Freaking out over choices please help
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2006
Location: behind the viewfinder...
Posts: 6,278
It all seems very clear to me, from the outside looking in, with no emotional involvement in the situation. LOL
You living at a different address has nothing to do with his recovery. The number of months your lease is for has nothing to do with his recovery. Getting back together, staying separated, or getting divorced has nothing to do with his recovery.
He's looking for excuses. He wants you to take responsibility for his recovery so he can blame you when it fails. If he wants to change he will. If he doesn't he won't. Nothing you do or don't do makes one bit of difference. The fact that he wants you to believe it does is an indicator to me that he's just not ready to face his demons.
Congratulations on your new place. May it be the peaceful, happy home you deserve.
L
You living at a different address has nothing to do with his recovery. The number of months your lease is for has nothing to do with his recovery. Getting back together, staying separated, or getting divorced has nothing to do with his recovery.
He's looking for excuses. He wants you to take responsibility for his recovery so he can blame you when it fails. If he wants to change he will. If he doesn't he won't. Nothing you do or don't do makes one bit of difference. The fact that he wants you to believe it does is an indicator to me that he's just not ready to face his demons.
Congratulations on your new place. May it be the peaceful, happy home you deserve.
L
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,864
I agree with everything LTD said. Nothing you do, or don't do, will affect his recovery if he is serious about it. You've found a cute place that you like that is in the location you need. If you give that up and go back, what happens if you decide down the road that you made a mistake? You'll have to start all over again. He can continue to work on his recovery regardless of where you live. I vote to continue with your plan of moving.
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Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Seattle, WA
Posts: 3,335
Stay on your path. Stick with your plan. There is plenty of time to reconsider AFTER you move into your cute little duplex. But give it a shot. No regrets.
That is a very manipulative, unloving thing to say to you. I'd tell him to "bite me".
AH said if I signed a year lease that was too long for him to wait for me to decide, and we might as well get a divorce.
To thine own self be true.
Join Date: May 2009
Location: U.S.A.
Posts: 5,924
Hi Sunnyvols,
You know what you want and you know what is healthy for you and your girls. You decided to get a new place for your own sanity, peace, and serenity. Then you talked to the alcoholic person about it and now you are second-guessing yourself.
You are now on the fence. You started to jump over to the other side, the peaceful side, but he grabbed your arm and jerked you back. You're tottering.
Jump again and this time don't discuss ANY of it with him. The less you talk to him, the less power he has over you. Take back your power.
You can do this!
You know what you want and you know what is healthy for you and your girls. You decided to get a new place for your own sanity, peace, and serenity. Then you talked to the alcoholic person about it and now you are second-guessing yourself.
You are now on the fence. You started to jump over to the other side, the peaceful side, but he grabbed your arm and jerked you back. You're tottering.
Jump again and this time don't discuss ANY of it with him. The less you talk to him, the less power he has over you. Take back your power.
You can do this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Stumbling toward happiness
Posts: 4,706
Lots of good experience above.
Enjoy your new peaceful, convenient, god-granted duplex, sunny.
There's no need to second-guess. Neither of you is dying. You're just getting yourself a sanctuary. He can continue to work on his sobriety. After six months, or a year, or two years, if YOU think it's best to reconcile, you can. Happens all the time, in every country of the world.
Of course he's been sober. That's the way the game is played. Look around at the other posts here, at the Sticky posts above, and tell me if you honestly think it would stay that way if you turned this down and went back?
Hoping for the best for you & your girls. I know it's hard....but oftentimes the best things for us aren't the easiest.
Enjoy your new peaceful, convenient, god-granted duplex, sunny.
There's no need to second-guess. Neither of you is dying. You're just getting yourself a sanctuary. He can continue to work on his sobriety. After six months, or a year, or two years, if YOU think it's best to reconcile, you can. Happens all the time, in every country of the world.
Of course he's been sober. That's the way the game is played. Look around at the other posts here, at the Sticky posts above, and tell me if you honestly think it would stay that way if you turned this down and went back?
Hoping for the best for you & your girls. I know it's hard....but oftentimes the best things for us aren't the easiest.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 105
I think that one of the greatest gifts is when we KNOW what we want, even if it's fragile. And what I hear in your post is that you know you want to move into this new place. So do it! You're bound to question yourself sometimes, but hang on to what you know and build on that.
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