The good, the bad and then some...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
The good, the bad and then some...
Well, if I wasn't so sick today I guess I should be feeling pretty great. Unfortunately, I woke up with a migraine...sinus...and needing a lot of sleep, to the phone ringing off the hook. I flipped out of course because here it is, 7:30am and my husband's friends are already calling for him to go tailgating for the football game. Some folks just can't start early enough ya know???
Well, a hot shower, 600mg of ibuprofen and 2 cups of coffee later, here I am to share my weekend and boy, what a weekend.
OK first the bad:
About three weeks ago I began to realize that my heroin addict brother was crashing at my mother's senior citizen apt. Now, he KNOWS this is in violation of her lease and that she can lose her apt. over this (because it's happened before) yet of course, he is a walking zombie and not my brother/her son and hasn't been for many years. However, mom is a chronic enabler and she's never been able to handle any guilt she feels and therefor, once he get's in, he won't leave.
I spoke with her about this AGAIN when I found out that he was there and explained that she was doing him more harm then good and blah blah blah of course is all she heard. She believes all of his lies and falls for them all hook line and sinker.
Well, after about 2 weeks of her coming over here as she always has, just to hang out for a couple days, see the grand kids and so on, I realized that she would be here for less than 24 hours, he would call and she'd get all frantic and beg my husband or I to take her home ASAP.
Of course, I knew this meant the zombie was still there and must be needing money or something and we didn't fight her about it, we simply took her home. Well, after having to do this 3 times in less than 5 days I finally told my Mom that it wasn't fair to me and the kids that we had to keep changing plans and running her back and forth into the city every other day and that she needed to just stay home and get him out of her apt. and that if she needed anything or needed help to please call.
My Mom is 80 years old. My brother is 42 years old. My Mom is pretty competant, as she can take care of herself and her apt. and is able to do the day to day things but she is not, nor has she ever been assertive or extremely intelligent. She is like a gentle, loving soul who unfortunately has always been suckered in by anyone who she feels is in need...CODIE. I love her to death but I've had to rescue her from this situation so many times that I just can't count anymore.
The land lady called my house on Friday looking for my Mom, because she hadn't seen her in 2 days and was worried. I had been trying to call my Mom all day Friday to see if she needed anything or what not. Come to find out my aunt had gone in to see her thursday morning and saw the state of things and took her home with her.
My mom just got her SS check on the third. My mom had no food, no coffee, no sugar and not even any toilet paper. Did she call me? Did she call my niece who lives 3 bolcks from her? NO. She was too ashamed to admit that once again, she had made a BIG mistake. They had of course conned her out of her money and spent it for dope. I say they because come to find out, he moved his little druggie/prostitute girlfriend in as well...and HER CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After about a dozen phone calls, my husband, my niece and I, along with my husband's brother and the land lord, went to the apt. yesterday. I unlocked the door and threw it open, pumping full of adreniline to the point where I could have thrown them out with one hand. Thankfully, they were out but all of their clothes and things were still there. Even after being called by my aunt the night before and being told if they didn't get out that night, my mom could lose her adorable apt. THEY JUST DIDN'T CARE!!!
Well, we packed up all of thier things in a huge garbage bag, went over the apt. with a fine toothed comb, finding of course needles, pipes and other drug paraphenalia, which we disposed of and we put the big bag out by the dumpster outside.
I then went to his girlfriends mothers house, which is right down the street and gave her the cat and all of his belongings, explained that her daughter's things were in the garbage bag around the corner and of course, her mom proceeded to tell me all of her horror stories of prison and so on and thousands of dollars in rehabs and bail money.
I really didn't want to hear it and I really don't care at this point.
Tomorrow, I am getting power of attny. over my mom, so that from now on, all I will have to do is dial 911 and have the police remove them. The land lord is having the locks changed on the building, as my brother is still walking around with my mom's keys. She says she only hurts herself when she falls for his bull crap.
As you have read, that is very far from the truth.
Now, I am off to take care of my OWN life today and do all of the things that I was supposed to do with my kids this weekend, that had to be put on hold in order to once again, clean up my mother's mess.
Thankfully, this will be the last time I'll have to do it myself.
BTW...my husband is off having a ball with his friends at the football game...gee, who cares???
Well, a hot shower, 600mg of ibuprofen and 2 cups of coffee later, here I am to share my weekend and boy, what a weekend.
OK first the bad:
About three weeks ago I began to realize that my heroin addict brother was crashing at my mother's senior citizen apt. Now, he KNOWS this is in violation of her lease and that she can lose her apt. over this (because it's happened before) yet of course, he is a walking zombie and not my brother/her son and hasn't been for many years. However, mom is a chronic enabler and she's never been able to handle any guilt she feels and therefor, once he get's in, he won't leave.
I spoke with her about this AGAIN when I found out that he was there and explained that she was doing him more harm then good and blah blah blah of course is all she heard. She believes all of his lies and falls for them all hook line and sinker.
Well, after about 2 weeks of her coming over here as she always has, just to hang out for a couple days, see the grand kids and so on, I realized that she would be here for less than 24 hours, he would call and she'd get all frantic and beg my husband or I to take her home ASAP.
Of course, I knew this meant the zombie was still there and must be needing money or something and we didn't fight her about it, we simply took her home. Well, after having to do this 3 times in less than 5 days I finally told my Mom that it wasn't fair to me and the kids that we had to keep changing plans and running her back and forth into the city every other day and that she needed to just stay home and get him out of her apt. and that if she needed anything or needed help to please call.
My Mom is 80 years old. My brother is 42 years old. My Mom is pretty competant, as she can take care of herself and her apt. and is able to do the day to day things but she is not, nor has she ever been assertive or extremely intelligent. She is like a gentle, loving soul who unfortunately has always been suckered in by anyone who she feels is in need...CODIE. I love her to death but I've had to rescue her from this situation so many times that I just can't count anymore.
The land lady called my house on Friday looking for my Mom, because she hadn't seen her in 2 days and was worried. I had been trying to call my Mom all day Friday to see if she needed anything or what not. Come to find out my aunt had gone in to see her thursday morning and saw the state of things and took her home with her.
My mom just got her SS check on the third. My mom had no food, no coffee, no sugar and not even any toilet paper. Did she call me? Did she call my niece who lives 3 bolcks from her? NO. She was too ashamed to admit that once again, she had made a BIG mistake. They had of course conned her out of her money and spent it for dope. I say they because come to find out, he moved his little druggie/prostitute girlfriend in as well...and HER CAT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
After about a dozen phone calls, my husband, my niece and I, along with my husband's brother and the land lord, went to the apt. yesterday. I unlocked the door and threw it open, pumping full of adreniline to the point where I could have thrown them out with one hand. Thankfully, they were out but all of their clothes and things were still there. Even after being called by my aunt the night before and being told if they didn't get out that night, my mom could lose her adorable apt. THEY JUST DIDN'T CARE!!!
Well, we packed up all of thier things in a huge garbage bag, went over the apt. with a fine toothed comb, finding of course needles, pipes and other drug paraphenalia, which we disposed of and we put the big bag out by the dumpster outside.
I then went to his girlfriends mothers house, which is right down the street and gave her the cat and all of his belongings, explained that her daughter's things were in the garbage bag around the corner and of course, her mom proceeded to tell me all of her horror stories of prison and so on and thousands of dollars in rehabs and bail money.
I really didn't want to hear it and I really don't care at this point.
Tomorrow, I am getting power of attny. over my mom, so that from now on, all I will have to do is dial 911 and have the police remove them. The land lord is having the locks changed on the building, as my brother is still walking around with my mom's keys. She says she only hurts herself when she falls for his bull crap.
As you have read, that is very far from the truth.
Now, I am off to take care of my OWN life today and do all of the things that I was supposed to do with my kids this weekend, that had to be put on hold in order to once again, clean up my mother's mess.
Thankfully, this will be the last time I'll have to do it myself.
BTW...my husband is off having a ball with his friends at the football game...gee, who cares???
Member
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Wish I knew
Posts: 428
((((LST))))
That really stinks, all of it. And , of course, the responsibilty falls on YOU . Unfortunately, you can't do anything about it. I'm also having alousy weekend, and have to vent on another thread!!
That really stinks, all of it. And , of course, the responsibilty falls on YOU . Unfortunately, you can't do anything about it. I'm also having alousy weekend, and have to vent on another thread!!
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Wow! You did a good thing LST! Pat yourself on the back. If you have power of attourney can her SS check come to you? Can you put your name on her checkbook?
I am saddened by your brother using your 80 year old mother in this way.
Hugs,
JT
I am saddened by your brother using your 80 year old mother in this way.
Hugs,
JT
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hello LST...
If your mom wasn't elderly I'd tell you that you're a big codie and as much of a rescuer as she is...
... however, old people and children need protection and I think you did a wonderful thing. Hey... here's an idea... all us codies who don't have old people or kids in our lives should go volunteer at a facility that cares for them. Then we can use up our caretaking needs on people that deserve it.
Hugs and hoorays,
Smoke
If your mom wasn't elderly I'd tell you that you're a big codie and as much of a rescuer as she is...
... however, old people and children need protection and I think you did a wonderful thing. Hey... here's an idea... all us codies who don't have old people or kids in our lives should go volunteer at a facility that cares for them. Then we can use up our caretaking needs on people that deserve it.Hugs and hoorays,
Smoke
Member
Join Date: Jul 2002
Location: georgia
Posts: 531
LST......sounds like you have your head on straight and made some really good choices.....
Hope that you can salvage the rest of the day and do something that you enjoy!!
Smoke....once again you are RIGHT.....does is feel good to be right so much......I know what if feels like on the flip side!
Blessings,
Constant
Hope that you can salvage the rest of the day and do something that you enjoy!!
Smoke....once again you are RIGHT.....does is feel good to be right so much......I know what if feels like on the flip side!
Blessings,
Constant
Queen of one liners
Join Date: Jan 2003
Location: walking beside you! Not in front of you.
Posts: 658
Smoke,
Can I apply for reservations today or do I have be 80 years old.....
LST...One thing I have learned in taking care of the elderly...I will NOT have any regrets for turning my back on them...One of my favorite seniors keeps saying to me "Gettin' Old A'nit For Wimps."
and I truly believe she is right...
God Bless.
Can I apply for reservations today or do I have be 80 years old.....
LST...One thing I have learned in taking care of the elderly...I will NOT have any regrets for turning my back on them...One of my favorite seniors keeps saying to me "Gettin' Old A'nit For Wimps."
and I truly believe she is right...
God Bless.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Baltimore,MD
Posts: 150
Thanks everyone for the replies.
OK, so helping a CODIE, who is helping an addict is codependant too?? OMG...maybe I am a lost cause!LOL
There are different degrees of power of attny. and I'm going for the strongest one, so that I may handle her financial affairs, meaning having her SS check sent to me. I will then take her to cash it, pay her bills and so forth. The rest of the money I will have to make sure each week, that she buys all of her needs for that week and give her a little mad money if she wants me to take her shopping.
She usually spends the whole weekend with us, so she doesn't need a whole lot dusing the week just for herself.
I still am a little shaken up from all of this but a good thing happened this weekend as well.
I stood my ground on the issue of my husband using my truck to DJ this weekend. I told him flat out that he could not use it. He protested quite angrily but I had to stand my ground. I love him and don't want anything bad to happen to him but I can't allow him to drink and drive in my transportation. I need my truck to go to work and take our son to school and I'm not losing it.
We have a big conversion van that needs some work but it runs great. He used to use it for DJing before I bought my truck so there should be no problem with him using it now.
He used the van.
All in all, I do feel good about evicting the dopers this weekend. In a couple days, l'll hopefully feel safe enough to allow my Mom to return to her apt.
OK, so helping a CODIE, who is helping an addict is codependant too?? OMG...maybe I am a lost cause!LOL
There are different degrees of power of attny. and I'm going for the strongest one, so that I may handle her financial affairs, meaning having her SS check sent to me. I will then take her to cash it, pay her bills and so forth. The rest of the money I will have to make sure each week, that she buys all of her needs for that week and give her a little mad money if she wants me to take her shopping.
She usually spends the whole weekend with us, so she doesn't need a whole lot dusing the week just for herself.
I still am a little shaken up from all of this but a good thing happened this weekend as well.
I stood my ground on the issue of my husband using my truck to DJ this weekend. I told him flat out that he could not use it. He protested quite angrily but I had to stand my ground. I love him and don't want anything bad to happen to him but I can't allow him to drink and drive in my transportation. I need my truck to go to work and take our son to school and I'm not losing it.
We have a big conversion van that needs some work but it runs great. He used to use it for DJing before I bought my truck so there should be no problem with him using it now.
He used the van.
All in all, I do feel good about evicting the dopers this weekend. In a couple days, l'll hopefully feel safe enough to allow my Mom to return to her apt.
No More Mrs. Nice Guy
Join Date: Aug 2002
Location: Iowa
Posts: 724
YOU GO GIRL!
Sounds to me like you did all the right things - helping your elderly mom, setting and maintaining boundaries all over the place. wooooo hoooooo. You deserve the tiara today
O59
Sounds to me like you did all the right things - helping your elderly mom, setting and maintaining boundaries all over the place. wooooo hoooooo. You deserve the tiara today
O59
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