Don't know what to say.
 

My husband has been going to AA for over a year now. I on the other hand can not bring myself to attend a meeting. I'm proud of him. Proud that he was able to do this for himself. It was not an easy road. He went into recovery, after I had had enough. After I completely "let him go" in the emotional sense. I couldn't take it anymore. I couldn't take him anymore, I couldn't take our relationship anymore. So we separated. It was the hardest thing I have ever done with the exception of getting back together and having to work, really work on our marriage. No holds bar anymore. Neither one of us were angels. It has been a hurtful time, but we are on our way to resolving what has transpired. So many hurts there.
Now, my time has come, to do what, I don't know. I have to be honest, I haven't wanted to go to a meeting. I know it would be a help, but I've had to be strong this long.
My story may not be like some in here, who are dealing with someone who drinks or does drugs presently. I don't know if I really need support or not. Our "marriage counselor" has suggested going to Al-anon, along with a lot of other people, but I have resisted. I don't know. I just don't know if I can or if it's really for me. Still sad about everything, still scared, still resentful. Mostly just don't know...

My suggestion would be to just try a meeting. Most of us who go for the first time are still resentful and scared and totally lost. I don't think there is any doubt that you do need it. There are many people there who do not have active drinkers in theirs lives. But it doesn't mean that just because they aren't still drinking, that you aren't still hurting. (Hope that makes sense!) I wondered if I belonged in Al-Anon because my brother is the alcoholic/addict in my life. I felt as if I wasnt' going through as much as the ones with children or spouses who were alcoholics or addicts. I felt really petty and pitiful. But then I went, and found out that my pain is just as important and anyone elses. They welcomed me with open arms and understanding. I still haven't really talked very much at all. And they don't expect me to. There is no pressure. Just being there where I know everyone understands and is not going to judge me for how I feel is a comfort. Anyway, I hope that you do find some peace soon. Maybe it will help you more than you ever dreamed possible. I am still new to Al-Anon, but it has helped my somehow!!

Your answers are in the 12 steps. You have watched your husband grow in the program, what is your resistance?

Many of us go to make them stop drinking but that is no longer your concern. I went because I was crying all the time and there had to be a better life out there for me. ME!

I didn't know what to do any more to make things right and I was miserable.

If you give it an honest shot you will be grateful you did.

Hugs,
JT

Go to Alanon for you not for him or your marriage. Try a couple of meetings before you make a decision against it.

Ngaire