Not moving fast enough.
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Not moving fast enough.
So I just deleted my MySpace account (only place he ever emailed me).
I blocked and deleted him from my messenger (only place he messaged me).
I disconnected his home phone service, that was still in my name but due to a $334 outstanding bill with that company in his name from 4 years before me, he couldn't get it in his name (just learned this tonight). Sorry, I don't want it in mine anymore!
I paid my rent today and told her I'd be moving out this month. I found a cute, little house a few miles away for $75 a month less and a fenced yard. I'll be moving stuff throughout the month.
I made dinner tonight....pork chops, mashed tators and peas. AND I managed to eat a little (I'm not an eater when I have any kind of emotion going through me).
And now I have a headache. I have a kitchen of dirty dishes. A floor with dog hair all over it. The slip cover on the couch is almost completely on the floor. Three loads of laundry in a basket waiting to be folded.
I'm going to bed! It can wait until tomorrow.
I blocked and deleted him from my messenger (only place he messaged me).
I disconnected his home phone service, that was still in my name but due to a $334 outstanding bill with that company in his name from 4 years before me, he couldn't get it in his name (just learned this tonight). Sorry, I don't want it in mine anymore!
I paid my rent today and told her I'd be moving out this month. I found a cute, little house a few miles away for $75 a month less and a fenced yard. I'll be moving stuff throughout the month.
I made dinner tonight....pork chops, mashed tators and peas. AND I managed to eat a little (I'm not an eater when I have any kind of emotion going through me).
And now I have a headache. I have a kitchen of dirty dishes. A floor with dog hair all over it. The slip cover on the couch is almost completely on the floor. Three loads of laundry in a basket waiting to be folded.
I'm going to bed! It can wait until tomorrow.
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
I have made it through the day. My anger turned into fear this afternoon. I told my boss what I'd done and before I could tell him why I pulled him aside for a talk he looked at me and said "so, the only way he can contact you is to come here or go to your house?"
I have a unit patrolling for the rest of the week. They will stop if there is any vehicle in my drive other than mine or if anything looks out of the ordinary. At first I said no. But the more I thought about it the more I remembered how unpredictable he is and that maybe the patrol wasn't such a bad idea.
Light bulb moment.....being terrified of a person isn't the way I want to live. And deep down I knew I would be and that's why I hung on as long as I did. I'll live angry, sad, upset, disappointed. But I don't want to live terrified.
I made dinner tonight, again. Left overs from weeks ago that I froze for nights like tonight....pull out, heat back up and a good dinner is ready. Beats pizza rolls and hot dogs anyway.
I am okay. Not sure I hit lonely yet. I never thought about calling him today and I wasn't afraid of hearing his ring tone. I did call my old number a few times....just to hear "the number or code you've entered is invalid". Provided some comfort to me, in a way. But in another way it created more fear. At what point does he get angry that he can't get threw and finally just show up?
I'm going to finish cleaning my kitchen and straighten that slip cover on the couch. I'm going to take a shower and fold that laundry. I'm going to watch tv. And I can leave my phone wherever I want to. It doesn't have to be at my side so I can answer it fast enough not to get screamed at or accused of something or another.
The unit will drive by throughout the night. I will go to bed early tonight and I will sleep comfortably knowing he'll intercept anyone who shows up at my door. I will do whatever I need to do to convince myself that I am in control and he no longer has any.
I have a unit patrolling for the rest of the week. They will stop if there is any vehicle in my drive other than mine or if anything looks out of the ordinary. At first I said no. But the more I thought about it the more I remembered how unpredictable he is and that maybe the patrol wasn't such a bad idea.
Light bulb moment.....being terrified of a person isn't the way I want to live. And deep down I knew I would be and that's why I hung on as long as I did. I'll live angry, sad, upset, disappointed. But I don't want to live terrified.
I made dinner tonight, again. Left overs from weeks ago that I froze for nights like tonight....pull out, heat back up and a good dinner is ready. Beats pizza rolls and hot dogs anyway.
I am okay. Not sure I hit lonely yet. I never thought about calling him today and I wasn't afraid of hearing his ring tone. I did call my old number a few times....just to hear "the number or code you've entered is invalid". Provided some comfort to me, in a way. But in another way it created more fear. At what point does he get angry that he can't get threw and finally just show up?
I'm going to finish cleaning my kitchen and straighten that slip cover on the couch. I'm going to take a shower and fold that laundry. I'm going to watch tv. And I can leave my phone wherever I want to. It doesn't have to be at my side so I can answer it fast enough not to get screamed at or accused of something or another.
The unit will drive by throughout the night. I will go to bed early tonight and I will sleep comfortably knowing he'll intercept anyone who shows up at my door. I will do whatever I need to do to convince myself that I am in control and he no longer has any.
Member
Join Date: May 2009
Location: Land of Cotton
Posts: 3,433
KV - DO NOT hesitate to call 911 for any reason...even if you 'just have a bad feeling'.
Please also enlist the help of your neighbors and ask them to call 911 if they hear or see anything out of the ordinary. Tell them to call the cops if they see his car in your area.
If necessary, and if you have cause, please think about filing for a protective order.
Go and stay with a friend for a few days if you can.
Document everything.
Take care.
Please also enlist the help of your neighbors and ask them to call 911 if they hear or see anything out of the ordinary. Tell them to call the cops if they see his car in your area.
If necessary, and if you have cause, please think about filing for a protective order.
Go and stay with a friend for a few days if you can.
Document everything.
Take care.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Wizard Land Downunder
Posts: 2,615
post from TJP:
((KV - DO NOT hesitate to call 911 for any reason...even if you 'just have a bad feeling'.
Please also enlist the help of your neighbors and ask them to call 911 if they hear or see anything out of the ordinary. Tell them to call the cops if they see his car in your area.
If necessary, and if you have cause, please think about filing for a protective order.
Go and stay with a friend for a few days if you can.
Document everything.
Take care.)))
KV. I second all of TJP's post suggestions 100%.
God bless
((KV - DO NOT hesitate to call 911 for any reason...even if you 'just have a bad feeling'.
Please also enlist the help of your neighbors and ask them to call 911 if they hear or see anything out of the ordinary. Tell them to call the cops if they see his car in your area.
If necessary, and if you have cause, please think about filing for a protective order.
Go and stay with a friend for a few days if you can.
Document everything.
Take care.)))
KV. I second all of TJP's post suggestions 100%.
God bless
Only stepping forward
Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: Alabama, USA
Posts: 330
Thanks guys. I think I'm just being over paranoid. My emotions run wild when I'm exhausted and I was already full of emotion. I managed to sleep a little last night, more than I had two nights before.
I wish I knew what to expect. Maybe it would be easier for me. I wonder if he tried to call yesterday. Did he think about stopping by. Maybe he's going to binge for a few days. But being a mean drunk, will he get angry because he still can't get threw? Or will he just get depressed and sit around his house and mope? Or is he going to stick to his routine of only drinking on weekends? Will he be two, three days dry tomorrow and have thought about everything that happened and realize he made a mistake and come crawling back? Friday's were our days....always have been. We spent the whole day together, and the night. What happens Friday when what's always been normal isn't normal anymore? What happens Friday when you don't get what you have always gotten and always looked so forward to? I wish I knew what to expect.
I think I'm okay though. Just a little nervous. I feel stronger today than I did yesterday but I'm still not sure how I'd handle an encounter. I guess only time will tell.
Plans today--grocery shop, put away the 6 loads of laundry I folded last night, wash my bed sheets, wash 5 yo's hair in the tub tonight and go to bed before midnight.
I wish I knew what to expect. Maybe it would be easier for me. I wonder if he tried to call yesterday. Did he think about stopping by. Maybe he's going to binge for a few days. But being a mean drunk, will he get angry because he still can't get threw? Or will he just get depressed and sit around his house and mope? Or is he going to stick to his routine of only drinking on weekends? Will he be two, three days dry tomorrow and have thought about everything that happened and realize he made a mistake and come crawling back? Friday's were our days....always have been. We spent the whole day together, and the night. What happens Friday when what's always been normal isn't normal anymore? What happens Friday when you don't get what you have always gotten and always looked so forward to? I wish I knew what to expect.
I think I'm okay though. Just a little nervous. I feel stronger today than I did yesterday but I'm still not sure how I'd handle an encounter. I guess only time will tell.
Plans today--grocery shop, put away the 6 loads of laundry I folded last night, wash my bed sheets, wash 5 yo's hair in the tub tonight and go to bed before midnight.
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