MissFixit

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I habitually have relationships with alcoholics, and the pain from this has led me here, hoping for some support and wisdom. I am aware of my not-so-attractive codependent,emotional side. I have ended a 4yr rollercoaster ride for the umpteenth time, it was sucking the life out of me, can't be the whipping boy anymore. --Kat Krazy

Redux

Welcome! I'm new here today too! This seems to be a great place for support!

gns

WElcome Kat!!

LucyA

Welcome Kat Krazy

ICant

hey Kat Krazy I just read your posts. Welcome and I am sure you will figure out why you are drawn to the rollercoaster.

Hammer

It is a very large not-so-fun Amusement Park. Happy Fun Drunk Land has a lot of rides. If the rollercoaster was not your thing, there is also the Merry Go Round, the Tea Cups and Bumper Cars.

Or of course, anytime you want you can shut it down and build a park of your own.

So welcome.

KatKrazy

Thank all of you for your welcomes and comments. Strange that what you endure while living with an alcoholic is one thing, but it is the "thoughts" that drive me crazy,got to get him out of my head. The most important thing is to work on me, it seems so overwhelming at times, I am aware of the basics, but it is confusing working out my feelings and where they are coming from. I read as much info about this as I can, the scary part is how these "exes" have such a hold even when they are gone, like they've left their eternal mark. I have been on other blogs and was horrified to realize that many are still paralyzed by these memories, some it has been years, still pining for the ex. I try to think postive affirmations about myself and the future but I am still hardwired to the negative, I understand this will take time, but I am hopeful.

Pelican

Good Morning Kat!

What have you tried in the past to unlearn old behaviors?

Have you tried Alanon?
Have you worked the steps of the program?

Have you read Melody Beattie's books on Codependency? Have you done the excercises in the books?

Have you tried face-to-face counseling?

I used a blend of the above. Group meetings, SR, self-help books and a friend that is a social worker. I also use positive affirmations. I have to remember to increase my ratio of positive:negative affirmations. I have spent too many years doubting myself and criticizing myself. I need to spend more time encouraging and affirming myself. I approve of me!

Good on you for going to college as a mature adult! There are a few other members of SR that are attending college as adults too.

Glad you are here!

summer09

Welcome! I am also new to SR and am glad that I found it. The thoughts are driving me crazy at the moment. I wish there was a switch in my brain that I could turn on and off!

KatKrazy

Pelican, thanx, I have attended AlAnon, and come to these forums to gain knowledge and support, and pretty well done all of the other things you mentioned. I am on the waiting list at the women's shelter for indepth one on one counselling, there is a year wait. I have read Codependent No More several times, I gained my insight into this behavior from her book, but still get stagnated at changing this less-than-attractive part of myself. In order to be successful I believe we need support on a regular basis. I have no family and few friends where I live, I spend way too much time alone. I have ended many friendships over the last year who were a one way negative street and consumed by their addictions, I was a bartender for 30+ years, I don't drink and never have been a drinker but I was the "rock" for many friends that do. We all need someone to lean on, it's hard for the average person to help with this codependent behavior as they don't understand and they get tired of hearing about things that they can rationalize and wonder why the hell we can't. I know there is a better life out there waiting for me, but there is much work to do, as long as we keep the faith!!!

Pelican

You're doing great Kat!

Keep coming back and bouncing your thoughts off of members here. This is an awesome place for daily support. It's your personal worldwide support system, open 24/7.

One Day At a Time, right?! That's the secret to serenity. We can not spend our time regretting the past, nor can we spend our time worrying about a future that isn't here. We need to stay in the moment and live today to the best of our ability. Here is something I learned from my friends at SR about living in the moment:
"If I'm spending all my energy regretting the past and worrying about the future, then I am pissing all over my today."

So, what will we do today for ourselves?

I'm cleaning out my drawers and closets of clutter. Getting my personal space more organized. I'm looking forward to putting my big fuzzy blanket on my bed for tonight. AAAHHH.

Enjoy your today!