tigger11

Yay Laverene!


I forgot to tell you my SR family that I talked to my new Alanon sponsor last night for about an hour, and we've set up weekly meetings to work on steps and traditions. Headed toward healing!

(((SR FAMILY)))

NewMe11109

Tigger --

Keep in mind that the 12th step - about helping other alcoholics - is for the recovering alcoholic to work with active alcoholics primarily to help the recovering alcoholic stay sober.

It was not witten as a suggestion for family members or other co-dependent people to help alcoholics.

As a recovering alcoholic, when I help an active alcoholic, if they get better, that is great, but honestly, it is not my primary objective. My primary objective is to keep myself sober.

Alcoholics have to choose to quit themselves - others cannot do it.

We often say "if an active alcoholic wants to keep drinking, I will buy the first round" because until they hit their bottom and decide to stop drinking, there is nothing that I can do.

I personally believe that you set your boundaries and if they are crossed you take action. If that means leaving the alcoholic, then that is what you have to do.

Abuse is unacceptable - and your life is too short - so don't let the 12th step support some argument for staying married to an active alcoholic.

Just my two cents..

abcdefg

Everyone is different. Everyone of us. No one can choose what is best for you or tell you what you need to do with your life, your family, your choices.

I often tell my Al-anon sponsees: In one sense it doesn't really matter what you do in terms of staying, leaving, accepting a phone call, blocking an email, separating, renewing vows -- getting all worked up about those choices is kind of a smokescreen. YOUR work is the same. Whether the alcoholic is still drinking or not, I get to work my own program, live my own life and be responsible for myself. I still have to wake up every day and turn over my will and my life to HP, whether I'm getting out of a bed solo or getting out of a bed with a passed out drunk.

How you prefer or choose to live your life is not for another person to judge. I can share what works and doesn't work for ME and if that resonates for you, then by all means go for it. But I do my best to pay little attention to those who judge. It just means they need to work their own program instead of mine!

Staying is not right. Leaving is not right. Staying is not wrong. Leaving is not wrong. Waiting is not right. Waiting is not wrong.

We are all doing the best we can with the tools we've got.

Blessings,
abc

abcdefg

And I forgot to say: I love the Big Book and I take it with a major dose of "historical context" salt.

That arcane language is pretty freaky. Just the fact that they are talking To The Wives should tell us a lot about the era! At first I couldn't look at it at all. Now it kind of makes me laugh. I find the BB very useful in working my Al-anon program in the 5th Tradition and learning the facts about the disease. I took the sexism personally at first -- then I realized the way they talk about the workplace and the boss is just as dated and weird.

So I take what I like and leave the rest.

I think Chapter 9 is GOLDEN.