What is pain if not an opportunity, What has pain done for you ?
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
What is pain if not an opportunity, What has pain done for you ?
Today I have the fantastic relationship with my son that I always yearned for.
This would not be possible If I had not changed in monumental ways myself.
I'm overcoming my control + codependent issues...progress not perfect.
I've spent 6 yrs, actively involved in alanon: Sponsor, sponsees, speaking positions, service work, etc.
I work it and it works with a bit of therapy, mentors and a whole lot of desire.
My own recovery, turns out, is equally as important as my son's.
It took a long time, but I wanted serenity and now I have it.
I've learned when I am open things come in their own time.
Our relationship is satisfactory because we have both changed.:ghug3
I am grateful my son can teach me.
The yrs, he was an addict was painful for both of us...we have harnessed that pain to come out with lessons learned, hearts opened
and spiritually moved.
Pain doesn't have to be passive...it can be a great door to walk through,
an opportunity, a motivator and a blessing. I have better relationships
with everyone because my own attitudes changed, I changed.
This is what I know now. Be the change I want.
My addict/alcoholic son completed 18 mos. of treatment, two months independent living and was recently hired to work full-time at a rehab.
What has pain done for you ?
This would not be possible If I had not changed in monumental ways myself.
I'm overcoming my control + codependent issues...progress not perfect.
I've spent 6 yrs, actively involved in alanon: Sponsor, sponsees, speaking positions, service work, etc.
I work it and it works with a bit of therapy, mentors and a whole lot of desire.
My own recovery, turns out, is equally as important as my son's.
It took a long time, but I wanted serenity and now I have it.
I've learned when I am open things come in their own time.
Our relationship is satisfactory because we have both changed.:ghug3
I am grateful my son can teach me.
The yrs, he was an addict was painful for both of us...we have harnessed that pain to come out with lessons learned, hearts opened
and spiritually moved.
Pain doesn't have to be passive...it can be a great door to walk through,
an opportunity, a motivator and a blessing. I have better relationships
with everyone because my own attitudes changed, I changed.
This is what I know now. Be the change I want.
My addict/alcoholic son completed 18 mos. of treatment, two months independent living and was recently hired to work full-time at a rehab.
What has pain done for you ?
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
I've been thinking about your post this evening.
I have a quote from Ghandi on my mirror:
"Be the change you want to see in the world"
It is inspiring!
Your question about our pain brings to mind the quote:
"that which does not kill me makes me stronger"
I believe that is true.
How do you teach that to another?
I don't think you can. We have to allow others to suffer their own pain.
Watching a loved one suffer is very painful.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for the thought provoking question.
I have a quote from Ghandi on my mirror:
"Be the change you want to see in the world"
It is inspiring!
Your question about our pain brings to mind the quote:
"that which does not kill me makes me stronger"
I believe that is true.
How do you teach that to another?
I don't think you can. We have to allow others to suffer their own pain.
Watching a loved one suffer is very painful.
Thank you for sharing your journey. Thank you for the thought provoking question.
I Love Who I Am
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Midwest
Posts: 3,210
It took the most horrific, unyeilding pain of my adult life to motivate me to:
change what I say to myself, about myself.
honestly assess who I am, who I want to be and how to get there, and
teach myself to sit through the pain, acknowledge it and release it.
I"ve grown tremendously in the past 16 months. And i wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.
change what I say to myself, about myself.
honestly assess who I am, who I want to be and how to get there, and
teach myself to sit through the pain, acknowledge it and release it.
I"ve grown tremendously in the past 16 months. And i wouldn't trade the pain for what I've learned.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Portland, OR
Posts: 534
I don't think I have fully realized yet all that pain has done for me.
I did make the decision a few months ago that I was not going to do anything to avoid the pain that I was in. I was not going to find a rebound person, I was not going to try to get my H to say the right thing to take my pain away, I was not going to drink, I was not going to throw myself into my work. I was just going to sit with the pain and experience it fully. There was one night in particular where I thought that I wanted to die. I made a plan to kill myself. I'd wait a couple of months until my life insurance covered suicide, I'd send my family on a trip...anyway. I cried and cried and cried that night, over the pain and now the guilt of even considering suicide. When I woke up in the morning, I had gotten through the worst of it. And for some reason, because I had hit that level of pain and despair, I knew that I would be OK. I knew that if there was this much pain, that there was also that much pleasure to be experienced in life. There have been lesser moments of pain since then, but I always know that I am OK, and I've been on a consistent climb upward since that day.
I did make the decision a few months ago that I was not going to do anything to avoid the pain that I was in. I was not going to find a rebound person, I was not going to try to get my H to say the right thing to take my pain away, I was not going to drink, I was not going to throw myself into my work. I was just going to sit with the pain and experience it fully. There was one night in particular where I thought that I wanted to die. I made a plan to kill myself. I'd wait a couple of months until my life insurance covered suicide, I'd send my family on a trip...anyway. I cried and cried and cried that night, over the pain and now the guilt of even considering suicide. When I woke up in the morning, I had gotten through the worst of it. And for some reason, because I had hit that level of pain and despair, I knew that I would be OK. I knew that if there was this much pain, that there was also that much pleasure to be experienced in life. There have been lesser moments of pain since then, but I always know that I am OK, and I've been on a consistent climb upward since that day.
get it, give it, grow in it
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2007
Location: Calif coast
Posts: 3,167
" to motivate " oh yea.
I realized that I can wallow in my pain, but eventually use it as a vehicle for change rather than let it consume me.
Most of us get motivated to reach a higher level of consciousness via a crash and burn experience.
Pain can be experienced like a metamorphoses
When we enable others perhaps we are robbing them of the lessons they too can learn from the dark times.
I realized that I can wallow in my pain, but eventually use it as a vehicle for change rather than let it consume me.
Most of us get motivated to reach a higher level of consciousness via a crash and burn experience.
Pain can be experienced like a metamorphoses
When we enable others perhaps we are robbing them of the lessons they too can learn from the dark times.
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