personality traits that you dislike in others.....
 

......are those that you have problems with yourself?

one of the things I find frustrating (to the point of unbelievable annoyance on my part) in both my H and some of my family is that they take on everyone else's problems and use them to act out in the guise of "empathy". H uses this to drink himself into oblivion because these things are happening to him (a friend's possible illness, someone at work has marital problems etc), a family member uses the problems o others, inserts herself into them and moans and worries and tries to get everyone else to do things her way (everything her way) whilst not asking for exactly what she wants, because she has so much on her plate....this bugs me so much.

Sometimes I feel it about people posting here, "Why are you worrying yourself silly over that?" (I think) "it has nothing to do with you".
I have been particularly thinking this of late.

LOL

.... :lmao:I am rolling around on the floor laughing that it has only just occurred to me the irony of ME getting frustrated and angry that other people get frustrated and angry over other people's actions and problems.

D'uh

me who has tried to stop an alcoholic drinking for years....

LOL I hope this revelation helps me to stop getting so worked up about other people's stuff (and boy am i SLOWWWW!)

Martha Beck has a whole section on this in "The Joy Diet" that I love.

How sometimes it is the traits in others that bug us the most because we are denying it in ourselves -- for better or for worse. I don't agree 100%, but pretty close to 99% (in me).

For example, one of the things that used to turn my nose up is when people would say "No" when asked for help. What did they mean, "No, I'm sorry, I can't help" ? What kind of friend was that?

Yep. Me, the person who didn't even learn how to use the word "No" until I was 40......and the person whose "Yes's" almost killed her.

There is something to be learned even in the stuff we detest........