Another 3AM Apology
 

A couple of weeks ago I posted about the A XBF texting and calling me at 3AM on a Tuesday morning, apologizing for everything that he did during our relationship.

I didn't go into details about him disclosing that his son was having to have surgery due to the brain disease that he has. His son was diagnosed with a very rare, and serious disease when he was a couple of years old and everyday is a struggle for the little guy. Anyway, like I stated in my post, when the A XBF was calling at 3AM, I shut off the phone and went back to bed. When I got up later that morning, I read the text from him that disclosed his apologies for how he disrespected me and then the details of his son's upcoming surgery. I responded to his text and said that his son, his 2 daughters and him were in my prayers. I shouldn't have responded, no matter how sorry felt for and worried I was for his son. I see that now.

I get up this morning and am checking my Blackberry and see that I have some messages and check them. The A XBF texted me a little after 3AM this morning, telling me that he was sorry for his lack of respect for me during our relationship and that I did nothing wrong. He stated that he accepts full responsibility for the demise of our relationship and he is truly sorry. He then stated that he hoped that if he sees me in public that I will not "knock his head off", but if I choose to, he knows that he deserves it. He ended the text using the knickname that he had for me during the good times....saying I was forever, "the knickname" and asking that I try to accept his most sincere apology.

I see all of the manipulation in this, and I know that I brought this on myself.....by responding to his text a couple of weeks ago. I'm so mad at myself. He is a married man, who shouldn't be texting/calling ...his ex-girlfriend...no matter what. I should have never responsed to that first text telling him that I was praying for his family. I feel like an idiot. Don't worry....I'm not responding to this latest text, but just needed to get this anger that I am having with myself out in the open.

I feel like an absolute dummy.


Thanks for listening.

You are not a dummy! I have fallen for my partners sob stories every time! It is hilarious even though I know what he is doing, the anxiety and guilt that I feel propels me to respond. It always happens after we have had a fight and I have ended the relationship and then what a surprise he mentions some illness that he has or drama that needs sorting and I get back togther with him. It took me a while to realise this pattern. He obviously realised what buttons to press with me! One day i won't fall for it and I won't feel anxious or guilty. There is nothing wrong with being a compassionate person. Be strong.

Yep, the son was the hook. He was trying to pull you back into his drama. You learned a lesson, right? Chalk it up as an experience learned.

I think your text of support was kind and considerate. Nothing wrong with that. His continued pursuit is the problem. You've resumed "no contact", and you'll continue to gain strength as each day passes between last contact. Be easy on yourself.

Now, about the nickname...
You can be my love muffin, and I can be yours!
We can create frosted cupcakes with sprinkles, oh my!
:lmao
(okay, I've got to stop spending time in yoville)

Sounds like you are a nice person, and being nice is a difficult habit to break, even when you need to. At least you know that you are in a better place now.

Ok so you fell off the wagon, now it’s time to get back on and stay on.

He tugged at your heart strings using his son’s illness and you responded out of kindness and concern for HIS SON, not necessarily him, so try not to beat yourself up too much.

Keep the no contact and as Pelican said, you’ll gain strength each day that passes with no contact from him. You can always change your cell phone number as well, it’s a pain but not as much of a pain as his text messages may cause you.

Thanks. I've had time to really process this and see that being mad at myself is getting me no where.

Anyway, I have already changed my cell phone # once, actually it was around this time last year, in an attempt to steer clear of him in every way possible. Unfortunately, we both work in the same industry as sales reps and don't work out of formal offices. Some sales reps whom work out in the field and not formal offices only have one phone/phone #, since some companies will only pay for one line. I am one of those people who have one phone/phone # that I use for work and personal use. It is a lot cheaper that way. Once I changed my phone #, he just asked one of the accounts that we both call on for my new phone #. I could change my # 15 more times and he will still be able to get it, either from the customers that we both work with or from the company that I work for. I haven't and won't respond to the latest nor anymore communication attempts from him. It's just a little creepy that I haven't heard from him since January and had never gotten any apologies from him until the last few weeks....and now it is like he is obsessed with repeatedly apologizing on random days at 3 AM in the morning via text. I will not try to understand any of this......I repeat to myself.....I will not try to understand any of this!!!!! :thanks

It’s often such a waste of our time attempting to figure THEM out and all the WHY’s. Alcoholism is a baffling disease, we attempt to use our logic to dissect their emotions and some how make sense of behaviors that change on a dime. And the bottom line will always be THEM, what’s best for them at the moment they are feeling what ever

It’s so disrespectful for him to call your phone at 3:00AM with absolutely no regard to you and only to himself. It doesn’t bother him that possible he may be waking you up, disrupting your life, affecting your job……..NO and that is about all you really need to understand.

I think what we all need to focus on is how those behaviors affect OUR well being and making plans to keep toxic people out of our lives.

atalose
thank you for this

Good for you seeing that he's trying to pull you back in with your sympathy for his little boy. Actually I think it was a civilized thing for you to express your sympathy about his little boy's illness but you don't have to let it go further than that. I think you're right to turn your cell phone off at night.

The LAST thing you need is some jackass waking you up in the middle of the night with a self-pitying text.

Good for you on staying strong and staying away from him. It's a PROCESS to stay away from someone. It doesn't happen overnight.

Your humane act of expressing sympathy was not a step back - it was a sign that you can be a kind human being even when the jackass doesn't deserve it.

I think now that you've done that, you can justifiably tell him to stop texting you. That you've heard his apologies and that you want nothing further from him. GOOD LUCK!

I have to agree with the replies that he clearly just does not see that texting you at 3 am just disrespects you further. I suppose he will have to text you in another 9 months to apologize for being a jacka** this time around. Oh, brother.

My initial thought was that there must be something going on at home if he is up feeling remorseful and needing to unburden himself in the wee hours of the morning. As you noted, I too suspect his wife would not be pleased w/ his behavior but maybe she wouldn't be at all surprised.

It's all just so cyclical. Round and round and round. I'm sure down the line somewhere I'll start getting calls and/or texts from my XABF. Just like when you are looking for a job you recconnet with old business contacts, when an addict is in the market for an enabler they reach out to those that used to fill the position.

Hang in there! There is no shame for keeping someone in your prayers. To me, that's just giving them to God to manage.

Alice

3 AM is right after bars close down. Coincidence? At the bar, close it down. Go home drunk, sit on couch feeling sorry for self, wife is asleep.
Drunk texting x's.
Been there myself, a million times.
Don't fall for it.

I agree. He's probably drunk. And texting you apologies for being a drunk and ruining the relationship. And screwing up your sleep over HIS need to apologize.

Honestly sounds just like something my XABF would do. What is it about alcohol that creates such huge selfishness?

:wtf2I am the same way and respond to people's text when I shouldn't.
I got sick of being texted by some people and blocked them through the internet, and when I do that, it sends them back a text saying "text rejected". I called my phone carrier and they said it's not them (Verizon), that it's the company that gets the texts and sends them out.
There has to be another way to block them without having it say that. I don't like people yelling at me asking why I rejected it, or maybe that's good so they get the point?

There are programs that not only block unwanted mail, but bounce it back to sender as undelivered. What they are I don't know, but will ask around and see if I can find out.

God bless