What can I possibly do to help?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 1
What can I possibly do to help?
Hello, I am new to these boards. I come seeking guidance and support regarding my mother.. Whom I believe is an Alcoholic.
First, let me share my story with all of you:
Okay. Now back to my mother. She has been drinking excessively during this whole ordeal. I don't really know how to confront her, as we never have had a strong relationship. I myself am overweight, which causes her to point the addiction wheel in my direction, since it is easier for others to see and agree with.
I've also battled with depression for nearly a decade now, and she seems to go out of her way to make me appear mentally unstable whenever possible.. So going to her mother and her sister probably wouldn't produce any positive results.
Her argument is that since alcohol does not consume her (day)life, as it did with my father, she could not possibly be an alcoholic. I've watched her for the last year and she drinks around 5 or 6 beers, and 10 full glasses of wine.
She doesn't think this amount is anything special, but just now I heard her choking on her vomit in her sleep again. I also noticed that she had wet her bed(!), and she has been wetting her bed every other night for the past few years, which brings me to the conclusion that she's been vomiting in her sleep much more often than I have witnessed!
I'm very worried about her, when I eventually have enough money to move out, I'm afraid one time she won't be able to wake herself.
Is there anything I can do? No one around me will believe me if I try to stage an intervention. I fear that she may kick me out if I try to confront her while she is "sober".. My mother is a highly respected social worker, and she constantly threatens to send me to a group home. I'm 20 years old, so I'm not a minor.. But as I said earlier, she tries to paint the most grim picture of my mental health to others, so it would be possible that I get sent away if I try to help her myself.
Gah, I'm sorry about the long post. I'm just at a loss at what to do right now. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
First, let me share my story with all of you:
This all began several years ago when my Father was still alive, and living with us. He started up his own little company of painting houses, and actually made a good bit of money. We moved out to the country, next to my grandmother and aunt.
Well, that's when the trouble seemed to magnify. He was gone on business trips quite often, and after a while my mother was fed up with him. She suspected he was been abusing various substances. Which turned out to be true, he was using Methamphetamines. He admitted to me once that he had been taking a cocktail of street drugs along with the meth..
So anyway, he was living out of the house for a few years, and I guess he started having seizures from the brain damage brought on from the heavy drinking and drug usage.
Last summer, one day, out of the blue -- we got a call from my uncle. He said that my father had suffered a heart attack and that he did not have very much brain activity. It seems he ultimately had one of these seizures from alcohol withdrawal and was unconscious for 15 minutes before the paramedics arrived and revived him.
About a month later, he passed away in comfort care.
Well, that's when the trouble seemed to magnify. He was gone on business trips quite often, and after a while my mother was fed up with him. She suspected he was been abusing various substances. Which turned out to be true, he was using Methamphetamines. He admitted to me once that he had been taking a cocktail of street drugs along with the meth..
So anyway, he was living out of the house for a few years, and I guess he started having seizures from the brain damage brought on from the heavy drinking and drug usage.
Last summer, one day, out of the blue -- we got a call from my uncle. He said that my father had suffered a heart attack and that he did not have very much brain activity. It seems he ultimately had one of these seizures from alcohol withdrawal and was unconscious for 15 minutes before the paramedics arrived and revived him.
About a month later, he passed away in comfort care.
I've also battled with depression for nearly a decade now, and she seems to go out of her way to make me appear mentally unstable whenever possible.. So going to her mother and her sister probably wouldn't produce any positive results.
Her argument is that since alcohol does not consume her (day)life, as it did with my father, she could not possibly be an alcoholic. I've watched her for the last year and she drinks around 5 or 6 beers, and 10 full glasses of wine.
She doesn't think this amount is anything special, but just now I heard her choking on her vomit in her sleep again. I also noticed that she had wet her bed(!), and she has been wetting her bed every other night for the past few years, which brings me to the conclusion that she's been vomiting in her sleep much more often than I have witnessed!
I'm very worried about her, when I eventually have enough money to move out, I'm afraid one time she won't be able to wake herself.
Is there anything I can do? No one around me will believe me if I try to stage an intervention. I fear that she may kick me out if I try to confront her while she is "sober".. My mother is a highly respected social worker, and she constantly threatens to send me to a group home. I'm 20 years old, so I'm not a minor.. But as I said earlier, she tries to paint the most grim picture of my mental health to others, so it would be possible that I get sent away if I try to help her myself.
Gah, I'm sorry about the long post. I'm just at a loss at what to do right now. Thanks for taking the time to read my story.
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
Welcome to the Sober Recovery family, Sai!
I am sorry to learn about your father's recent death. That must have been difficult for you and your mother.
I'm very sorry to hear that your mother is using alcohol to drown her sorrow and pain.
Your current living arrangement is unhealthy and abusive (verbally). Is there a relative or friend that you can stay with until you can find your own housing? You are a young adult now. I don't think you can be placed into a group home at 20. That line of abuse is a form of manipulation that may have been used to control you when you were under the age of 17.
Is there an adult that you can share your story with. Someone like a school counselor, religious leader, or public healthcare clinic? They may be able to get you in touch with programs to assist you in finding housing, income and counseling to begin living away from your mother. You deserve to be respected and appreciated.
As far as confronting your mother, it is not a good idea to confront an active alcoholic about their drinking. They will lie, deny, manipulate, blame and become angry at you in an effort to protect the drug of their choice: alcohol. Right now, that is your mother's savior. Alcohol is there when she needs to celebrate, when she needs to unwind after a stressful day, her companion when she is lonely, and because the sky is blue today. She will give it up when she is ready to face life on life's terms.
Please remember:
You did not cause the addiction
You can not control the addiction
You will not cure the addiction
I'm glad you are here reaching out for help. Please keep reading and posting. We care about YOU!
I am sorry to learn about your father's recent death. That must have been difficult for you and your mother.
I'm very sorry to hear that your mother is using alcohol to drown her sorrow and pain.
Your current living arrangement is unhealthy and abusive (verbally). Is there a relative or friend that you can stay with until you can find your own housing? You are a young adult now. I don't think you can be placed into a group home at 20. That line of abuse is a form of manipulation that may have been used to control you when you were under the age of 17.
Is there an adult that you can share your story with. Someone like a school counselor, religious leader, or public healthcare clinic? They may be able to get you in touch with programs to assist you in finding housing, income and counseling to begin living away from your mother. You deserve to be respected and appreciated.
As far as confronting your mother, it is not a good idea to confront an active alcoholic about their drinking. They will lie, deny, manipulate, blame and become angry at you in an effort to protect the drug of their choice: alcohol. Right now, that is your mother's savior. Alcohol is there when she needs to celebrate, when she needs to unwind after a stressful day, her companion when she is lonely, and because the sky is blue today. She will give it up when she is ready to face life on life's terms.
Please remember:
You did not cause the addiction
You can not control the addiction
You will not cure the addiction
I'm glad you are here reaching out for help. Please keep reading and posting. We care about YOU!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
