He's ticked off, and I need courage
peaceful seabird
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: floating
Posts: 4,822
KEEP RUNNING !!."
Good advise from the AH!
Run towards a life that fills you with peace, love, and hope.
Leave behind disrespect, manipulation, and abuse.
You're and inspiration - you saw the bait and you avoided being hooked into his drama. Good choice.
I hope you have a Super Saturday!
Good advise from the AH!
Run towards a life that fills you with peace, love, and hope.
Leave behind disrespect, manipulation, and abuse.
You're and inspiration - you saw the bait and you avoided being hooked into his drama. Good choice.
I hope you have a Super Saturday!
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 54
Tigger I'm so sorry. You seem to be caught in a trap - like all of us are. You want to get him out of your life and find some happiness for yourself.
Tigger you deserve happiness. You deserve a life where you don't have to deal with someone like him. He sounds almost psychotically manipulative. He is the one that has the problems and he's playing mind games with you to make you think they're yours. Don't fall for it. Don't let him manipulate you. You deserve a better life. Unfortunately it's really awfully hard to make one when you have this albatross around your neck.
I so wish you could walk in and say to him "I have decided to take your advice. I am going to keep running - running away from you. You no longer have any control over me."
But I know - I know. It's impossible to do it when you're caught in a trap.
I wish I could say something that would really help you but I'm really new at this and all I can do is offer you a supportive hug and to tell you that you deserved so much more!
Tigger you deserve happiness. You deserve a life where you don't have to deal with someone like him. He sounds almost psychotically manipulative. He is the one that has the problems and he's playing mind games with you to make you think they're yours. Don't fall for it. Don't let him manipulate you. You deserve a better life. Unfortunately it's really awfully hard to make one when you have this albatross around your neck.
I so wish you could walk in and say to him "I have decided to take your advice. I am going to keep running - running away from you. You no longer have any control over me."
But I know - I know. It's impossible to do it when you're caught in a trap.
I wish I could say something that would really help you but I'm really new at this and all I can do is offer you a supportive hug and to tell you that you deserved so much more!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Woke up a few minutes ago to a 3/4 gone pot of coffee and AH still behind closed doors in that TINY, little office/room filled with his junk, having probably woken up hours ago. AND I HAVE THE WHOLE HOUSE TO MYSELF! HAHAHAHAHA - he thinks he's hurting me by "disappearing", but I LOVE IT. Saturday, and no sulking, grumpy man taking up space in my living room. HAHAHAHAHA (sorry, had to do it once more).
So Pel - I AM having a super Saturday. Yawn, stretch, contented sigh. Thank you for that, and your encouragement!
Redux, thank you so much for your post! Let me reassure you, although I have been in a trap, but I've recently discovered how to open the trap door. In a big way, I've already said to him; "... you no longer have control over me." Not in so many words, but he hears it loud and clear. That's why he's behind closed doors right now.
My situation is a bit "different". I expect him to leave SOON of his own accord to go to a new job or contract in a different state. Plus, I only became aware of my situation 2 weeks ago (tomorrow). And having been a knee jerk reaction kinda person for most of my life, I'm studying, thinking, getting healing help... my way through this thing. I will be able to look at myself in the mirror later and say; "you did the right things by yourself and him."
I'm so happy, my dear SR family! I'm just afraid the happiness bubble is going to burst when the real work of healing begins. Feel like this is the "honey moon" phase. Oh well, enjoying the ride.
So Pel - I AM having a super Saturday. Yawn, stretch, contented sigh. Thank you for that, and your encouragement!
Redux, thank you so much for your post! Let me reassure you, although I have been in a trap, but I've recently discovered how to open the trap door. In a big way, I've already said to him; "... you no longer have control over me." Not in so many words, but he hears it loud and clear. That's why he's behind closed doors right now.
My situation is a bit "different". I expect him to leave SOON of his own accord to go to a new job or contract in a different state. Plus, I only became aware of my situation 2 weeks ago (tomorrow). And having been a knee jerk reaction kinda person for most of my life, I'm studying, thinking, getting healing help... my way through this thing. I will be able to look at myself in the mirror later and say; "you did the right things by yourself and him."
I'm so happy, my dear SR family! I'm just afraid the happiness bubble is going to burst when the real work of healing begins. Feel like this is the "honey moon" phase. Oh well, enjoying the ride.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
I'm just afraid the happiness bubble is going to burst when the real work of healing begins.
I'm so glad you have gotten to where you describe in your posts. Just don't forget that they will try to appeal to your sympathies in sneaky ways. Keep up the good work.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2009
Location: Missouri
Posts: 673
Whoa Cowgirl - thanks! What a huge compliment!
I may be about to be a little less inspirational, though. The tough stuff has begun to happen. The unhealthy tough stuff, anyway. Please, all you experienced SR family members out there, feel free to suggest, etc.
Firstly, a little fun/funny happening this weekend... sharing so nobody worries. So... my 16 year old son was mowing the lawn, one last time this fall, with the dual purpose of mowing the goo goobs of leaves. Turns out, the cable that provided internet service was buried beneath leaves because AH never had them bury it, and yup, you guessed it, no more internet. No more obsessive internetting for AH... um oops, me either. Cable Co. said 24 to 48 hours to get somebody out to fix. I anticipate at least that. So I'm fine, just had to wait to get to work to get to the SR family.
So... AH, with obvious repressed anger, told me this weekend that he's done, and showed me that he took off his wedding ring. Poor bugger can't leave until he gets a job and a place to live, though. So he's been holed up in his little, TINY "office" in our tiny house all weekend. Literally. Don't have a clue what he's been doing since we have no internet.
He's completely ignoring the 2 dogs and cat (one of the dogs is his "baby girl" so he calls her, and the kitten is his, too... I didn't want either pet, but I love them none the less, of course). Once while I was out doing stuff with me son, I left them outside. He summarily told me upon my return that I'd left the poor dog and kitten outside FREEZING, and that he was going to take them to the pet store Monday to see if they'd take them back. I looked and informed him that the temp was 64 degrees. He asked why I told him that. He knew very well, but I replied; "just saying". Funny thing is, HE HAS NO CAR... just a motorcycle. He he thought he was going to get a labradore and a cat to the pet store, i've no clue. Meanwhile, the lab is the one he's beaten twice with a leash. So apparently leaving the dog outside in 64 degree weather is worse than beating her with a leash. It's such sick insanity this alcoholism.
The good/bad news is that he plans to leave. In his life long illness, he's left wives and children before, never to contact them again. It's his way, in his mind, of getting back with them, I think. He said he'll be; "out of my hair" by the end of the year at the latest. Which is wonderful! And terribly sad.
I've managed to remain calm (at least in his presence) and respond briefly and factually when needed. I was set off into a 2 hour crying spree Saturday night when the lab and the kitten were playing, and the lab, who loves to bark loudly, barked and barked and I couldn't stop her. Usually, I say no firmly, and if that doesn't work, get up and distract her. But I was too worn out and tired to get up, so I just held my ears against the barking and cried and cried. Healing, cleansing, needed tears. I had so much hope for this marriage 2 years ago, I was sooo in love. It was my second marriage, and it felt so hopeful and right after the previous 17 year failed marriage. And now it's over in anger and regret. So the crying was needed.
I can hear him snore when he sleeps in his tiny room, and he snored loudly through the whole 2 hour tirade of tears and moaning and railing, and begging lab baby to be quiet. For which I'm glad, mostly. Some unhealthy part of me wished he'd awake and hear the pain he's put me through, but I acknowledge that it's an unhealthy bit, and this is my healthy beginning.
Okay, done sharing. Love, Hugs and Support to one and all! -Tigger
I may be about to be a little less inspirational, though. The tough stuff has begun to happen. The unhealthy tough stuff, anyway. Please, all you experienced SR family members out there, feel free to suggest, etc.
Firstly, a little fun/funny happening this weekend... sharing so nobody worries. So... my 16 year old son was mowing the lawn, one last time this fall, with the dual purpose of mowing the goo goobs of leaves. Turns out, the cable that provided internet service was buried beneath leaves because AH never had them bury it, and yup, you guessed it, no more internet. No more obsessive internetting for AH... um oops, me either. Cable Co. said 24 to 48 hours to get somebody out to fix. I anticipate at least that. So I'm fine, just had to wait to get to work to get to the SR family.
So... AH, with obvious repressed anger, told me this weekend that he's done, and showed me that he took off his wedding ring. Poor bugger can't leave until he gets a job and a place to live, though. So he's been holed up in his little, TINY "office" in our tiny house all weekend. Literally. Don't have a clue what he's been doing since we have no internet.
He's completely ignoring the 2 dogs and cat (one of the dogs is his "baby girl" so he calls her, and the kitten is his, too... I didn't want either pet, but I love them none the less, of course). Once while I was out doing stuff with me son, I left them outside. He summarily told me upon my return that I'd left the poor dog and kitten outside FREEZING, and that he was going to take them to the pet store Monday to see if they'd take them back. I looked and informed him that the temp was 64 degrees. He asked why I told him that. He knew very well, but I replied; "just saying". Funny thing is, HE HAS NO CAR... just a motorcycle. He he thought he was going to get a labradore and a cat to the pet store, i've no clue. Meanwhile, the lab is the one he's beaten twice with a leash. So apparently leaving the dog outside in 64 degree weather is worse than beating her with a leash. It's such sick insanity this alcoholism.
The good/bad news is that he plans to leave. In his life long illness, he's left wives and children before, never to contact them again. It's his way, in his mind, of getting back with them, I think. He said he'll be; "out of my hair" by the end of the year at the latest. Which is wonderful! And terribly sad.
I've managed to remain calm (at least in his presence) and respond briefly and factually when needed. I was set off into a 2 hour crying spree Saturday night when the lab and the kitten were playing, and the lab, who loves to bark loudly, barked and barked and I couldn't stop her. Usually, I say no firmly, and if that doesn't work, get up and distract her. But I was too worn out and tired to get up, so I just held my ears against the barking and cried and cried. Healing, cleansing, needed tears. I had so much hope for this marriage 2 years ago, I was sooo in love. It was my second marriage, and it felt so hopeful and right after the previous 17 year failed marriage. And now it's over in anger and regret. So the crying was needed.
I can hear him snore when he sleeps in his tiny room, and he snored loudly through the whole 2 hour tirade of tears and moaning and railing, and begging lab baby to be quiet. For which I'm glad, mostly. Some unhealthy part of me wished he'd awake and hear the pain he's put me through, but I acknowledge that it's an unhealthy bit, and this is my healthy beginning.
Okay, done sharing. Love, Hugs and Support to one and all! -Tigger
Member
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Bristol TN/VA
Posts: 12,431
It wouldn't be natural or normal if you didn't grieve. You have said you know that..but it does hurt and I am sorry for your pain, but believe that it will pass and heal. And I've got my fingers crossed that you pass into a happy, joyous and free life...and soar with your strong spirit and wonderful insight.
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