Redux

Hi guys! Thought I'd throw out the first post for the Breakup Buddies!

What was your week like? Did you make any progress towards your goal of getting out sanely? Anything stupid or funny happen that you want to share? What do you plan for the weekend? There is still time to plan to do something that will make you feel better.

My week was up down up down. I made progress because I finally got up the nerve to break it off.

The stupid thing that happened? XBF called me last night at 11 and woke me up (grrrrr) to tell me he has a new phone number at the apartment and that he couldn't talk but he'd had an interesting day. HELLO - did you not hear me last night when I said it was OVER??? I said "Oh really?" and he said "Yes I met with my therapist and my psychiatrist and they both told me I had been an ******* to you and that I was selfish and self-centered." Like it was some kind of EPIPHANY or something.

Well DUH jack ass! What do you think I've been saying for the past couple of years?

He was very proud. It was very weird. I hung up.

I haven't told him yet that I want no contact with him for 60 days - my 60 day XABF detox program. I'm sure he'll call me tonight to tell me all about how the psychiatrist says he's an *******. I'll listen (because frankly I'd like to hear it too!) and then I plan to tell him..


This weekend I am getting rid of junk. I got rid of the XABF and now I'm on to the attic. I'm getting rid of all the crap and then YARD SALE!!!! I need shoe money.

So what about you? Chime in and tell us how your week was!

wanting

I have had kind of a weird week. I am exhausted from stewing over STBX and "friend" and their plans to move her back across the country to be with him. And that I'm pretty sure she will be here this weekend, since he didn't want to take the kids this weekend. I need to meditate to get these thoughts out of my head. They are interfering with my sleep.

The good news is, we have a fun weekend planned. We are driving down to my parents' vineyard for their Halloween Harvest Party. It will be so much fun!

baldjim

i'm doing ok been 3 days now ,i'm more upset about my daughter going back to the states to aarmy prison i just kinda feel numb ,i shall goto the gym tomorrow and force some of them em dolphins around my brain lol

i do miss my ex i love her but we are not good for each other ,she is a stunner she will soon meet some one else so i dont have the worry of her sitting around not being able to get someone

and me i need a woman like a hole in my head lol


no offence meant ladies i just cant even think of it

TakingCharge999

Thanks for starting this thread.

Around December 15 it will be a year of NO PERSONAL CONTACT with xabf, and when I feel bad I just know the year is almost over and it will be easier afterwards.

When there are no interactions my life flows, but sometimes I have to work with him, chat/call or just see him around and my heart races and its difficult to keep my peace.

I believed it was all a nightmare...but then I see him around, joking, etc and I know everything was real...he mourned me for, 3 seconds then off with someone else... man that hurt. And I try to be grateful its over but sometimes there is still pain.

What I do now is to either go out and climb stairs and try to focus on the strength i have gathered here in SR, or when I cant, i play youtube songs. then he goes away and i focus again and feel good again. ugh.

Also, there will be some work related celebrations and again I'm trying to see if I want to know, etc and if my bf wants to go... but I wonder if I will feel anxious and if its not self torture to be there while he is there too with gf... on the other hand I also feel it would be a step forward, to go to anything I want, and handle whatever I feel and be like those Nordics that can be friends with their ex es, no hard feelings, they meet the new partners and their children are all friends etc etc.


On the other hand Iam with someone worthy now and I have allowed myself to feel again. Its great and I hope at work I can reach the same indifference I now got when I got no triggers at all. If my mind goes there I just imagine he is lying on a street drunk somewhere. That helps.

nodaybut2day

My week has been...dramatic to say the least. Most everyone on SR knows about my leaving STBX. It was all going so well but then he demanded immediate assurances of shared custody and I panicked.

My family has rallied around me, which is very reassuring. I made sure to talk about all this with a lot of friends, so people are aware of my situation, should something horrible happen. I'm still waiting for my legal consultation over the phone, and I've written down all relevant information.

Last night, STBX's mother called me from Vegas to ask how things are going. We had yet another expensive long distance chat where she revealed more stuff about STBX. Apparently, his "crime" when he was in the States consisted of getting his girlfriend to embezzle money from dormant accounts into his, and then running away to Canada with the cash (about 15K) when she got caught. She repaid her half and "repaid" him by denying him any custody of their son. He thought himself scott-free until he tried the cross the border 4 years later to go get married to some girl he was living with...there's always a girl isn't there...He went to jail briefly and was ordered to pay restitution as well as report back to his parole officer regularly. Said girl eventually paid all his lawyer fees but couldn't manage to pay the restitution. In the end, he broke his parole, never paid, left the girl and took 2K from their account as a parting gift.

SO, the FBI isn't after him after all. Yet another lie. The layers of this onion continue to fall away and I have the feeling that underneath all the layers...there's nothing at all. I'm glad I know the truth about this one though because I don't want to bring up falsehoods when I speak to the lawyer.

STBX emailed me yet again this morning to tell me he "expects" to sign the custody agreement *I* am supposed to draft tonight. Heheh. I answered him by stating that we would not discuss this further without the presence of a lawyer-mediator, which I will select myself (working in a law firm *does* have its advantages).

I've decided not to go home tonight and take my daughter to my parents' house, just to be safe. Clothing and laptop computer be damned. He might destroy them; he might not. Whatever.

Friday I'm safe because he's going out (drinking) to Halloween party and Saturday morning I LEAVE. YAY!!! It should be a quick move since I'm only taking 3 pieces of furniture, books, clothing, and all my arts/crafts/sewing stuff.

THEN I'll feel safer and I'll be able to focus on me.

And once again, my HP is looking after me; a friend of the family has come out of the woodwork to help me. He used to be a judge in family law court, and he's offered to meet with me to discuss my situation. Wow, the power of trusting in the universe is rather impressive.

Jadmack25

The wonders of HP never cease, so prepare to have a lot more assistance and support just "pop up" exactly when needed.

Have you got a list of all your AH's weird stories, plus names of people who have been told the same or different lies? Having it all down in writing, attested to by others may be a big help in future. For starters it may give him pause, and check his demands, or if not it could give a judge a focal point to know that your AH is either an all out liar, or has a mental problem that is not conducive to him having any shared custody of a child.

Let's face it AH turned this into a war, one you neither wanted or started, so for the child's sake you need all the troops and firepower to stop him in his tracks.

You have done so well, and your HP is sending you help, so stick in there and let that AH (Walter Mitty copy) quack away, because the more he says the deeper he digs his own hole.

God bless

Redux

Hey no offense!! It's not an anti-woman thing - for all of us it's an anti-opposite sex thing. I think it's important for everyone to take a big old break and be alone for awhile after going through something this traumatic.

She might be a stunner, and she might find someone else right away but the poor guy who finds her needs to be

Redux

Here's a suggestion - when you start lapsing into misery about all the fun they're supposedly having, remember their weekend together will probably be very much like the crappy ones he gave you - where he was drunk or mean or argumentative or smelly. Don't just assume they're having a wonderful weekend - that's giving HIM too much credit.

You know from experience that he's gonna f*ck it up somehow. And SHE will be the one dealing with it - ha ha - NOT YOU.

In the meantime just throw yourself into the party at your parents' house (hey you might meet someone!!) Stay so busy that you exhaust yourself but make it fun busy. When you can't help but wonder what they're doing, get a mental picture in your head of your worst memory of him - laying on the floor drooling and farting or something equally repulsive.

You just have to spoil yourself, and make every thought associated with him one that reminds you of why you dont' want to be with him.

Redux

First of all I LOVE LOVE LOVE Evanesence. I need to figure out why I can't seem to download their music through itunes. any ideas? Their music is so haunting and beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that video. What a treat.

Isn't it wierd how even when we're the ones breaking it off that we are so hurt when we're so easily replaced? That's ego - we feel like they should wallow in misery for awhile before they find someone else. That's what we do, so should they. But you know what? They're not jumping right back in love. They're jumping right back into sex. Men can do that more easily. It's a physical act for them - a need. Like the need to scratch their butts. It has nothing to do with you - it has to do with their itchy butt. Or whatever. So don't take it personally. He just had an itchy butt. Look at it that way. That ought to gross you out enough that it gives you one more reason to be glad he's gone.

So what's this about your current boyfriend? What's the deal? Are you really into him? If so, ask yourself why the slug from your past is screwing it up.

Congratulations on the almost a year No Contact. Way to GO! We need to have a party on December 15th!

Stay strong friend!!!

Redux

Well THAT's very interesting. Your lawyer can get the papers filed in court on it. That really should help you TONS.

I'm not sure I follow. There would be a warrant out for his failure to pay restitution - I think. I'm a lawyer but I don't do criminal work but paying restitution generally counts as part of your parole and if you break parole, then you're in big trouble. Don't worry about it - tell your lawyer everything you've been told and let him figure it out. That's why he gets the big bucks.

OK, f him. That's all I have to say about that.

OK do something to help you stay safe. Leave the kids at your parents and take a family member with you to get your stuff. He's less likely to make a scene in front of a family member whom he generally gets along with.

That is SO GREAT!!!! Congratulations!!!!

wanting

Redux, thanks for the pep talk. It made me happy.

And ack! I just realized today that I still had my "friend's" phone number in my phone. Delete.

I've also been thinking about PTSD today. I think I might have it. I have a physical reaction to some things that remind me of or are associated in some way with what I've been through with STBX. I wonder if it will go away with time.

I had a great day though. Had some nice clients come in today that I felt really connected with. Always a good feeling.

Redux

This is so true!!!