrow. AH is getting all pissy because I am putting the kids to bed (he had fallen asleep on the couch). On the way home I got a text from a friend thatAH is crying on his 1st ex-wife's shoulder or seeking her advice. I almost blew a gasket but decided not to let him drag me into his mess. After he walked out the door older DS told me daddy was saying the therapy I am taking him and younger DS to is useless and a waste of money (I am assuming because AH got mad because the kids were not behaving). That did make me angry so I had the kids go play and walked out to his car and told him to please not say that to the kids. They are doing great and him saying that will make them believe they will never get better. He of course denied it. I also told him he should be a bit more careful about who he trashes me in front of because it is getting back to me. Denial again.
I ended it telling him not to interfere in the kid’s therapy and went back in the house to get the kids ready for bed. I'm putting younger DS to bed and I hear the key in the door and he comes storming in telling me that the therapy is useless and a waste of time and money (he does not go nor does he pay for it so not sure why he is concerned). Then he tells me the therapist just hates men and cannot keep a man herself and does not know how to love anyone. This is a 60 something year old woman who has adopted 6 kids with emotional problems and gotten them about as healthy as she can. I pointed out that her husband had died and also that he has always been free to come to any and all of the therapy appointments but that he has always been busy. Then he started to get that look in his eye (the violent I am going to smack you look) and started ranting about me being crazy. I was at the top of the steps (fortunately the dog gate was up) and just pointed toward the door and told him to leave-that he was not even supposed to be there to begin with. I think he knew the next step was me calling the police because he did leave.
I have to say, it scared me and after he left I went around and made sure all doors were as locked as they could be and the child safety locks were on the doors so if he does use his key he cannot get in the door. Once again, I will be sleeping with my cell phone next to my bed. The kids of course got out of bed and saw him (and that he was just like he was the day I grabbed them and ran out of the house and went to a hotel). I am going to have to talk to my lawyer again to see if I can get dead bolts put on the door that only I have the key to so that if it is not M-F from 9-5 he cannot get into the house. I pray the tax credit is extended and also extended to current homeowners who are looking to buy a house. Then our house might sell and I can get into something in a neighborhood that is far away from anything he can afford. I told my real estate agent to get me the least expensive house in the most expensive neighborhood she could find. So, I thought everything would be over in December but now it looks like it will not be until this summer, especially if they appoint a guardian ad litem-which they may do once the alcohol and drug abuse comes up (finally) along with the verbal and physical abuse. Also, my lawyer is FINALLY going to file a seek work order as AH has only worked very part-time for the last 3 years. He is a very educated person--has a Masters Degree--so it is not like he does not have the intelligence to get a job--he just prefers to be supported.
The gloves are off. I am tired of him messing with the kids. I am proud of how far my older son has come in 2 years time with therapy. And I was also happy to hear him say after his dad left that he is happy he is going to see the therapist because she is teaching him how to not turn his sad into mad and also is teaching him that he can trust me--and that he is finally starting to believe it and he knows I will keep him safe so his dad will not hurt him. I hate this--I feel like a hostage in my own house!
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Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
Oh Wife, how wonderfully you have handled his quacking and stinking thinking, and what an example of strength to your kids.
Of course AH hates therapy for him and kids, and is knocking the therapist as well, as he can't hide from the truth and the kids are learning TOO MUCH for HIS comfort. Your therapist is abused because she is GOOD at it, and has just blown your AH's cover, so he has nowhere to hide.
The sooner that house sells and you get settled in YOUR own HOME, without him popping up whenever, the easier, calmer and happier your lives will be.
You are well on your way to your goal.
God bless
Of course AH hates therapy for him and kids, and is knocking the therapist as well, as he can't hide from the truth and the kids are learning TOO MUCH for HIS comfort. Your therapist is abused because she is GOOD at it, and has just blown your AH's cover, so he has nowhere to hide.
The sooner that house sells and you get settled in YOUR own HOME, without him popping up whenever, the easier, calmer and happier your lives will be.
You are well on your way to your goal.
God bless
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2008
Posts: 693
He did not come back last night. He did scare our 4 year old--who crawled into bed with me because he had "the scaries".
I think the family court counseling will be a good thing the more I think about it. His all around abuse will come out--don't know that it will impact his behavior but it will make keeping the kids safe easier. Example--he had the kids this weekend and I had to tell him not to drink when he took the kids out to eat. Now a reasonable person would not be driving around with their kids in the car if they had been drinking. . .now it will not just me "nagging" but the court telling him not to do it.
Of course this morning he is acting like absolutely nothing happened last night.
I think the family court counseling will be a good thing the more I think about it. His all around abuse will come out--don't know that it will impact his behavior but it will make keeping the kids safe easier. Example--he had the kids this weekend and I had to tell him not to drink when he took the kids out to eat. Now a reasonable person would not be driving around with their kids in the car if they had been drinking. . .now it will not just me "nagging" but the court telling him not to do it.
Of course this morning he is acting like absolutely nothing happened last night.
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