Cucumber2Pickle

My last few posts about my boyfriend have been really sad and upsetting posts.

This weekend I broke down and told him how he made me feel - also how much I love him and how I wish he knew how wonderful he could be without his addiction. How wonderful we could be. He hugged me and told me he was sorry about everything that has happened - it wasnt a generic apology but he recognized the things he did that hurt me and said I dont deserve that. Things were ok for the weekend and then he came home from pool and demanded that I wake up bc he had something to tell me. It was 2am - I was terrified of what he was gonna say - part of me thought he had cheated on me bc I had always worried about that before when we first started dating (he was really a mean guy when we started dating but he has changed a lot in that area - a LOT - I trust that he wont cheat on me - but memories of him being shady will never leave my mind no matter how much I try to force them out, that may be a peronal problem of mine to figure out)

So I woke up and he turned on the light - his eyes were glazed over and he was crying. He walked toward the bed and stumbled - almost falling over. I realized he was drunk. VERY Drunk. He told me that he wasnt playing pool for the last few hours with his friends - he was at the bar alone for 3 hours drinking beer after beer. He spent more money than I care to repeat and a lot of it was money we really needed (money has been really tight lately since we have been putting everything we can towards paying off old debts) So we had NO money now. I had some but I also had to buy food and other things til next payday. He collapsed and said he was sorry - he brough up how I called him the biggest disappointment in my life (said the night I broke down) and said I was right when I said that - that he is such a disappointment and a loser He reached for my hands and looked me in the eye and said "I want to get help - I dont care what I have to do - Ill go to AA or Treatment or whatever, I want to get better and I want us to be happy and healthy and perfect" I wanted to jump in the air and cheer - He said "I want" not "Im going to go for you" He cared about it for himself! But I didnt want to make him feel stupid - so I hugged him and pulled him to bed and held him while he cried and we talked til he passed out.

He had the shakes the whole next day and told me how awful it was (he used to have them every day but he has tried to stop drinking in march of this year and the shakes rarely come back) He asked me to find him a meeting and when I did he admitted that he was ashamed and embarrassed and uncomfortable with it but that he knew it was best.

He has been wonderful since Friday - almost a week now. I have this wonderful man back that I always knew was there. Please pray for us - that he will succeed and if he doesnt that he will get back on the wagon and keep trying - for me - that I can support him without enabling him. I feel really good - this is how it should feel.

I know there is a chance things can go back to the way they were - but he was to the point where he knew he had a problem and that it was killing him - but he didnt care - now he cares and now he seems to want to be better.

Pelican

I hope he finds lasting sobriety C2P (((hugs)))

TTOSBT

I will be praying for you both.
He would have a better chance with support. Has he thought about going to a treatment center?

logo

My prayers go out to you and your boyfriend. The best of luck to you on your journey.Logo

LaTeeDa

I hope for his sake he can stay sober. I hope for your sake you can find a way to be okay whether he does or not.

L

kermit

Prayers for the both of you, you should hit some allanon meetings too, they were and still are a great help for me

Jadmack25

My prayers for you both. May you BOTH know the healing power of God, and your minds be open to whatever opportunities for healing and recovery He sends your way.

God bless

PurpleWilder

I will be thinking of you today and wishing the best for your future.